Moments Of Oblivion
by Shits and giggles
Summary: Their world is crashing in around them - the enemy drawing closer with every day that passes as they hide, terrified and alone, in Hell. Can they find the courage to stand up and fight back against an overwhelming enemy? AH
1. Preface

_**PREFACE The Beginning Of The End**_

_As I walk on through this wicked world,_

_Searching for light in the darkness of insanity,_

_I ask myself, is all hope lost?_

_Is there only pain, and hatred, and misery?_

_And each time I feel like this inside,_

_There's one thing I wanna know,_

_What's so funny 'bout peace, love, and understanding?_

_(Peace, Love and Understanding – A Perfect Circle)_

The time before all of this seems like a dream, a fantasy, an illusion - _no_ - a delusion of something that doesn't seem possible anymore. We had spent the past seventeen years of our lives in a lie. It was a lie because we thought that we were safe. We were happy – happy, content and so blissfully unaware of just how cruel the world could be. That's why we write. We write to remember.

Mortality, humanity, morality – we've been forced to question it all, and this is our way of telling ourselves that we mean something, that we matter to someone other than each other. I think it was Alice who suggested we do it, and at the time it seemed like the most important thing we could do. Recording what we've done, what we've been through; in words, on paper. It means that maybe one day someone will appreciate all that we've sacrificed. That the things we've done have made a difference. I can't really say how big a difference, but it's a difference all the same.

Small actions, huge consequences.

Writing it all down means that we might be remembered - and shit, that matters to us. None of us want to end up dead, alone, unknown, unnoticed, or, worst of all, unappreciated. We've all hit rock bottom at one point or another and it's definitely taken its toll on us all. We're not the same people we were a year ago, and I can't say that it's necessarily better this way. We've been forced into positions that no seventeen year old should have to deal with, made decisions that no one should have to make, had people taken away from us far too soon. Things like that leave a permanent mark on your soul. For most of us it's physical too.

Hope - that, and each other is all that we have left to hold onto now. Hope that we'll make it out of this Hell one day. Hope that we'll see our families again. Hope that we won't lose ourselves along the way. A little heavy? You have no idea.

I was nominated by the others to write; only now I'm not so sure that I'm up to it. It's so vital that we do this right because it may be the only thing we get to leave behind. In the end, this could be all that's left of us. At first everyone tried to help out, shouting out ideas and suggestions. And all I could think was that I'd never get this done. I couldn't concentrate with all the noise. I needed room to think, because I had to sort everything out in my own head before I could attempt to put it all out onto paper.

So, I told them to give me some peace and Emmett backed me up in his usual non-tactful way, and at last they're gone and I can think straight. Only now I'm considering that maybe thinking isn't such a good idea, it brings back so many memories and emotions that I've been trying for so long to shut out.

I don't really know how we got to this point or even who to blame. All we know is that we can never stop fighting, because a whole lot more than just our lives could be lost if we do.


	2. Chapter 1  Edge Of The World

**A/N - Okay guys, heres Moments Of Oblivion reposted as promised. For those of you who didn't read it first time around heres a bit of a rundown. The direction of this story is based upon the book 'Tomorrow When The War Began' by John Marsden. It's heaps of Twilighty goodness with a bit of TWTWB thrown into the mix just to spice things up a little bit and they're all human. I've tried very hard not to use too much of Marsden and Meyers work, but it's just so amazing that it's hard not to. So I've incorporated a few of my favourite bits and pieces – forgery is not intended. Credit is given where credit is due. Which brings about the disclaimer that I don't own any of the characters or plots blah, blah, blah. They all belong to the mighty Steph Meyer and John Marsden. On that note, I've decided to keep the some of the setting the same from TWTWB so if you've already read it, don't be disappointed with the similar descriptions of Hell and Tailor's etc.**

**There's nothing like a good review to get you motivated, so let me know what you think – the good, the bad, the ugly, I don't care – I want to read all of it. After all, if I suck and you don't tell me so then I'll never know, right?**

_**CHAPTER ONE - Edge Of The World**_

Stand out on the edge of the earth

Dive into the centre of fate

Walk right in the sight of the gun

Look into this new future's face

(Edge Of The Earth – 30 Seconds To Mars)

Alice and I had been best friends for as long I could remember. Her adopted mom, Esme, and my mom, Renee, had been best friends since high school. As a result, Alice and I had been raised almost like sisters. We've been practically inseparable since the first day we had met almost eighteen years ago.

It's hard not to like Alice. Maybe it's her unrelenting enthusiasm for almost anything, or her selfless and caring nature. Either way, she's everything I wish I could be; intelligent, loyal, unconditionally loving, charismatic, not to mention stunningly gorgeous. Alice has a sort of supercharge about her, a lively spark that never faltered. She was hugely popular at school and well respected by almost everybody who knew her, yet none of it ever went to her head. Alice remained as down to earth as she had always been – which is yet another thing that I admire about her. She has always been my definition of the perfect person. On the very rare occasion Alice did something wrong, I'd be totally shocked.

"Alice! Don't do that! You're my role model!" I yelled at her one day when she tried convincing herself that it was a good idea to skip last period so that she could arrive early to a clothing sale in Port Angeles. Shopping –Alice's only weakness.

Alice's family is pretty well off… okay, so that's a lie – truthfully, they're filthy rich. Their house is easily the biggest and most extravagant in the entire state. They could probably fit my entire house in their living room - and I'm not saying that my house is small either. I guess we were both pretty lucky in that respect, not that we ever appreciated it enough – until now. Anyway, I'm an only child, and at that point Alice was as well – Edward didn't arrive until much later.

Alice's adopted father, Carlisle, and Esme had tried unsuccessfully for years to conceive a child of their own. With Carlisle being a doctor, Esme had been submitted to countless tests and expensive treatments that had all proven to be ineffective. Finally they settled on adoption, which is where Alice came in. They had adopted her from birth, and Alice had always considered them to be her real parents, even though the Cullens had been very open with her about the adoption from a young age. Never once had she attempted to seek out her birth parents, she already had two of the most kind, generous and good-hearted parents in the entire world, and she never asked for more.

So, in true Alice style, she had been ecstatic at the possibility of getting a brother. It was the summer before our sophomore year of high school when Esme and Carlisle had approached her with the idea, and a whole thirty seconds before she had rung me in a delighted frenzy to tell me the news. At first I had been apprehensive. It had always been just Alice and I, and I was selfishly afraid that our relationship might suffer if someone else were to become significant in her life. Nevertheless, I had given her undivided attention as she told me all about the teenage boy that was recovering from a gunshot wound as a result of a robbery gone wrong, one that had claimed both of his parents.

Carlisle had found him in a hospital in Seattle, where he quite often filled in if they were short on staff. It was no secret that Carlisle was the best doctor in the state and many of his colleagues resented him for basing himself in as small a town as Forks. Though secretly, I had always wondered if it was Esme that grounded them here in Forks. She was a small town person at heart and had lived here all her life. Plus, Carlisle would do anything to keep his stunning wife happy - and I certainly wasn't complaining.

Edward had arrived a little over a month later and I had been totally dejected when Alice had taken an entire week off of school to get acquainted with her new brother. My fears had been unfounded; however, as I received a phone call from her that Wednesday, telling me that Edward had asked to stay and board at the school he had been attending in Seattle. With much debate, the Cullens had agreed - though Esme hated the idea - but both she and Carlisle wanted Edward to be happy and comfortable.

Edward decided not to return to Forks on weekends, choosing instead to only grace us with his presence over the holidays. Though, on Esme's request, the Cullens visited him regularly throughout the term. It was the Easter break that year when I first had the privilege of meeting Edward, a day that I will never forget – as much as I would desperately like to.

He was stunning, amazingly so. And unfortunately for me, he took my breath away. I had stood, shamelessly gaping at him as Alice dragged me up the front stairs of their enormous house to meet him. It had taken me more than the appropriate time to pick my jaw up off the ground as he stood shyly at the top of the front steps with his hand outstretched timidly towards me.

He was quite lanky, but still muscular with messy, bronze coloured hair that fell in his eyes quite often. He was remarkable. Pale, but not unusually so, and it detracted none of his good looks. On the contrary, his paleness enhanced his striking features like no one I had ever seen before. His skin was flawless, and each of his perfect features was straight and angular. His beauty is the kind that makes you stop walking on the street and get hit by traffic. His face, so diverse, was also devastatingly, inhumanly beautiful. That's not something you hear used to describe a male very often, but with Edward it just simply was. His was a face you never expected to see, except perhaps on the airbrushed pages of a fashion magazine or painted by an old master as the face of an angel. His perfection wasn't what had left me gawking audaciously at him however – it was his eyes. His large and vibrant emerald green eyes. They were, hands down, the most incredible eyes I had ever seen.

I had stared, transfixed, as he muttered an uncomfortable "Hi", before dropping his untouched hand, turning and retreating to his bedroom.

I kicked myself internally for making such an ass of myself as the blood had started rushing to my face in a vicious blush. I watched him climb the stairs hastily to the top story of the Cullens' mansion. My naivety led me to believe that I had fallen in love with Edward Mason that day, it wasn't until later on that I realised how little I knew about the concept of love. Still, I was in awe. I had never had such a strong instant attraction to a guy before and I couldn't be sure of exactly what to make of this strange feeling. In my confused and hormone driven state only one thing was for sure, that one chance meeting had changed something in me.

I stared caring about the clothes I dressed in and the way I wore my hair, not very much – but an improvement was an improvement. Alice thought she had finally rubbed off on me. As if.

Anyway, it wasn't until the longer Christmas and summer holiday periods that Edward had really started to interact with Alice and I, which wasn't strange, as we had both expected there to be an initial awkward phase. At first he was withdrawn and quiet, something that made no sense to me as his reputation from Seattle was much different.

Esme and Carlisle were forced into quite regular trips to the city on account of Edward's 'behaviour'. Four times in the first year after the death of his parents, Edward was threatened with expulsion. The school had advised Esme and Carlisle the first time that they had a strict 'three strikes and you're out policy', yet Edward continued to push their boundaries while the school continued to let him. Fighting, truancy, swearing at members of staff, drug use – you name it, he'd done it. I don't know if it was the school's sympathy towards Edward's situation, or just their understanding of the Cullens' financial status that made them so lenient on him. Either way, counselling was the option that the school advised for Edward. Carlisle and Esme agreed, but no amount of well trained and highly paid doctors could make Edward consent to the therapy.

After that the Cullens insisted that he spend all of his breaks in Forks with them. After all, how much trouble could one get into in such a small and boring town? Edward finally agreed and returned to Forks that summer, as quiet and withdrawn as ever.

He'd spent all of his life in the city so it had taken him a long time to adjust to a small town country lifestyle. Eventually, he loosened him up a little and, after many failed attempts at stock work and riding the quad, we found some common ground. Edward was a huge fan of books, the classics, like me. It was sort of a guilty pleasure – one that Alice constantly teased me about whenever she caught me with my nose in one of my well worn Austen novels. The first real conversation I had ever had with Edward was about books during which I blushed and stammered pathetically.

Over the next two years, as Edward became more adventurous, we built quite a good friendship. Alice and I had finally taught him how to ride the quad without causing serious injury to himself, the bike, or nearby fence posts. He even started to participate in our numerous trips to the swimming hole. At first he'd been apprehensive. I guessed that the only swimming he had done would have been in a heated indoor pool or a crowded beach with golden sands. After a large amount of coaxing he finally stripped down to his swimming trunks and waded cautiously into the cool water. All the while I tried, unsuccessfully, not to stare at his exposed and chiselled chest that no fifteen year old should have.

Eventually he started joining in with my everyday farm chores and became surprisingly good at the lighter stock work. Again, I found myself distracted, this time by his obvious natural athletic ability and the effortless way in which his muscles flexed as he worked. The Cullens owned quite a lot of land, but with Carlisle working full time and Esme running a small interior design business, neither had the time necessary to run a productive farm. Instead, they rented their land out for grazing to the local farmers in the area. However, a basic knowledge of farm skills was a necessity when you lived in a town like Forks so Alice and I felt it vital that Edward be educated. Unfortunately he had always drawn the line at camping trips. During our summers together, I also discovered that he was heavily into music, and was an absolute master on the piano. I could always hear him play on the large grand that sat in the lounge or plucking on his guitar in his room, and as time went by, he would occasionally let me sit in the room while he played. It was never for very long though and I could tell that he always felt uncomfortable. It was quite an intimate thing really, him playing for me. I got goose bumps every time.

All of my delusional fantasies came crashing down around me a few months into our Junior year however when a very bashful Edward came striding through the Cullens' front door one evening with the most stunning blonde upon his arm.

My heart sank to the bottom of my chest where it shattered into a thousand tiny pieces, but even so, I couldn't keep my eyes off her. Tanya was just as gorgeous as Edward. She was tall and slim with curves that any woman would kill for and a head full of soft strawberry blonde curls that framed her flawless face. She greeted Esme and Carlisle cheerfully and I could see that they were already taken by her, and to be honest there was nothing not to like about her. She had a strange sort of admirable confidence that just flowed from her. Esme immediately invited her to stay for dinner, something I had unfortunately already agreed to.

Disappointment didn't even begin to cover the feeling that gripped me as I realised that Tanya was perfect for Edward in every way, which was something that I could never be. Dinner was terrible. Everybody adored her - even I found it hard not to listen to every intelligent word that flowed from her plump and perfect lips.

Needless to say I escaped at the first available moment, faking a stomach ache to a very concerned looking Esme who insisted that Carlisle check me out. I refused profusely and was eventually able to return home, where I crawled into the sanctuary of my bed and cried for hours. Pathetic, I know. But I was a hormonal teenager, and Edward was the very first and only boy I had ever had any real feelings for.

Edward and Tanya's relationship hadn't lasted more than a few months, but that one night had been enough to make me see the truth - I would never be anything more to Edward Mason than a friend.

It wasn't until the summer of junior year that he finally decided to leave his city life behind and start at Forks High School for senior year. All of the Cullens were delighted, but none more so than me. So naturally, as soon as Edward had come home from Seattle indefinitely, I started spending more time than usual at the Cullens' mansion, which was a _lot_ considering I was there almost every day anyway.

And, that's where the whole thing began. I had dragged myself over to Alice's and we were just lazing around on the sofa, hiding from an intense midday summer heat that Forks just wasn't accustomed to. That's when we decided that we wanted to go bush, go camping for a few days over the summer holidays and make the most of the strange but nice weather while it lasted. It was just one of those stupid things that began with: "Oh, wouldn't it be great if…"and escalated from there.

We'd camped out quite often, had been doing it since we were kids, taking the motorbikes all loaded up with gear and going down to the river, sometimes sleeping under the stars if the night was warm enough. Sometimes a friend would come along, Angela or very occasionally Rosalie. Never guys. At that age you think that boys have about as much personality as a coat hanger - then you grow up.

In my case, I met Edward.

Well there we were, only weeks ago - though I can hardly believe it - lying on the sticky leather couch in front of the TV and talking about the holidays. It wasn't often that Forks had a sunny day, and this one was muggy and horrible.

"We haven't been down to the river for ages," Alice suggested as enthusiastically as the scorching heat would allow, "Let's do that."

"Okay," I agreed, equally as lazily, letting soothing images of the cool river water fill my dehydrated mind. "Hey, let's see if Charlie will let us take the Land Rover."

"Yeah," she sat up a little higher with a glint in her eye, "let's see if Jasper and Emmett want to come." It was a statement but it came off more as a question.

"Yeah, sure." I paused, thoughtful for a second before deciding that I wasn't giving too much away. "What about Edward? Do you think he might want to come this time?"

I thought I saw the hint of a smirk pull at the corner of her lips, but was fairly satisfied that it was just my imagination as she shrugged casually. "You can try, but he'll probably say no like always."

I pulled a playful angry face, attempting to disguise myself further. "If there are a bunch of us going then he might be interested," I suggested.

"And pigs might fly!" Alice snorted daintily. "But it's worth a try."

"Okay." I tried not to smile widely. "Hey, if we get the Land Rover, let's go further. Wouldn't it be great if we could go right up to Tailor's and into Hell."

"It'd be tough to convince our parents, but I reckon it's worth a shot," Alice chirped excitedly as she got up to retrieve another glass of ice water from the kitchen.

Tailor's, Tailor's Stitch, is a long line, an arête, that goes straight from Mount Anderson - the west most peak of the Olympic Mountains - to the La Push Reservation. It's rocky, very narrow, and steep in places, but you can walk along it, and there's a bit of cover. The views are fantastic. You can almost drive up to it at one point, near Mount Anderson, on an old logging track that's hard to find now, it's so overgrown. 'Hell' is what's on the other side of Tailor's, a cauldron of boulders and forest and maple vines and feral dogs and undergrowth. It's a wild place, and I didn't know anyone who had been there, though I'd stood on the edge and looked down it quite often. For one thing, I couldn't see how you'd get in there. The cliffs all around it are spectacular, hundreds of metres high in some places. There's a series of small cliffs called Satan's Steps that drop down into it, but trust me, if these are steps, the Great Wall of China is our back fence. If there was any access the cliffs would have to be the way, and I had always wanted to give it a go. The locals all told stories about the Hermit from Hell, an ex-murderer who was supposed to have lived in there for years. I wanted to believe in his existence but found it a bit difficult.

Anyway, everything sort of grew from there. We didn't realise it at the time but we had immediately let ourselves in for a lot of hard work. The first job was to persuade our parents to let us go which, surprisingly, wasn't very hard. Renee had tried pretty hard to convince us to do something different - like going down to the river again instead of trekking all the way up to Mount Anderson or taking the horses instead of the Landie. She even suggested inviting Jess and Lauren instead of the guys. Renee's idea of fun was attending the Forks show, so she was hardly an authority on the subject.

Finally, after a long discussion with Alice and me, we had all came to an agreement, and it was pretty good too. We could take the Land Rover, but I was the only one allowed to drive it. Charlie knows I'm a good driver, he'd taught me to drive the second my legs had been long enough to reach the pedals, so he felt that the others would be safe in my hands. We could go to the top of Tailor's Stitch, but we weren't to continue if it looked too dangerous. Instead we were to retreat back down the mountain to a campsite that my family had used quite often. We could invite the boys but we had to have a large group, at least six to eight people. That's because Renee and Charlie thought there was less chance of an orgy if we had greater numbers. Not that they'd admit that was the reason – they said it was to do with safety in numbers, but I know them too well. And yes, I've written that 'o' in 'know' carefully – I wouldn't want it to be confused with an 'e'.

We had to promise not to take alcohol and we had to promise that the guys wouldn't, not that any of us really drunk often. It made me wonder about the way adults turned growing up into such a complicated process. They expect you to always be on the lookout for a chance to do something rebellious - sometimes they even put ideas in your head. I don't think we would have bothered to take any booze anyway. Too expensive, for one thing – we were all pretty poor as a result of the holidays. But the funny thing was that when our parents thought that we were doing something wild, we never were, and when they thought we were being innocent, we were usually up to something.

We ended up with a list of eight people, counting us, and providing that Edward agreed. But five minutes after we made the list, one of the guys on it, Mike Newton, turned up at the Cullens' place with his dad. He was one of the farmers that rented land from Carlisle and Esme, so he liked to drop in from time to time to keep the Cullens updated on the land condition and stock levels and all that. So we immediately put the question to them. Mr Newton's a big guy who always dresses nicely, no matter where he is or what he's doing. This always seemed ridiculous to me when he was out working on the farm, but he had always seemed like a very serious and dull kind of guy to me. He was always a bit of a suck up to the Cullens and I guess he thought he could impress them with his high standard of dress. When his dad's around, Mike stays pretty quiet, which is totally different from the Mike we know from school. He was loud and opinionated, and extremely full of himself. He'd had quite a serious crush on me a few years back, which kind of made me feel uncomfortable that he ended up on the list; I didn't want him to get the wrong idea because I didn't like him much to be honest. But it had been Alice's idea, and I just wanted to even up the numbers.

We asked them as they sat at the Cullens' kitchen table, pigging out on Esme's date scones, and we got knocked back in one sentence. It turned out that Mr and Mrs Newton were going overseas, and even though they had a worker, Mike had to stay home and keep an eye on the place. So that was a bad start to our plans – but not that bad.

The next day, I resisted going to Alice's for once – deciding to leave Edward till last, and half hoping that Alice would do it so that I didn't have to. I took a motorbike and rode across the paddocks to Emmett's. I sent him a text earlier that morning but had gotten no reply, which wasn't that strange from Emmett; he was pretty hopeless at keeping his phone on him. He was my neighbour and though both of our farms were reasonably large, our houses were quite close together. But today I found his house to be quiet and empty. It didn't take me long to track him down though, I found him down by the creek testing a valve that he'd just cleared out. As I arrived he was holding it high, watching optimistically to see if it was leaking.

"Look at that!" he boomed as I got off the Yamaha. "Good as new."

"What was the problem?"

"I've got no idea. Three minutes ago it was leaking and now it aint. That's good enough for me." He picked up the pipe and started jamming the valve back on.

"Your Dad would kick your ass if he knew you did that," I warned as he became fed up with shoving it back together and resorted to kicking it.

"Not if nobody tells him, he won't," he said raising an eyebrow at me. "Remember, I know where you sleep, Swan."

I gave him a sudden shove, trying to push him into the creek, but he was too strong and just laughed it off.

I watched as he pumped the pipe up and down, forcing water into it, and then helped him carry the buckets up to the pump to finish priming. On the way I told him about our plans.

"Oh yeah, I'm in," he said rather enthusiastically. "I'd rather we went to a tropical resort and drank cocktails with little umbrellas in them, but this'll do in the meantime."

We went back to his place for lunch, and he asked his parents if it'd be ok if he skipped out for a few nights to come on the trip.

"Bella and I are going bush for a few days," he announced. That was Emmett's way of asking permission. His mum didn't react at all; his father raised an eyebrow from above a coffee cup.

It was then that Emmett asked when we were planning on leaving.

"Well it's kind of late notice but Alice and I decided on Friday," I told him. It was currently Tuesday.

Emmett eyed me sceptically. "We'll miss the show," he pointed out, not really sounding too concerned.

"I know, but we can't go any later, we're shearing at my place."

"'Kay," he shrugged and went back to chewing on his enormous sandwich.

So Emmett was organised, and Alice rang that night to say that Jasper was coming too, and bringing his twin sister Rosalie, who also happened to be Emmett's girlfriend.

"He wasn't all that keen," she told me. "I think he'd rather go to the show, but he's doing it for me."

"Ugh, yuck, vomit, spew," I gagged down the phone. "Tell him to go to the show if that's what he wants. There are plenty of other guys who would kill to come with us."

"Yeah, but they're all under twelve," Alice sighed. "Jasper's little brothers are desperate to come with us. But they're too young, even for you."

"And too old for you."

"Ha ha!" she laughed sarcastically.

"So Rose is definitely in?"

"Yeah, surprisingly. She wasn't so keen until I mentioned that Emmett was coming. I think that definitely made up her mind."

I gagged down the phone again. "Those two are definitely sleeping a very, very, _very_ long way away from me."

"I second that!" She laughed musically.

"Hey, um, have you talked to Edward about it yet?" I asked as casually as I could manage.

"Nah, I haven't yet. But he heard me talking to Carlisle and Esme about it so he knows we're going. Maybe you should come over tomorrow and we can both try to pressure him into it. It'd be good for him."

"Yeah, sure. I'll be over tomorrow."

With that we said our goodbyes. It was getting hard to use the phone, because the TV was yelling at me. Mum had it turned up extra loud so that she could hear the news in the kitchen.

An angry fat face filled the screen. I stopped and watched for a minute. "We've got a wimp for a foreign minister," the face was shouting. "He's weak, he's gutless, he's the new Neville Chamberlain. He doesn't understand the people he's dealing with. They respect strength, not weakness!"

"Do you think defence is high on the Government's agenda?" the interviewer asked.

"High? High? You must be joking! Do you know what they've cut from the defence budget? Everything is being poured into the campaigns in Iraq..."

Thank goodness I'm getting away from this for a week, I thought.

I took the cordless phone and went to my bedroom to ring Angela.

"Bella!" she wailed. "It'd be great but I'd never be allowed."

"Oh, come on Angela, you're tough. Put the pressure on them."

She sighed. "Oh Bella, you don't know what my parents are like."

"Well ask them anyway. I'll wait."

I waited, quite a long time, but eventually Mr and Mrs Webber gave in and Angela was another tick on our list.

The funny thing about it was that if parents ever had a daughter they could trust, it was the Webbers and Angela, but they didn't seem to have worked that out yet. The biggest problem they were ever likely to have with her was being late to church. And that'd probably be because she'd stopped to help a boy scout to cross the road. Maybe that was a slight exaggeration, but not by much.

Anyway, our list was up to six and we had just one more person to ask.

Alice's house wasn't far from ours so I got on the Yamaha and took to the road, hoping that I wouldn't run into the new cop in town. A few minutes and one very empty stretch of road later, I was pulling up the Cullens' driveway.

As I turned the key off to the Yamaha and placed it on the stand, my ears caught the most alluring sound coming from within the house. Edward was on the piano.

I walked up to the front door and opened it slowly. I never knocked anymore. The Cullen's house was like a second home to me. I closed the door softly behind me and followed the noise through the entranceway to the lounge. Edward sat on the piano stool as his long slender fingers danced nimbly across the black and ivory keys. His eyes were closed and there was no music sheet in front of him. He played beautifully from memory.

I recognised the tune. It was one of my favourites. I had heard Renee play it a hundred times when I was a child. The soft music slowed and eventually drew to a close. I watched silently, leaning against the doorframe as Edward laid his hands still on the keys, even though the song was finished, until the noise from the last note faded into nothingness. His eyes slowly opened as he removed his fingers from the piano and turned to move away. That was when he caught sight of me, his head turning sharply in my direction and his eyes opening wide in surprise.

"Shit, Bella!" he gasped, stunned and maybe a little embarrassed. "How long have you been standing there?"

"Not very long, sorry," I mumbled, feeling foolish and intrusive. My hands began instinctively pulling at the sleeves of my shirt. "I didn't mean to intrude, I just really like that song."

His perfectly sculptured eyebrows pulled together as he looked at me, confused. "You know Debussy?" he questioned sceptically.

I gave him a half smile and nodded. "Renee likes to play classical music while she does the housework. That was always one of my favourites," I admitted shyly.

"It's one of my favourites too." He smiled up at me, a smile which made my heart skip a beat.

"Claire de Lune, right?" I asked, taking an unconscious step into the room.

His face lit up into an even brighter smile, flashing his rows of perfect white teeth. This time my heart picked up its speed in my chest.

"Yeah actually, it is."

I smiled timidly but couldn't keep my eyes away from the way his smile seemed to brighten up his eyes. Suddenly his expression shifted and he looked away towards the window.

"Oh, um, Alice said that you might turn up while she was gone and for me to let you know that her and Esme have just gone into town to pick up some stuff. She said to make yourself at home till they get back." His expression lightened and he smiled again.

"Oh right," I answered, unsure of what to do next. "I guess I'll…" I pointed up the stairs towards Alice's room. He shrugged and nodded.

I turned to leave but a sudden burst of confidence made me turn again on my heel to face him. Better to get it over and done with.

He was still watching me from his seat on the piano stool with an unreadable expression upon his face.

"Um, actually, there was something I wanted to ask you about," I said, wrestling with my shirt sleeves again. Stupid nervous habit.

His eyebrows pulled together once more. "What's that?"

I gave an uncomfortable smile, knowing how ridiculous this would sound after all the hundreds of times he had said no in the past. "I know you'll probably say no, because you always do, but I was wondering if you were interested in coming along with us to Tailor's Stitch?"

"Your camping trip?"

I nodded.

"I thought you would have given up asking me by now," he laughed.

_I probably should have, _I thought.

I shrugged and faked indifference. "You know me, ever persistent."

He smiled and rolled his eyes playfully.

Since he hadn't actually said no, I decided to press further. "There's a bigger group of us going this time. You'd make seven. Guys and girls."

"Oh," he looked at me contemplatively for a moment, deciding. This was progress. "Whereabouts is Tailor's Stitch?"

I couldn't help but grin as I moved to the window and pointed over the landscape to the large lumps of rock protruding on the horizon.

"This side of Mount Anderson. You get to it from the back of my place."

He walked to the window and stood beside me, following my gaze before turning to cock an eyebrow at me. "You want to go camping up a mountain?"

I laughed and shook my head profusely. "No, actually the place we want to get to is on this side of Mount Anderson, it's called Hell."

"Sounds delightful."

I laughed. "It's just a name. The country up there is actually really beautiful. My parents and I used to go up there all the time, and people hike up there quite often. There's this basin on the other side of Tailor's where a hermit was meant to live. He was supposed to have murdered a whole bunch of people and fled before he was charged to live there – hence the name Hell." I paused for a moment, considering my words. "I'm not convincing you at all, am I?" I finally conceded, kind of solemnly.

He chuckled a little. "Well you shouldn't be, but you sort of are." He looked to be shocked himself.

"Really?" I asked disbelieving.

He turned his face away from the window and back to me. Ridiculously, my heart fluttered a little. "Strangely, yeah. Huge mountains, dirty hermits, ex-murderers, snakes, insects, bad food and crappy beds… could be kinda fun."

"If you're teasing, it's not funny," I warned him sternly.

He laughed again, raising his hands up in defence. "I'm being serious, I swear. I may regret it later, but I'm in."

Little did he know how huge that statement really was.

I had to work extra hard to keep my nonchalant composure at this point, but was saved when the Cullens' BMW rolled in front of the window and Alice sprung from the front seat and began dancing her way to the front door. Within seconds she had me by the wrist and was dragging me upstairs while ranting on about a new pair of shoes she'd brought. I turned to wave goodbye to Edward as he gave me a sympathetic smile.

Our list of eight was down to seven, but they were all definite and we were happy with them. I'll try to describe them the way they were then – or the way I thought they were, because none of us are the same person that we were back then. We've all changed, and my knowledge of them has changed dramatically. It's funny how much you learn about a person while faced with life and death.

For instance, I always thought of Angela as fairly quiet and serious. She got effort certificates at school every year, and she was heavily into church stuff. But I knew there was more to her than that. I was on the same soccer team as her in freshman year, and to be quite honest she frightened me. The moment she stepped onto the field something in her would change and she'd become this crazy person. In one game Angela could do about as much damage as an aerial gunship. She liked to win, that much was obvious, and sometimes she could be damn vicious. But the second the full time whistle had gone, she'd be back to her old quiet and timid self. I guess I've gotten to see a lot more of the aggressive side of Angela now, and honestly, I don't think I'd be here writing this to you if she hadn't had that aggression deep down. Angela's the kind of person that can so easily be overlooked and tends to fade into the background. I suppose I had been guilty of doing it in the past, but if I knew what she was really capable of like I do now, I don't think I would have.

Rosalie was always the most beautiful girl in school, even when we were kids, and she knew it too. She spent a lot of time and effort on her looks, but instantly dismissed anyone who judged her by them_. _I love her beautiful, delicate skin. She's tall and statuesque with a perfect figure, the kind you see in the _Sports __Illustrated_ swimsuit issue, the kind that makes every girl around her take a hit on her self-esteem just by being in the same room. She skims lightly across the ground where the rest of us trudge across it like it's made of mud. I should exempt Alice from this though, because she is light and graceful too. Rosalie's hair is amazing, long and golden, it waves to the middle of her back. She has what my mother calls 'fine features'. She looks like she had never done a hard day's work in her life, never been in the sun, never got her hands dirty, and that was all true because unlike us rurals, she lived in town and spent more time shopping and doing her hair then drenching sheep or marking lambs. Her parents are both solicitors.

I guess her twin brother Jasper shares her good looks too. He's tall as well and has Rosalie's honey blonde hair. His features are almost as perfect as hers too, but he's Alice's man and he had to come along otherwise she would have lost interest straight away. Jasper is a lot more reserved than Rosalie, he's quiet by nature and has almost none of Rosalie's outgoing tendencies. But he's kind and good hearted and I know he's the best thing that ever happened to Alice. He's great to her, and I never find anything to complain about him. He loves her – that much is blatantly obvious.

Next is Alice. Alice is beautiful, dainty and tough, with long limbs and a short stature. When she talks, my head automatically leans towards the sound of her voice. Her hair is her pride and joy, besides Jasper; it's a deep black, cropped short and pointed in every direction around her slim face. She moves like a dancer, something I've always been ridiculously jealous of.

Last, but definitely not least, is Emmett. Emmett has been a big part of my life for a long time, almost as long as Alice, and I emphasise the word _big._ Emmett is huge, not fat, just humongous. I swear even his muscles are growing muscles. He's a pretty intimidating guy if you don't know him. He's loud, sarcastic, and will always say what's on his mind - inappropriate or not. He's always getting himself into trouble. Even from a very young age, he had become very familiar to our school principal, and not for good reasons. I'll always remember the day when his mother invited over our family to Emmett's house for dinner when we were kids. His mum had tried to make him eat brussel sprouts and they had had a massive fight right there at the table. Anyway, in the end Emmett had taken a sprout and thrown it at her. It had hit her right on the forehead, pretty hard too. My entire family had watched goggle-eyed as Emmett went back casually to eating his dinner without much more interference from his mum. I had never seen anything like it before. After we returned home, Charlie gave me a firm warning that if I was ever to try something like that he would tie me to the back of the tractor and use me to plough the paddocks.

Emmett was quite short as a kid but he'd filled out and grown a lot in the last few years, until he ended up as one of the biggest guys in school. He liked hunting and would often ring my parents to ask if he could come on our property to wipe out a few more pests. He liked to play football – because he was damn good at it, he was captain of the Forks team for the past two years. He was also heavily into music – but not like Edward, mostly old school metal.

Emmett and I had spent heaps of our free time together when we were little and I wasn't with Alice, and we were still very close. People at school always doubted that our friendship was just that, a friendship and nothing more. To tell you the truth, he was more like a brother so the inquisitive looks we still got were easy to ignore.

So that was the Secret Seven. Hah! Those books don't have a lot of bearing on what's happened to us. I can't think of any books I've read – or films I've seen – that relate much to us. We've all had to re-write the scripts of our lives in the last few months. As a group we've learnt a lot about each other and about the world, and we've had to figure out what's important, what matters – what really matters. In the end it was each other.

**A/N- There's the first real chapter up! Stick around, things are going to get hectic. I feel compelled to warn you that not all characters are going to make it out of this alive. Dun dun dun! But never fear, I don't have the heart to kill of Bella or Edward - That would just be cruel. Everyone else is fair game at this point. This is war, people are gonna die. Who could be entirely up to you, most of this is written already but I'm willing to change bits and pieces for you guys. Naww, aren't I nice! **

**Leave me a comment and it'll make me X and D... XD**

**Shitsandgiggles**


	3. Chapter 2 First Steps Into Hell

**A/N - Heres the next chapter, one day later as promised. I just gotta say that I'm really sorry about filling your inbox's yesterday. It's annoying, I know. I'm sorry. **

**Anyway, this chapters quite similar to the original (for those who read it) but since it's been agggggggggges since i posted that you probably want to read it anyway. **

**I'm going to be taking down the original in the next few days, so it'll disappear from your story alerts and favourites for those who have it on there. Please stick with me and re-favorite this one. I promise you it will be worth it. This fic's been three years in the making so it feels amazing that I'm finally getting it finished. Having said that, theres still a very very very long way to go. **

**CHAPTER TWO First Steps Into Hell**

_Chaos brings order._

_Who will you allow to lead you blindly until the end?_

_Dance the night away because tomorrow,_

_We will look back and talk about good times now gone forever._

_Trace lines around the image of your choice._

_Dance until the end, my friend, and find joy in every living thing._

_Optimism is not a choice, it's a belief._

_(Barbarian – August Burns Red)_

The plan was to leave at eight o'clock, nice and early. By about ten o'clock, we were nearly ready. I said goodbye to Renee, who was headed to the show early to help set up. Charlie had already left early that morning, like a good farmer, to tend to the sheep and cattle.

By ten-thirty, Rosalie and Jasper were the only ones holding us up. Rose had turned up with a huge pack full of stuff, which was ridiculous because she could hardly stand up while she was carrying it, let alone hike god knows how far into the depths of Hell with it. Together we formed a committee to reorganise Rosalie's pack and take out all the non-essential items like a robe and pillow. Cleary, Rosalie was not part of the committee. Jasper's pack was better, but only marginally. We let him and Alice reorganise his by themselves though.

After another half hour of mucking around and loading up the Landie we were finally on our way, bumping our way up the steep and rutted track to Tailor's Stitch. No one had used the track in a few years, and I'm fairly sure if Charlie knew how overgrown it had become he wouldn't have agreed to us driving up there. He trusted my driving, but not that much.

It was a hard, slow and nauseating grind but eventually we made it. Rosalie hastily vacated the rear seat the second the Landie came to a stop at the top end of the trail. She quickly headed for the nearest bush, looking as white as a corpse, and threw up.

It was not a pretty sight. Everything Rose did, she did gracefully, but even she found it hard to be graceful while vomiting. Emmett didn't help matters by finding it highly amusing. After that, she sat quietly on a fallen log and ignored Emmett, who was attempting to apologise for laughing.

We had left the day before Memorial Day and the show, a day when the whole country stops, but in our county people don't just stop. They stop and then they literally converge on Forks, because Memorial Day is traditionally the day of the Forks show.

It was quite an exciting event for us when we were younger, but eventually you find that there's a limit to how many balls you can roll down the clown's throat and a maximum to how many times you can get excited about your mother winning Best Decorated Cake. These days, show day was more of a chore than a holiday. A year's break from the show wouldn't do us any harm.

At least, that's what we thought.

It was about half past two when we got to the top of Tailor's. The rest of the trip would have to be done on foot, but for the time being, we wandered around and admired the view. From one side you could see the ocean, beautiful First Beach on the Quileute Reservation, one of my favourite places. According to Charlie, it was too far from the city for anything except swimming, surfing and the occasional yacht or two. We could see a few ships there this time, though - a couple of large fishing trawlers, maybe. The water looked shockingly beautiful from this distance; it was a deep blue that rolled softly onto the light golden sand.

As I watched a fat pigeon cleaning its feathers on a tree quite close to the truck, Alice came up and leaned against a rock close to me. She eyed me warily until I finally got nervous and asked her what was up.

"You're into my brother, aren't you?" she blurted out, making my jaw drop to the ground and my eyes widen in terror.

"What the hell are you on about?" I managed to stammer out quickly with maybe a tad too much emphasis and denial, rendering myself completely unconvincing.

She rolled her eyes at me. "Oh, come on, Bella! I'm your best friend, have been since as long as I can remember. I know you better than you know yourself, and I'm telling you that you are seriously keen on Edward," she announced, almost indignantly.

To be honest, I had been expecting this for years. I was a terrible actor and I was surprised she hadn't hit me up about it ages ago.

"What's brought this on all of a sudden?" I asked, sidetracking a little.

She shrugged and leaned back farther into the rock, still eyeing me suspiciously. "I don't know. I figured with him being here with us on this trip that you'd finally grow some balls and 'fess up."

"Well, you're wrong," I hedged.

She sighed heavily and shook her head. "You're unbelievable, Bella. I thought we didn't keep stuff from each other? I'm not going to bite your head off you know." She actually sounded a little hurt. "Come on! It's me!"

"Ugh," I grumbled. I was a sucker for a guilt trip, and she damn well knew it. "He is kind of good looking, I suppose." I shrugged casually. Total blasphemy!

Her eyes sprang back towards mine as she shrieked. "Hah! I knew it!"

"Alice! You're twisting my words."

She poked out her tongue childishly at me. "Whatever. You're too good for him anyway."

I groaned impatiently and sank down farther into the rock. She would say that about every guy - that's just the way we worked. She secretly had a lot of respect for Edward, not that she'd ever admit it to his face. We didn't talk again after that; just lay there enjoying the sun on our faces while the others checked out the sights. Alice and I had spent a bit of time up here over the years so we weren't fascinated by the beauty of it as much anymore. Emmett had seen the view countless times as well and was off trying to apologise to Rosalie for being an ass while she ignored him diligently.

In the opposite direction of First Beach, Tailor's Stitch wound its way to the summit of Mount Martin, a sharp straight ridge of bare black rocks forming a thin line as though a surgeon had made a giant incision years ago. Another view faced back down the way we had come, the trail invisible under its canopy of trees and creepers. Way in the distance you got glimpses of the rich farmland of the Forks district, dotted with houses and clumps of trees, the lazy Forks River curling slowly through it.

And on the other side was Hell.

"Holy shit," Jasper exclaimed, taking a long look into the gigantic hole in the earth. "We're going in there?"

The others looked just as worried as Jasper sounded. Even Alice looked sceptical.

"We're going to try," I said, having doubts already, but trying to sound strong and sure.

"How the hell did you find a place like this? It's impressive," Edward asked. "I'm impressed." He gave me a half smile which distracted me temporarily and I almost forgot to respond. I looked away.

"Anyone who comes to Forks is usually subjected to the story of the murderer from Hell. I'm surprised you hadn't heard it before now. If the stories are true, then getting down there is a possibility."

"Wait," Rosalie interrupted. "If the stories are true, and we _can_ get down there, doesn't that mean that there's also an ex-murdering hermit waiting to chop us into pieces?"

I rolled my eyes subtly. For someone who had spent their entire life in Forks Rosalie never really paid any attention to what was going on around her. She could, however, give you a meticulous rundown of every celebrity hook up or break up in the entire country.

"The hermit was said to have been charged for his crime in the early nineteen hundreds, Rose. Unless he can live to be over 110 years old, he's well and truly gone," I told her. She seemed comforted, but only slightly.

"Okay, my turn. I've got two questions," said Jasper, "but I'm only going to ask one. How?"

"What's the other one?"

"The other one is 'why?' But, like I said, I'm not going to ask that one. Just tell me how and I'll shut my mouth and be satisfied. I'm easily satisfied..."

"That's not what Alice says," Emmett interrupted.

A few rocks were thrown, there was some wrestling and Emmett almost took the quick way into Hell. That's the two things guys are addicted to: throwing rocks and wrestling, but I've noticed these guys don't do either of them much anymore. I wonder why.

"So, how _are_ we going to get in there?" Jasper asked again as he raised himself from the ground and wiped the dirt from his pants.

I pointed to the right. "There it is. That's our route."

"_That_? That giant cliff?" Edward asked doubtfully, while arching his perfect eyebrow once more in a way that was far more seductive than it should have been.

He was exaggerating a bit, but not by much.

Satan's Steps are huge granite boulders that looked like they had been thrown in there in random descending order by some drunken giant, back in the Stone Age. There's no vegetation on them - they're uncompromisingly bare. The more I looked at them that day, the more unlikely the whole thing seemed, but that didn't stop me making my big motivational speech.

"Look, I'm not sure if we can make it, but we've come this far, so we have to try. What have we got to lose? Besides, if we do make it, we could possibly be the first people to get down there in the last fifty to a hundred years. That's got to come with a few bragging rights." I had to sound enthusiastic. If I didn't convince them now, they would give up and this whole thing would have been a waste of time. Even Alice's endless supply of enthusiasm seemed to be temporarily absent.

"Shit, Bella," Edward said with respect. "Now I understand why they made you captain of the soccer team."

"Right, you heard her. Time to get the packs out of the Land Rover. Let's get a move on, people," came Alice's commanding voice as her excitability finally kicked back in, distracting me from the huge compliment that Edward had just paid me. I was eternally grateful that she had finally decided to back me up on this one.

We unloaded the packs and then leaned against them, admiring the views and the old blue sky, and munching down on chicken and salad. After that, we distributed the food that Alice and I had so carefully bought between our seven packs. There seemed to be mountains of it, but there were seven of us and we planned to be away for five nights. Still, try as we might, we couldn't get it all in.

"Right, we're going to have to make some tough decisions," Alice said, addressing the group. "Muesli bars or marshmallows?"

This went on for a few minutes, and I'm ashamed to say which foods got left behind. We took the chocolate, chips, cookies and, of course, marshmallows – while the muesli bars, canned corn and potatoes got left behind.

A little while later, we got moving, our packs all bulging with the disgusting food we would be living off for the next few days. We set off along the ridge, Emmett taking the lead, Jasper and Alice quite a long way in the rear, talking softly, more absorbed in each other than the scenery. I couldn't help but be a little jealous of the bond they shared.

The ground was hard and dry; although Tailor's Stitch was straight, the trail wound around, on it and off it, but the footing was easy and the sun still high in the sky. We were each carrying three full water bottles, which added a lot of weight to the packs, but that still wouldn't last us long. We were relying on finding water in Hell, assuming we could get in there. Otherwise, we'd return to the Landie in the morning for more. When the water in the canteens ran out, we'd drive a couple of miles down the trail to a spring where I'd often camped with Renee and Charlie.

As we started to move down the trail, I heard the footsteps behind me increase in pace and suddenly found Edward at my side, a slight smile on his flawless lips.

"This is going to be hard work, isn't it?"

"Nah, should be a piece of cake," I said as honestly as I could, hoping he wouldn't notice my sarcasm, but more importantly, that he wouldn't decide to ditch out and go home.

"You can't bullshit a bullshitter," he said, his smile widening to flash a row of his perfect teeth.

For probably the third time today I found myself momentarily stunned by the brilliance of his smile, which I never saw often enough, until I felt the heat start to flood my face as I blushed. I turned away hastily, hiding my face behind my hair.

"Hey come on, I didn't mean to be rude," he said moments later in such a soft tone that my head whipped back around to his face. He was looking down at me apologetically and I found myself staring again.

"It's okay, I'm not that easily offended," I reassured him quickly before dropping my gaze once more.

We walked together in silence for a few more minutes. I tried desperately to distract myself with the scenery around me, but it all failed in comparison to Edward's eyes. My god, I was pathetic.

After a while I grew uncomfortable with the silence, and in an attempt to make small talk, I asked nervously if he had seen the latest Transformers movie.

His eyes lit up instantly, making my heart hammer fast in my chest.

"Three times," he grinned, holding up enough fingers to match.

From then on we talked about movies, horror ones mainly. Edward was an expert – he must have seen thousands. That surprised me because I knew him mainly for his piano playing and classic novels, which didn't seem to fit with horror movies. He was just finishing his speech about his undying appreciation for the Saw film series - gruesome psychological slasher movies that I had a very hard time sitting through – when we reached the top of the first of Satan's Steps.

From the top, Satan's Steps looked as wild and forbidding as they had from a distance. We stood and looked, waiting for Jasper and Alice to catch up.

"Hmm, interesting," Emmett mused, somewhat sarcastically I feared.

That was about the shortest sentence I'd ever heard from him.

"There must be a way," Alice stated, arriving at that moment.

"When we were kids, we used to say that looked like a trail, down to the left there. We'd always told ourselves it was the Hermit's path. We used to scare ourselves by imagining that he would appear at any time," I told the group. Edward chuckled a little.

"He was probably just a nice, misunderstood old man," Angela argued, showing her humanitarian side.

I shook my head. "Don't think so. They say he murdered his wife and baby."

"I don't think it's a path anyway, just a fault line in the rock," Edward pointed out.

We kept standing and looking for quite a while, as if staring at the rocks would cause a path to magically appear, as if this were Narnia. Emmett wandered a bit farther along the embankment.

"We could get over the first block, I think," he called back to us. "That ledge on the far side, it looks like it drops pretty close to the ground on the far corner."

We followed over to where he stood. It certainly looked possible.

"Suppose we get down there and can't go any farther?" Rosalie asked nervously.

"Then we climb back and try something else," I encouraged, but she didn't seem too pleased at all.

"What if we can't get back?"

"What goes down, must come up," Emmett added, wrapping his arm around Rosalie's waist and showing how much attention he'd not been paying in science for all these years.

"Let's do it," Alice said with surprising firmness. I was glad. I didn't want to push people too much, but I felt like the whole success or failure of this expedition reflected on me. I'd talked them into it, and it was my idea to take the plunge into Hell. If it was a miserable failure, I'd feel horrible. It'd be like throwing a party then playing Debussy all evening – at least Edward would enjoy himself.

They seemed willing to take a shot at the first of Satan's Steps, but even the first step was difficult. We had to drop into a tangle of old logs and blackberries, then scramble up the tilted, scarred face of the rock. We got quite scarred ourselves. There was more than a bit of swearing and sweating and pulling other people up and hanging onto other people's packs before we were all standing on top, peering down at Emmett's ledge.

"If they're all as difficult as this..." Rosalie panted without needing to finish her sentence.

"Over here," Emmett called as he got onto his hands and knees, turned to face us and then slid backwards over the ledge.

"Oh yeah?" Rosalie said patronisingly, frowning down at him as he disappeared out of sight.

"No worries," we heard Emmett call from somewhere below. There was a worry, and that was how we were going to get back up again, but no one else mentioned it, so I didn't either. I think we were all too caught up in the thrill of the chase. Angela followed Emmett; then Jasper, with much scrabbling and grunting, lowered himself cautiously after them. I went next, scratching my hand a bit. It wasn't easy because the heavy packs wanted to overbalance and pull us backwards. By the time I got down, Emmett and Angela were already jumping off the end of the ledge and fighting their way through the scrub to inspect the second huge block of granite.

"The other side looks better," Edward said after sliding down after me. I couldn't help but notice how the muscles in his arm bulged under his t-shirt as he lifted his weight down to the ground effortlessly despite the weight of the packs we carried. He was a lot stronger than he looked. I followed him around the side of the huge granite block, and we inspected the possibilities. It was going to be difficult. There was a steep drop on either side of the block, despite the bushes and grasses growing out of the cliff, and the rock itself was sheer and high. Our only hope was an old fallen log that disappeared into the shadows and undergrowth but at least seemed to be going in the right direction.

"That's our path," I said. Edward nodded his head in agreement and we called the others over.

"Hmmm," Emmett said, coming up beside us.

I straddled the log and started a slow slide down it.

"She loves it, doesn't she," I heard Emmett say. I grinned as I heard the slap of Rosalie's hand hitting some part of his exposed flesh. The log was soft and damp but was holding together. It was surprisingly long and I realised it was taking me under the front of the rock. Huge black beetles, woodlouse and earwigs started spilling out of the wood between my legs as I got towards the thin and more rotten end. I grinned again, hoping I'd scared them all away before Rosalie followed me down.

When I stood up I realised that I was under an overhang, free from vegetation but facing a screen of trees that almost concealed the next giant block. We'd be able to force a way through the screen, no doubt getting more torn and scratched along the way, but there was no guarantee that we could get around or over or under the granite. I sidestepped along, peering through the screen, looking for possibilities, as the others started joining me. Rosalie was the fourth, arriving a little breathless but without fuss; funnily enough it was Jasper who was unnerved by the bugs.

He slid the last few yards down the tree in a rush, and started brushing himself off agitatedly, spinning round and round in the narrow space we had, trying to catch glimpses of any creepy crawlies that could still be clinging on. I couldn't help wondering how he would cope with fly-struck sheep.

"Well," said Angela cheerfully, peering around and looking for any way out of the overhang, "looks like we camp here for a week."

There was a bit of a silence.

"Bella," I heard Edward's voice call to me softly, "I don't think we're going to find a way down. And the farther we go, the harder it's going to be to get back up."

"Let's just try for one more step," I urged and then added, a little wildly, "Three's my lucky number."

We poked around a bit more, but rather doubtfully.

Finally, Alice called to us from the very left of our little clearing. "There might be a chance if we wriggle through here. We might be able to get around the side somewhere."

The gap she had picked was so narrow we had to take our packs off to get through it, but I was game so I took Alice's pack as she wriggled into a prickly overgrown hole. Her head disappeared, then her back, then her legs.

"This is crazy," I heard Rosalie mumble from behind me, but seconds later Alice's voice came from up front. "Okay, now my pack." So I pushed it through after her. Then, leaving Edward with my pack, I followed after her.

I soon realised that Alice had the right idea, but it sure was difficult. If I weren't such a stubborn, pigheaded idiot, I would have surrendered by this point. We ended up crawling like poisoned rabbits, each pushing the pack ahead of us. But I caught glimpses of a wall of rock on my left, and we were definitely going downhill. So I figured we were probably getting around the third of Satan's Steps. Then Alice paused in front of me, forcing me to stop too.

"Hey!" she called. "Can you hear what I hear?"

There are some questions that really annoyed me, like "What do you know?", "Are you working to your full capacity?" (Our grade teacher's favourite), "Guess what I'm thinking?", and "What on earth do you think you're doing, young lady?" (Charlie, when he's really annoyed). I don't like any of them. And 'Can you hear what I hear?' is definitely in that same category. Plus I was tired, hot and frustrated. So I gave a pissy answer.

After a minute's pause Alice, showing more patience than I, called back, "There's water ahead. Running water."

When I actually took the time to listen, I realised that I could hear it, too. So I passed the word back to the others. It was only a small thing, but it kept us going that little bit longer. I crawled on grimly, listening to the sound getting louder and closer. It had to be quite a busy stream, which at this altitude meant a spring. We could all do with a fresh cold drink of mountain spring water. We'd need it for the struggle back up to the top of Hell. And it was time we started that struggle. It was getting late and we needed time to set up a campsite.

Suddenly the dense undergrowth gave way and I was at the stream and there was Alice, standing on a rock grinning at me.

"Well, we found something," I said, grinning back. It was a pretty little thing. The sun didn't reach it, so it was cool and dark and secret. The water bubbled over rocks that were green and wet and slippery with moss. I knelt and soaked my face, then drank from my hands as the others started to arrive. There wasn't much room but Angela started exploring in one direction, stepping gingerly from rock to rock, as Edward did the same in the other direction. I admired their energy.

"It's a nice creek," said Rosalie, "but, Bella, we'd better start heading back up the top."

"I know. Let's just relax a bit first, for five minutes. We've earned it."

"This is worse than an Outward Bound course," Emmett complained childishly.

Angela suddenly reappeared from the south end of the creek; the look on her face was almost frightening. I couldn't stand in the dense undergrowth, but I quickly straightened up as far as I could, my heart skipping a beat.

"What's happened?"

Angela answered with the air of someone who is hearing her own voice but not believing her own words, "I just found a bridge."

**A/N - I've decided to send the first nine chapters that I'm reposting to those who review. How's that for bribery? **

**For those that are wondering the new chapters are quite a lot different from the originals. This one not so much but you'll see it a lot in the next few.**

**Review! Review! Review! . Most of you already know that I am NOT above begging. Reviews honestly make my day.**


	4. Chapter 3 The Hermit From Hell

_CHAPTER THREE The Hermit From Hell_

_Imagine no possessions_

_I wonder if you can_

_No need for greed or hunger_

_A brotherhood of man_

_Imagine all the people_

_Sharing all the world..._

_You may say I'm a dreamer_

_But I'm not the only one_

_I hope someday you will join us_

_And the world as one_

_(Imagine (John Lennon cover) – A Perfect Circle)_

The path was covered with leaves and sticks and was a bit overgrown in places, but compared to what we had been down, it was like a freeway. We stood, spreading ourselves along it, marvelling. I felt almost dizzy with relief, astonishment and gratification.

"Bella," Emmett said earnestly, "I'll never call you a stupid, dumb, obstinate fool again."

"Aw, thanks, Emmett."

That was about one of the nicest comments you could get from Emmett, especially if you were a female. He considered his sexist tendencies to be part of his charm.

The bridge was old but had been beautifully built. It crossed the creek in a large clearing and was about a meter long, it even had a handrail. The surface was made with round logs rather than planks, but the logs matched and were cut with such perfect uniformity.

"It's amazing," I heard Edward murmur softly, probably more to himself than anyone else. I watched from a distance as he ran his fingers gently over the curved handrail in admiration.

Suddenly, we had so much energy, you would have thought someone had slipped something into our water bottles. We nearly decided to camp in the cool, shadowy clearing, but the urge to explore was too strong. We hoisted our packs onto our backs again, and hustled down the path.

"It must be true about the Hermit. No one else would go to that much trouble." Alice giggled excitedly. This was a big thing for us. We had grown up with the Hermit tale, and to find out that it was true was surreal.

"Wonder how long he was here for?" Jasper pondered aloud.

"How do you know it was a he?" Angela had protested.

"The locals always talked about him as a male." I told her.

"Most 'hims' are referred to as males." That was Edward, being a smart ass.

"He must have been here for years to have gone through all that trouble with the bridge."

"And the track is so well worn." Emmett observed.

"If he lived here for years, imagine how he filled his time."

"Yeah, food would be the big thing. Once you'd organized your meals, the rest of the day would be yours."

"I wonder what you'd live on."

"Wild animals – rabbits, maybe,"

"Wouldn't be many rabbits in this type of country. There would be plenty of possums, even feral cats, though," Emmett corrected Jasper. Hunting was Emmett's forte.

"Yuck," Alice said, wrinkling her nose daintily.

"You could grow vegetables."

"Bush tucker," Jasper added in a really good Steve Irwin impression.

"What would possum taste like?" Rose asked turning to Emmett.

"Like shit, I'd imagine."

"They say people eat too much anyway. If he just ate when he was really hungry, he wouldn't need much," I pointed out.

"You can train yourself to eat a lot less."

"You know Andy Farrar? He found a walking stick in the woods near La Push," Jasper told us all. "It was beautifully crafted, handmade, all carved and everything. Everyone said that it must have been the Hermit's, but I thought they were joking."

The trail was taking us downhill. It wound around a bit, but the trend was always downhill. It was going to be quite a sweat getting back up but not nearly as bad as what we had faced coming down. We'd lost a lot of altitude. The trail was beautiful though, quiet, shady, cool and damp. There were no flowers, just more shades of green than the English language knew about. The ground was deep in leaf litter; there were times when we lost the trail under heaps of leaves, bark and twigs, but a search under the trees always found it again. Every so often, it brought us back to Satan's Step's, so that for a few feet we were brushing alongside the granite walls. Once it cut between two steps and carried on down the other side. The gap was only a couple of feet wide, so it was almost a tunnel through the massive hunks of rock.

"This is pretty nice, for Hell," Edward said to me as we paused in the cool stone gap.

"Hmm. I wonder how long it's been since anyone's been down here."

"More than that," Angela, who was in front of us, said, "I wonder how many human beings have ever been down here, in the history of the universe. I mean, why would the Native Americans, early explorers, or settlers have bothered? Plus no one we know has. Maybe the Hermit and us are the only people ever to have seen it. Ever."

By that stage, it was getting obvious that we were getting close to the bottom. The ground was levelling out, and the last of the sunlight was filtering through to warm our faces. Both the overgrowth and the undergrowth were sparser, though still quite dense. The trail rejoined the creek and ran alongside it for a few hundred yards, before it opened out into our campsite.

We found ourselves in a large clearing, about the size of a football field, or a bit bigger. It would have been hard to play football on though, because it wasn't much of a clearing. It was studded with trees, three beautiful Eucalyptus and quite a few suckers and saplings. The creek was at the western end, from the entrance to the clearing you could hear but not see it.

The creek was flatter and wider here, and cold, freezing cold, even on a summer's day. In the early mornings it hurts and stings, but when you were hot and sticky, it's a wonderful, refreshing shock.

That's where I am now, of course.

Anyway, for any little wild things living in the clearing that day, we must have seemed like visitors from Hell, not visitors to it. We made a lot of noise. And Emmett, well Emmett's as loud as he is big, especially when he gets excited about something. Emmett was good with fire, but you could never cure him of his bad habit of breaking branches off trees instead of walking a few extra steps to pick up dead wood. But he was good with fires, he had the white smoke rising about five minutes after we arrived and flames burning like the fury of Satan himself about two minutes after that.

We decided not to bother with tents, even though we'd brought four. It was warm and there was no chance of rain, so we just strung up a tarp about eight feet off the ground for protection against the dew. I decided to get stuck into the cooking early, since the long walk and excitement of the day had left me near famished. I was pleasantly surprised when Edward walked over a few minutes later and offered me his assistance. Rosalie joined us a short time later.

"So, what are we having?" she asked curiously, staring down into the pot we had boiling in the embers.

"Two minute noodles for now. We'll cook some meat later, but I'm too hungry to wait," I told her, hoping she wouldn't object. I knew camping food wasn't really Rosalie's style.

"What are two minute noodles?"

Edward and I looked at each other with shocked faces.

"You've never had two minute noodle before?" I asked her.

She shook her head, "My mom's really into health foods and stuff."

"It's an awesome feeling," Edward said, a brilliant grin spreading across his face, "to realize you're about to change someone's life forever."

I'd never met anyone who had never had two-minute noodles before. Sometimes Rosalie seemed like an exotic butterfly.

That night, we stayed up late around the fire and talked and talked. I think we were all really excited to be there, in that strange and beautiful place, where so few humans had ever been. There aren't many wild places left on Earth, yet we'd fluked it into the middle of this wild kingdom. Emmett and Jasper had dragged a few large logs around the fire so there was plenty of seating, and we all sat around it in a large circle, just like you would see in the movies and on TV shows.

The entire night I found it extremely hard to keep my eyes away from Edward. The way the flames lit up his face, exaggerating his strong jaw and pronouncing his cheekbones was captivating. A few times he would catch me staring, and I would turn away quickly as I felt the blood instantly rush to my cheeks. Luckily, I didn't think he was able to see my blush because of the glow from the fire. I was comforted, however, when I saw him gazing at me from the corner of my eye. The first time I thought I must have just been imagining it, but I noticed it once again after that. Both times sent a new set of butterflies loose in my stomach, and I had to resist the urge to grin like a pathetic teenage girl, which was stupid, considering his intent was nothing like mine.

I knew I was really tired, but I was too revved up to go to bed until the others started standing up, yawning and looking towards their sleeping bags. Five minutes later, we were all unrolling our sleeping gear and heading towards the awning. Rosalie and Emmett curled up at one end while Alice and Jasper took the other end, leaving the middle for Angela, Edward and I. I grinned pathetically in the dark as Angela chose to lie closest to Alice, leaving a large gap for Edward and me. I wriggled into my sleeping bag, feeling rather cold now that I was away from our deliciously warm fire. It was difficult to see in the dark, but I noticed as Edward shuffled into his sleeping bag beside me. I lay down next to Rosalie and felt Edward's body touch the ground beside me. I turned quietly so that I was faced towards him. With the limited light from our dying fire, I was just able to see the outline of his face as he rested it down upon his makeshift pillow. Gentle snores were already beginning to sound from both sides of the group, and I felt myself grow drowsier by the second. I tried to force my eyelids to stay open, but their will was stronger than mine, and they fell heavily over my eyes. I fell asleep with the face of an angel being the last thing that I had seen.

The next day was a scorcher. Everyone had planned to sleep in that morning but the sun had other plans for us. It rose with admirable energy and forced us all from the sleeping bags that had now become our roasting bags. The heat of the morning had left me hot and sticky, so after a rather generous breakfast, I headed down to the creek to brave the icy mountain water in my shorts and t-shirt.

It was hard at first. The water stung my skin and made my bones ache, but after a few uncomfortable minutes the temperature became tolerable. The others came down as well, but mainly for the enjoyment of seeing me turn blue rather than the chance for a swim. I stayed in the water for as long as I could manage before flinging myself up onto the bank and spraying everyone with the water that clung to my hair, clothes and body.

Alice, Rosalie and I lay around beside the creek for a few hours, soaking up some much needed sun and just chatting about insignificant things. The heat zapped all of our energy so it was about the only thing we could do. Alice pulled a book she had been reading out of her pack, It was the first novel I had ever seen Alice read, but she was intent on finishing it.

I briefly thought about how the show must be going. Surely by now Renee would have won the best decorated cake prize like every year, and most of the cattle auctions would have been over. Our breeding line was well sought after in the region, so I knew Charlie would return home happy with his sales. The rest of our friends would probably have gotten bored of the mindless show games by now, and in anticipation of this, someone would have raided their parents booze cupboard. They would all be trashed by dinnertime and would spend the next hour trying every method under the sun to sober up before returning home.

My thoughts about the show were interrupted by an enraged shriek that hit pitches only Alice could obtain.

"Emmett you little bastard! Get your ass back here, right NOW!" she yelled as Emmett disappeared into the surrounding woods with the most mischievous grin I had ever seen him wear plastered across his features. Alice took off at a sprint after him, propelling random curse words in his direction at the top of her lungs, some of which I had never heard come out of her mouth before.

"What the heck was all that about?" I rolled over to question Rosalie who was lying on her back beside me, in what was probably a very expensive bikini, with dark sunglasses pulled over her eyes and her golden hair fanned around her face like a goddess.

"Emmett ripped out the last page of her book when you were all repacking my bag so that Alice can't find out whether the couple get together in the end of the story or not," she answered casually, readjusting the glasses on her face and stretching out her long limbs.

The fight between Alice and Emmett lasted for the better part of an hour until Alice finally enlisted the help of Jasper to take Emmett down. To be honest, I think Emmett was enjoying himself far too much, but he gave over the sheet of paper after Jasper promised him a wrestling match. Of course, Emmett always won, and Jasper always ended up with bruises, but that was the kind of sacrifice Jasper would make for Alice.

After Jasper received his butt kicking from Emmett, the boys were nominated to cook dinner that night, which was interesting to say the least. I wasn't sure about Jasper, but I knew for a fact that Emmett had never done an ounce of cooking in his life. The only time he would have entered the kitchen would have been to raid the fridge for ingredients for a sandwich. Needless to say, the burnt and clumpy 'Beef Surprise' that we were served was hastily discarded after only a few bites and quickly replaced by another round of two-minute noodles.

Much like the night before, we sat around the fire until late, talking and laughing, until Emmett suggested a game of 'Truth or Dare'. The whole thing started innocently enough. Angela picked truth, which we all groaned at. It was a well-known fact that Angela was a goody good. Not that I thought it was a bad thing, it just made for a boring round of truth or dare. How wrong I was.

Rosalie took the easy way out and questioned her on the worst thing she had ever done. We all expected an answer like "I cheated on my first grade math test" or "Once I said I was too sick to go to school when really I wasn't." What she did say had us all gaping in shock.

"I flirted with Mr. Banner so that he wouldn't fail me in Biology," she blurted out after a lot of blushing and mumbling.

"You what!" Emmett and Alice both cried out together.

"You flirted with a teacher!" Rose spluttered in disbelief.

"Wait, you were failing Biology?" I gasped, astonished.

She hung her head and buried her face in her hands, nodding softly against them.

"Well, I'll be damned," Emmett chuckled deeply. "I didn't know you had it in you." He slapped a hand on her back and grinned proudly.

The game continued more enthusiastically after that, except for Angela, who hastily retreated to bed. Emmett dared Alice to streak, which she profusely refused. After a few minutes of taunting and coaxing, Emmett gave up and passed the dare onto me. I said nothing but merely stared at him with the most un-amused glare on my face, which sent Jasper and Edward into hysterics.

"Fine, I give up," he complained. "Someone do me."

Big mistake.

Somehow a truth question turned into an in-depth narrative into Emmett and Rosalie's sex life, which had Rosalie going beet red and the rest of us covering our ears in an attempt to stop the mental images from being scarred into our brains.

Once Emmett had finally stopped laughing hysterically, only Jasper remained at the fire as Alice, Edward, Rosalie and I retreated to the sanctuary of the awning.

I stopped briefly on my way to use the toilet, and when I returned, I noticed that everyone had returned to the original sleeping spots from the night before. I grinned widely in the darkness and slipped into my sleeping bag beside Edward.

Just like the night before, I traced the lines of his face with my eyes in the darkness, and when I felt my eyelids begin to succumb to their weight, I smiled lazily and committed the peaceful look upon his perfect features to memory.

I was almost asleep when I heard a gentle whisper come from beside me.

"Goodnight, Bella." His voice was barely audible, but there was no mistaking what I had heard.

"Goodnight, Edward," I whispered back. One minute after that I was fast asleep with an elated smile upon my face, lost in a dreamland of pale-faced angels. I slept pretty soundly and pretty heavily that night.


	5. Chapter 4  Scars Of The Past

**A/N - Hard weekend, sorry for no updates but here we go again. Please review, really I'm quite sad that no-one bothered.**

_CHAPTER FOUR_

_Seeing the unheard you know_

_that it cannot heal_

_Breaking the bonds you swear_

_that you swear to feel_

_Can you awake from sleep downed_

_you allow me to steal_

_Gagging on selfish hide_

_when you crawl to kneel_

_And it's humbling_

_This pain you feel inside_

_And it's stuttering_

_These words that I must try_

_And I'm choking on love_

_I made you feel_

_(Choke – A Perfect Circle)_

We didn't do a lot the next day. It was cooler than the first two days so no one got up until ten or eleven o'clock. The first thing we found was a biscuit bag we'd overlooked when packing away the food the night before. It was empty. Thanks to some grateful animal that was now a lot fatter.

Our breakfast merged into lunch and continued into the afternoon. Basically we just lay around and ate in one long pigout. Emmett and Rosalie got into a passionate little session on Emmett's sleeping bag later on in the afternoon so everyone was keen to leave the vicinity. I wandered down towards the creek in search of a refreshing foot bath but instead found Edward laying back on one of the large flat boulders that sat beside the busy creek. I took a few seconds to appreciate his beauty as I approached him apprehensively. He was rested on his back with one arm under his head and the other holding a copy of _City of Bones_ out in front of him. His face was peaceful, his eyes gazing lazily up at the book while the wind danced in his messy hair, blowing it around his face. His tight black t-shirt hugged snugly to what was a lean but very sculpted chest. He looked up from his page as he heard me approach and gave me a warm inviting grin.

I smiled back wholeheartedly, unable to control my reflex reaction. He watched me silently as I walked over close to him and sat down on the soft grass of the creek bank.

"Good book?" I asked nonchalantly as I slipped my feet into the clear but icy creek water.

He shrugged his smile still in place. "Yeah, the guys an asshole but he still pulls the ladies," he said with a laugh and a sly grin as he placed the book face down beside him and sat up to face me.

"I should have thought to bring some good reading material. It sort of slipped my mind in all the organising." I picked casually at the grass beside my thigh as I spoke.

"I brought a couple, if you wanted to borrow one," he offered, crossing his legs in front of him.

"I would take you up on that but I'm guessing they're in your pack, and I'm kind of avoiding that area at the moment," I grimaced slightly at the grass before lifting my gaze back to Edward who was looking at me puzzled.

"Why?"

"Emmett and Rosalie are… currently occupied under the awning," I explained.

His eyes grew wide with understanding and then he laughed. It was the most brilliant laugh I had ever heard and I was temporarily awestruck once again.

"They share a rather physical relationship don't they?" He said, still laughing.

"You can say that again. We should have brought a crowbar."

He laughed again, his face breaking into a devastating smile. "You don't think that we should probably kick them out and into a more private tent for the rest of the trip."

"Normally I would agree, but I don't think Mr and Mrs Hale would appreciate it if we brought Rosalie back pregnant. Emmett does have a knack for getting himself into trouble," I shook my head, frowning.

"Ha, maybe not," he agreed.

We sat in silence for another few minutes, watching leaves fall from the nearby tree and being swept away as they reached the water's surface.

"What…" Edward began. I turned to see him looking cautiously at the rippling water, his brows furrowed somewhat as he ran his hand through his hair. "What about Alice and Jasper? Their relationship seems… different," he finished awkwardly.

I wasn't quite sure what he was getting at but I answered anyway.

"Yeah, Alice and Jasper are different," I agreed. "They're very close, but their relationship is less physical and more…affectionate." It was true. While Emmett and Rosalie showed their love in more physical ways, Alice and Jasper were always more subtle, choosing to show their emotions with adoring glances, tender touches or confirming whispers. Jasper really was better to her than I gave him credit for. "Why do you ask?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I'm just looking out for my little sister."

I was a little taken aback by his comment. I guess I didn't comprehend how close Alice and Edward actually were. I realised that they were brother and sister, but in the long run they hadn't really spent that much time together. I shouldn't have put it past them though. I should have appreciated that Edward could care for someone as lovable as Alice so quickly. The entire Cullen clan was an extremely warm and caring family. Esme had always had the ability to love so unconditionally. That sort of attitude could easily rub off on anyone. And as Edward talked I could hear real emotion in his voice. My heart swelled a little at his tenderness.

"Alice is definitely in good hands," I assured him.

He smile at me timidly in thanks then his gaze fell back to the book that lay in his hands. His fingers played unconsciously with the pages as his thumb skimmed over the embossed letters on the cover. We sat for a while in silence as I watched a light breeze push through the towering trees that surrounded up. Every now and then the gusts would be strong enough to knock loose a small leaf and it would separate swiftly from the tree a flutter to meet the waters rushing surface that would whisk it away downstream. Eventually I heard the light slapping of paper against stone as Edward dropped the book lightly down onto the rock he still sat upon.

"I don't know about you, but all this sitting around and eating has made me feel fucking lazy," he said, yawning and stretching his arms above his head. The motion caused his t-shirt to ride up his body, exposing a small amount of flesh that stretched over his abdomen. I couldn't help the unconscious smile that spread across my face as I stared transfixed at the almost taut and rippling skin of his stomach. All too soon his t-shirt fell and I ripped my eyes away, staring intently back at the surface of the water. I only hoped that the heat of the day masked the brilliant blush that I could feel boiling in the skin of my cheeks. "How do you feel about a walk?"

"A...walk?" I murmured, still distracted by the perfect expanse of his abdomen that seemed now ingrained in my memory.

"Yeah, you know that thing that happens when you move your legs like this," he said, making a walking motion with his fingers, "and your body follows."

"Smart ass," I grumbled. "Yeah, I'd be keen for a walk."

I lifted my feet from the icy water, noticing that my skin had gone rather pale from the cold temperature, then stood with him. He was gazing around himself, taking in our surroundings in one great big sweeping motion, his hand pressed to the back of his head in uncertainty. "Which way do you think we should go?" he asked me, unsure.

It was a good question. Other than our rather large campsite, Hell was a snugly compact mess of dense bush and tight scrub that would made the idea of a casual stroll into a full on bush bash.

"Well, we've only seen half of the trail. How about we find out where that leads?" I suggested.

Edward's disheartened face lit up and he nodded in agreement. "Maybe if we make it closer to the Landrover we could grab some more supplies?"

I laughed, knowing exactly what I would be heading for. I would have died for a bite of the crisp celery we had packed away in a chilli bin at the very back of the Landie. I never thought I would say it, but there's only so much chocolate and biscuits that one person can handle - and I had more than had my fill.

We left immediately. I didn't want to make the suggestion of inviting the others along. I selfishly wanted Edward all to myself, and since he didn't make the suggestion either I felt no need to feel impolite. The beginning of the trail was level and quite wide. Edward and I walked side by side taking in the surroundings, and though we had already travelled this part of the trail, our excitement and haste hadn't allowed us time to indulge in the beautiful old trees that lined our path and shaded us from the sun's harsh rays. Even the ground engrossed me. It was covered in layers upon layers of dense leaf litter. Tiny strips of different foliage in more shades of green and brown than I could name. It didn't take long before we reached the bridge again, our original entry point. The path had grown steeper by this point, but not uncomfortably so.

I found it strange how something so obviously man-made stood out so contrastingly against the natural elements, even despite the materials that had been used and the way in which it was built. We crossed over the bridge and set off at a slightly quicker pace, the sense of adventure overtaking me again.

"Hey, slow down, Bella. It's not a race you know," Edward laughed from behind me as I noticed that he had started to drop behind a little. "We've got all day, there's no need to rush." The radiant smile that accompanied his remark had me grinning from ear to ear and blushing madly.

I whispered a muffled apology and slowed my pace so that he could catch up. He laughed, brilliant and musical, the sound sending tingles through my stomach.

"I'm not in any hurry to get back is all," he explained, the side of his perfect lips pulling up into a cheeky smile that made the tingles fly back, full force. "Let's just enjoy this while we can."

"Sorry," I apologised again. "I guess I just got excited. To be honest, I'm just really happy to be here. I never actually thought this whole thing to be possible. I know I acted all confident before, but I guess the biggest part of me believed we would never get down here," I admitted.

"You never fooled one of us."

I turned my head to face him. "Really?" I asked in almost total disbelief. I thought I had been rather convincing actually.

He laughed again. "Not for a second. Like I said the other day, you're a terrible liar."

"Then why did you all agree to come with me?" I asked a little indignantly.

He shrugged. "I don't know about the others, but I couldn't be a buzz kill to your enthusiasm. The flash of eagerness you got in your eyes when we said we'd give it a go. You were so determined, that goes a long way when it comes to persuasion. I think I would have jumped off the damn cliff that day if you had told me I could do it. Come to think of it, we sort of did." His voice was light and joking but the way his eyes latched onto mine as he spoke made it impossible for me to look away. They flowed with an odd emotion, something I couldn't quite put my finger on. Admiration? I scoffed internally, before dropping my eyes from his. I was reading far too much into this, how pathetic.

"I was terrified this whole thing would be a failure and it would come back on me. I knew everyone would quite rightly blame me if this whole thing sucked."

"No-one would blame you, Bella," he said simply.

I rolled my eyes then punched him lightly in the arm, secretly surprised at how firm his biceps were. "And you say _I'm _a terrible liar!" I accused.

We both laughed this time. "Well, it all worked out in the end."

I agreed. "Better than expected."

We walked a little further in silence. The trail was gaining height quickly now and the path was becoming thinner. Some parts were quite overgrown and we had to duck under large branches that jutted out from the surrounding shrubbery.

I knew the time for easy conversation was running out as the climb became more energy consuming and Edward was forced to drop further and further behind me due to the lack of space. For some reason the spectacular surroundings just didn't seem complete without the sound of his musical voice.

"So what made you decide to leave Seattle and come here permanently?" I asked him in what I hoped was a casual tone. He was walking almost directly behind me now so I couldn't see his face, but the silence that followed unsettled me a little. I was about to apologise for crossing a line when he answered suddenly.

"It was just time." His voice was distant, but not angry. Still, I felt it would be rude to press the issue any further so I continued on in silence. After a few minutes the sound of his soft voice behind me surprised me yet again. "At some point I had to stop dwelling on things that I couldn't change."

"I'm sorry, Edward," I squeaked out softly, staring down at my feet as they pushed their way through the dirt of the trail.

"Don't be. It's in the past, right? It's time for me to move on." His voice was stronger now, different - his tone a little harsher.

I had turned before I even had the conscious thought to do it, my feet coming to a halt immediately. His head was faced towards the ground, he hadn't seen me stop. I reached my hands out and placed them lightly on his shoulders before he walked into me. In his surprise his head raised to look at me. This part of the trail was quite steep and my position was more elevated than his so I was able to look him almost directly in the eyes despite his height, I felt my chest clench as I took in his expression. His jaw was tightly clenched, his hands slightly quivering, but it was his eyes that broke my heart. The exquisite emerald green eyes that I had grown to adore were a storm of emotion. The evident pain within them made me gasp a little in shock as they reached mine.

I only caught a glimpse of this fragile Edward before he quickly rearranged his features into a blank mask and closed himself off, but nothing could hide the agony still burning deep in his eyes as he looked back at me.

"Edward..."

He held up a hand to me. "Don't. Really, I'm fine," he said in an eerily even tone that just seemed wrong.

I knew I should have felt timid about what I was about to do, maybe even a little apprehensive. But I just couldn't find it in me to feel that way. I wanted to console him, take away the anguish and darkness that was clouding the light in his eyes, despite the fact that he was obviously trying to hide it from me. So I pushed myself forward onto my toes and wrapped my arms around his chest, resting my chin on his shoulder in a gentle hug.

He was stiff, and I quickly began to regret my actions as his body remained rigid. I couldn't even feel him breathing as I gripped pathetically to him. I was about to give up and pull back when I felt his shoulders begin to fall, the tenseness in his back fade. I smiled a little to myself at the fact that he was letting me hold him, then came something I didn't expect. His hands moved slowly from his sides, moving hesitantly forward and finally wrapping around my waist. I squeezed him a little in support, or encouragement, or thanks – I wasn't sure which, as he bent his head and laid it down on my shoulder, leaning his face into my shirt.

We just held each other like that for a long while. I would have held him all day if it would help take away his pain. Not that I wanted to let him go. I was perfectly content, standing here in the warmth of the sun, in an unexplored and slightly magical place, with the most stunning man I had ever laid my eyes upon holding me in his arms. Though, I knew that the hug was probably a lot different for him than it was for me.

Eventually I heard him sigh against my shoulder. He raised his head very slowly from my shoulder and I, unwillingly, pulled back to look at him. His eyes were soft again, the sadness only a ghost amongst their depths.

We stood with our bodies quite far apart but our hands still holding loosely onto the other. I watched as Edward opened his mouth once, like he was about to say something but decided against it. His eyes flickered between mine quickly before dropping down as he seemed to gaze blankly at the hollow of my throat. "I guess I felt that if I left Seattle for good, I would be leaving behind my whole life. Leaving behind the only connection I had to _them_." His voice was barely audible and still strangely flat as he spoke, his words being something I had never expected. I knew exactly the '_them' _he was referring to - his parents. It had been the whole reason I had refrained from asking the question in the past, I felt guilty for asking him now. Yet I couldn't just ignore what he had just told me. He never, ever talked about his parents. Not even to Alice. I suppose if I was in his position, I probably wouldn't want to either.

"Edward...I..." I began, but he cut me off quickly.

"I don't need to hear you say that you're sorry, Bella," he said shaking his head softly, his eyes making contact with mine once again. "But, thank you."

I dropped my arms from around him and stepped back half a step, trying to hide the redness of my cheeks with my hair. "That's okay," I shrugged.

He chuckled awkwardly and then sighed. "Well we've wasted a bit of time now, do you think we should carry on or start heading back to the others?"

I looked behind me at the trail. I could see the horizon through the tops of the trees and it didn't look like we had too much further to go before we got to the top, but then again the sun was getting quite low and I wasn't sure who was meant to be making dinner tonight.

"Uhh... I don't know. What do you think?" I asked, turning back towards him.

"We've made it this far, might as well go all the way to the top right?" He smiled his crooked grin and I found myself completely unable to answer. Instead I turned on my heel, effectively tearing my eyes from his, and started back up the trail.

It didn't take us long to get to the top, and surprisingly the trail came out right on Tailor's. The end hundred metres was a bit of a struggle, and the trail was more overgrown here than anywhere else but when we finally stumbled to the top we realised why we hadn't been able to see the trail the first time around. From Tailor's, the clearing of the path was very deceptive, looking more like an old goat track than a viable way down the steep banks. The very entrance to the trail was also concealed in the trunk of an old willow that we had to shimmy around and then climb a few branches of before being able to step off onto Tailor's Stitch. Whatever the Hermit might have been, careless he was not. The path was so cleverly concealed that I felt no frustration at having missed it the first time.

From the top of the trail it was only a two minute walk along Tailor's back to the Landie. By this time my mouth was as dry as a desert since our departure had been quick and we hadn't thought to bring water, so the five litre plastic jerry cans in the back of the Landie was our first destination. The water had gone warm in the heat of the day but it did the trick nonetheless. After draining quite a large amount out of one of the containers I excused myself to find a bathroom amongst the trees.

When I returned I found Edward sitting on the tailgate of the Landie facing out over the landscape of Forks. The sun was just dropping below the horizon causing everything to take on long shadows and a golden glow.

"Living here all your life, you don't really get to appreciate the beauty of this place," I said as I flopped down beside him on the tailgate.

"Hmmm," he agreed. "It is beautiful."

"You can see your house from here," I pointed out, stretching my arm out in front of me to point at the shinning metal roof in the distance. It took Edward a little while to find what I was pointing at and I resisted the urge to roll my eyes and tell him to look for the biggest house in the whole district.

"So, that one must be yours then?"

"Yeah. They look so close from here. You can even see the tractor in the paddock."

He leaned forward and squinted his eyes. "How do you know that tiny little speck is a tractor?" He questioned me.

"Charlie's cutting hay in that paddock," I shrugged. "And over there, two paddocks over. Those are the bulls he would have taken to the show yesterday."

I stared at the paddock in the distance with confusion. The herd seemed to be a lot smaller than it had been before I left. Either Charlie had had a very good day at the sales, which was fairly likely considering the quality of our breeding line, or he had snagged a few good buys at auction and already shifted them to a fresher paddock for fattening.

Edward chuckled and shook his head. "They look more like grains of sand rather than pounds of steak."

"That's the paddock were I got my first set of stitches," I told him, pointing to the rather large pink scar that ran about an inch and a half up the side of my arm by my elbow. "I got charged by this one really aggressive bull. He was Charlie's pride and joy, worth a mint to. He didn't hit me too hard, but it was hard enough to throw me into the barbed wire fence."

I watched as Edward's eyes grew wide in surprise. His hand reached out and grabbed my elbow softly, his thumb moving up and down the rough scar lightly. I couldn't help the tingle that ran up my arm at his touch. Like his gentle fingers were running an electric pulse through my body.

"You," he lifted his gaze from my scar to my face, "are so hardcore."

It seemed ridiculous to me considering Edward had survived a bullet wound, but considering the conversation we had just had down the track I figured it would be a stupid thing to bring up. I laughed and shook my head, shrugging off the compliment that made my heart pound hard in my chest. "I was stupid and careless. I knew better, but it was pouring with rain and I wanted to get back home. I wasn't paying enough attention to him. It's the kind of thing I learnt not to do when I was a kid."

He shook his head, amused at something and his hand fell from my arm. The immediate second his skin left mine my body seemed to ache for his touch, so I decided to show him another.

"This," I said, pulling down the neck of my t-shirt over my shoulder to expose the back of my shoulder blade, "was not my fault…"

I had my back turned to him so my breath hitched when I felt his warm fingers graze over the rough patch of scar tissue. He caressed it just as lightly as he had done with my elbow, and my eyes involuntarily fluttered shut.

"What happened?" he probed when I failed to continue with my story.

"The first time Emmett discovered fireworks."

He laughed another brilliantly musical laugh and I felt myself smile in response. "I should have guessed." His fingers lingered on my skin for a fraction of a second more before he pulled them away again. I sadly let my shirt slide back over my shoulder and turned back to my original position, I looked over to see Edward rolling up the right leg of his jeans. "This, was the first proper scar I ever got" he said pointing to a thin white line that crossed the majority of his knee cap.

"How'd you do it?" I let my hand cross the small distance between us. If it was okay for him it was okay for me right? My index finger ran over the thin line twice before I heard him sigh and looked up to see him shaking his head.

"I um… I fell off a swing… landed on a rock." I couldn't help the snort of laughter that escaped my lips. He crossed his arms across his chest in indignation. "I was eight and they had to give me five stitches. All the kids at school thought that I was pretty cool for a while after that."

I tried to suppress my laughter and failed, so instead I leaned my forehead on his shoulder to hide my face while attempting to control my giggles. I felt his body move a little as he laughed subtly as well.

"If you don't stop laughing you're going to miss the sunset," he said after a few minutes. My laughter was almost completely under control now but instead of lifting my head, I merely turned to face the horizon again so that my cheek was rested upon his shoulder – my hand still rested on his knee.

I waited for some kind of protest or his body to move away uncomfortably, but he seemed perfectly relaxed. After a few seconds I felt his shoulder stiffen and started to pull my head away, but he simply lifted his arm and snaked it around my waist, pulling my tighter against his side.

I sighed silently in contentment as we watched the sun fall below the horizon and the sky turn to twilight.

When the sun had fallen completely out of sight I reluctantly pulled my head away and turned to face Edward again.

I hadn't realised until our eyes connected that our hands had become clasped together softly, his warm palm on mine. I don't know who took whose hand first but it didn't matter. My eyes drifted slowly from our hands up to his face and back down again. The strange texture of his palm making me reach for his hand with both of mine.

I watched him stiffen infinitesimally, his eyes down casting as I slowly turned his palm over in his lap revealing a deep and jagged red line of scar tissue that ran directly across the centre of his palm.

"Hey, that's pretty impressive. What happened?" I asked as I slowly ran my index finger down the centre of his palm. He flinched away. It was a small movement and he didn't pull his hand away entirely so he would have let me touch him, but it was obvious he wasn't comfortable with it.

"One day," he said, closing his fist as I withdrew my hand, "I'll tell you about it."

**A/N - Tell me how crap you thought this chapter was! Do it! I dare ya!**


	6. Chapter 5 Pinholes Into Heaven

**A/N - ****Isabel this is for you. I'm sorry!****  
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_CHAPTER FIVE_

_Little angel go away_

_Come again some other day_

_The devil has my ear today_

_I'll never hear a word you say_

_He promised I would find a little solace_

_And some piece of mind_

_Whatever just as long as I don't feel so_

_Desperate and ravenous_

_I'm so weak and powerless_

_Desperate and ravenous_

_I'm so weak and powerless over you_

_(Weak and Powerless – A Perfect Circle)_

The others had already eaten by the time we arrived back at camp, but that didn't stop Alice from literally jumping me when she found out I had brought back a few of the more healthier items from Tailor's. Even Emmett asked if he could have an apple.

A lot like the night before, we all sat around and talked for hours. Eventually Emmett stood up and stretched, yawning loudly and announcing that he was heading off to bed. Rosalie got up immediately as she conveniently decided that she was tired too. I watched them as they walked hand in hand off to the opposite side of the clearing to where we had strung up the awning.

"Where are they going?" I questioned Alice sceptically.

She looked up from the fire, scrunching her face up in disgust. "Earlier, when you and Edward where off exploring, they pitched one of the tents over on the far side of the clearing."

I looked up to see Edward looking at me with one eyebrow raised and a very amused look on his face.

"Oh shit," I mouthed. He nodded in agreement.

Jasper was the next to go, then Angela. Edward, Alice and I sat up for another few hours, reminiscing about the past and planning for the future. Mine and Alice's plan had always been to travel the world until our parents were old enough for us to be able to kick them off the farm and take over. We decided that night that Edward was coming to live with us so that we could train him as a farm hand. We were in the middle of describing to him all the dirty jobs we were going to make him do like shovelling manure and picking up dead lambs when his head suddenly snapped upwards.

"Shhhh...Can you hear that?" He said gazing at the sky.

Both me and Alice went silent and strained our ears but all I could hear was the light wind in the trees and a possum scavenging in the woods behind the tents.

"It's just a possum, Edward, they don't bite." I told him.

He looked at me and just rolled his eyes. "I know that. It's been there for almost an hour. It's not that. It sounds like planes." He stared up to the sky again.

I concentrated as hard as I could but could hear nothing. After a while I thought maybe Edward was going a little mad, but just when I was about to give up I heard something. Like a low droning, almost a low pitch buzz, so faint I thought at first it was just wishful thinking and that my mind was just making it up. I looked at Alice. She had obviously heard it to, and her head was tilted back scanning the starry sky for the cause of the noise.

"Must be coming back from the show, probably some Army display or something that they're sending back to base," she said sounding uninterested.

The noise steadily grew and grew until it seemed to shake the ground below us and vibrate off all the walls around the basin. It's funny how artificial noises stand out so distinctly against natural ones, just like the bridge had against the foliage. I lifted my head to gaze up at the clear black sky. Out here, with no light pollution, the stars seemed to shine with extraordinary force. The heavens were literally laden with them. Some large and clear connected by others that were small and dim, some flickering, others hazy, they sprinkled their way across the pitch black sky like a carpet. One sight I can _never_ get tired of seeing is the stars in the mountains, never.

The mechanical noise grew and grew until it became a loud roar and the stars were suddenly blotted out as a mass of dark planes streaked across the top of the mountain range like black shadows. They flew like angry bats in the night, low and loud and frightening. They flew in a V-shaped formation; each positioned perfectly behind the wing of their leader as they screamed across the blackened sky so fast that even after they were out of sight their sound lingered on full force.

Then, came the smell - the poison of jet fuel that stung at your nostrils and sat heavily in the air. It masked every other sweet scent that this place had to offer. We had thought that we were the first humans to explore the basin, but humans had invaded everything, everywhere. Even Hell was not immune.

We all sat silently for a few moments as the noise faded and eventually drifted away. I expected the others to stir from their tents and come investigate but it became obvious after a few moments that they either hadn't heard or didn't care.

We were all pretty silent after that. The planes had somehow managed to taint the whole atmosphere and suck the serenity out of the night. I couldn't work out why, but they made me feel uneasy. It was a particularly cold night that night, despite being the middle of summer, and a small breeze grazed against my skin causing an uncontrollable shiver to run through me. I tightened my arms around my torso subconsciously and shimmied closer to the fire, which just happened to bring me closer to Edward.

"Are you cold?" he asked me, I didn't even realise he had noticed my subtle shiver.

"A little," I admitted, staring at the dense orange glow of the burning embers.

Alice sat across the fire from me and I noticed her eyes shift not so subtly between Edward and me. I shot her a quick narrow eyed scowl, but she merely smirked at me and stood.

"Well I'm freezing, I'm going to go find Jasper. Goodnight, you two," she added in a sickly sweet voice that I recognised all too well. She was teasing me. Damn patronising pixie.

"Goodnight, Alice," we both mumbled, my tone was a lot harsher than Edward's.

The unnatural silence continued on after Alice left the fire. For some reason I felt uncomfortable in Edward's presence. No, not uncomfortable, but nervous, self-conscious even. I couldn't understand it. I never felt this way around any guy, ever. I guess I had always had more in common with the guys my age rather than girls. My knowledge on pasture growth and stock prices far outweighed that of fashion or celebrities. Sad, but true. Conversations with guys had always flowed easily, it was girls like Rosalie that I had a harder time talking to. I had never found myself in such a predicament, it was unnerving. What was wrong with me? I wasn't this person. I wanted to speak, to break the awkward silence but didn't out of fear that I would stammer pitifully over my words. Instead I poked uselessly at the embers with a stick while contemplating my patheticness.

"I don't think we should tell anyone else about this place," Edward remarked as he kicked a burning log back into the embers.

"Anyone? Why?" I kinda liked the idea that I had been the first one to discover Hell again. Like I had said to the other during my motivational speech the first day – the bragging rights were almost limitless.

"Can you imagine what would happen to this place when people find out about it?" Edward said, casting his arms out in a sweeping motion. "We've only been here three days and already we're starting to ruin it's natural beauty. This place is so untouched and..."

"Wild?" I finished for him.

He smiled. "Yeah, wild, and beautiful. It'd be ruined within months if people started coming down here all the time."

"Yeah, I suppose your right. So we just tell our parents that we tried but getting down here was undoable?"

"Exactly!" He said, a happy glint in his eye. "It'll be our little secret."

"I like the sound of that," I agreed. We shared a smile before I dropped my eyes away from his and back to the fire.

"What are you thinking about?" I heard Edward's voice ring out from beside me after a few minutes of silence. Did I detect a hint of nervousness there too? Of course not, only I was that absurd.

"Oh, just about how cold I would be if it wasn't for this fire."

It wasn't a complete lie. I could feel the soft burn of heat against the skin of my face and chest, a stark contrast to the icy sting of the cold night air against my back.

"Hmmm," he sighed, obviously unsatisfied.

I shifted, turning towards him to roast my back against the burning flames and wrapping my arms around my knees to hold on to whatever heat I could in my shirt.

"If you're that cold don't you think you should go to bed?" he questioned me as I jammed my fingers in between my knees.

I eyed the dark space between the fire and the awning. The darkness seemed to mock me as it promised only more bitterness.

"I hate climbing into a cold sleeping bag, they always take ages to heat up," I complained childishly.

He laughed softly before getting to his feet. "Come on, it's better to get it over a done with than freeze to death out here," he said, extending a hand to me.

My hand had already pulled itself free from its position between my knees, a natural reaction to his gesture and before I knew it I felt his warm fingers wrap securely around mine before he pulled me to my feet. Away from heat of the fire an involuntary shiver ran through me once more, my hand shaking in his. He dropped my hand but his arm simply wrapped around my shoulders as he ushered me towards bed.

I practically pounced on my sleeping bag the moment I got close enough. I knew it would offer me no comfort immediately but I couldn't ignore its promise of warmth. I kicked my boots off and crawled in as soon as humanly possible, my shivers becoming shakes as the icy material pressed against my skin. I heard - more than saw - as Edward crawled into his sleeping bag almost as quickly as I had. I was trying my best to stop my teeth from chattering when I heard him pull at the zip on his sleeping bag then something soft and light landed on top of me.

"What are you doing? You'll freeze!" I whispered harshly as to not wake the others, my breathe shook a little as a result of my violent tremors.

"Relax, Bella," he whispered back, "it's the spare bag we brought. I used it as a pillow last night remember?" I heard the shuffle of material then felt as something touched my right side. His body? My breath caught in my throat as he positioned himself closer to me before spreading the open bag over the both of us so that we had a double layer of blankets.

Perhaps it was the thickness of blankets over me, or a result of my hammering heart rate, but I began to feel warm spread throughout my limbs almost immediately and within a few minutes my shivers had ceased completely.

"Is that better?"

I gasped slightly at his almost silent whisper. His face was so close to mine that I could feel the heat of his breath brush across my neck, sending tingles down my spine.

"Mm hm," I managed to squeak out before my brain decided to kick back into gear, adding in a hasty, "thank you."

He laughed softly, his breath pushing out over my skin again. I shivered once more but for a very different reason this time.

Neither of us moved to distance ourselves from each other as we both drifted slowly off to unconsciousness. I didn't sleep so well that night. My sleep was constantly interrupted by wild dreams of dark, menacing shadows that lurked around me. Some part of my subconscious was aware that I was tossing and turning but my sleep was too heavy for me to wake from. When I did finally feel consciousness pulling at my mind it was a sharp contrast to what I had been accustomed to through the night. I could see the intense light of the day trying to fight its way through my tightly clenched eyelids. The pinkish glow was a welcome difference to the dark shadows that had plagued my sleep. I stretched my body a little, I was comfortable and warm. I felt the warmth all around me, heating my skin from all angles. The sun on my back, the material of the sleeping bag around my torso, and something warm and soft under my head and chest…

My eyes sprung open and were blinded by the midmorning sun that assaulted them. I rubbed my fist over them, being more cautious the next time I lifted my lids again.

I was lying on my front, my head rested upon a soft but muscular chest that rose and fell slowly. My arm draped across a flat stomach.

My head snapped up with such speed and force that it almost gave me whiplash. A surprised and embarrassed, "Oh," escaping my lips.

Edward was looking up at me. His stunning green eyes were wide and mimicked mine. His expression made me panic more as I pushed myself off him and back onto my butt, getting myself tangled in my sleeping bag in the process.

"I'm sorry," I babbled. "I must have rolled over in my sleep." My embarrassment made it impossible for me to look at him in the eyes, I kept them trained on my sleeping bag as I attempted to untangle my legs from the thick material.

His soft musical chuckle brought my gaze back up to his. His eyes were still wide and cautious but a generous smile was spread over his lips.

"Bella, it's okay," he laughed.

"Sorry," I mumbled again, mortification still radiating from my violently red cheeks. I took a split second to register that the others had were already up. Soft voices drifted across the clearing from the campfire and their beds remained empty.

Edward pushed himself forward, propping himself up onto his elbows.

"Honestly, it's fine," he reassured me. His voice was forceful with sincerity. His eyes had lost their weariness now and held only amusement. "I was kind of thankful for the body warmth anyway, it was fucking cold last night."

"We were like that all night?" The small amount of relief I felt at his casualness was washed away with a new wave of embarrassment.

He shrugged. "More or less. When you weren't rolling around and talking in your sleep."

I buried my face in my hands. Could this get any worse?

I groaned loudly into the palms of my hands and apologised again.

I heard him move and looked up to see him shifting to a sitting position. His hand reached out to pull my hands from my face.

"Why are you embarrassed?" He asked softly. "You didn't say anything to be self-conscious about, don't worry."

"What did I say?"

"Nothing really intelligible," he shrugged again. "Bad dreams?"

"Yeah, something like that."

He smiled a crooked but sympathetic grin at me. His concern was genuine and my stomach exploded with butterflies. My conscience however, rolled its eyes and laughed at my absurdity.

"Well we're awake now so how about we get you some breakfast?" It was more of a statement than a question as he got up and took my hand to pull me up with him.

Alice had the largest, goofiest grin smeared across her face when we approached the fire where the others were all seated.

"Morning you two!" Emmett boomed. "Sleep well, did you?"

I did not miss the mocking in his voice. Emmett was never one for subtlety. He erupted into a roar of laughter as I sent him a piercing stare.

The rest of the morning was filled with Emmett's very obvious teasing of mine and Edward's sleeping position that night, while Alice's smile never faded. I knew it was unfair of me but after a few hours I had to leave Edward to face the mockery alone. He seemed to be taking it a lot better than I was anyway. I excused myself and went towards the creek to wash off some of the dirt that had accumulated on my skin over the day. I had been washing myself regularly in the creek since we had arrived, but the cold temperature of the water and the rather unconcealed location of the creek made it difficult to clean myself the way I wanted to. I yearned for the steaming hot water of the shower back home. It's strange the things you miss that you would normally take for granted; a warm shower, your own bed, hot meals, cold ice cream, walls that weren't made from canvass, a real toilet - God how I miss using a real toilet.

Today was our final full day in Hell, tomorrow we would be packing up early and starting the trek back to the Landie. Normally at this stage of a camping trip I would be savouring every moment, knowing that it was drawing to an end. This time however I felt differently, anxious almost. It had only been four days since we had left, three days since the Show – yet somehow it made me feel uneasy. My agitation lasted for the rest of the day.

The others started up a game of soccer later on in the evening when the heat of the day had faded. Our numbers made the teams uneven so I opted to watch rather than play. The others knew something was up. Normally I would have been the first amped for physical exercise, but no-one said anything aloud. After about an hour the game slowly decreased from soccer to rugby. No-one really stood a chance against Emmett so slowly everyone started to give up. Rosalie was the first to leave the game, but she was never one to admit defeat so she excused herself to prepare dinner instead. Angela offered to help while Alice soldiered on. She was smaller and faster than the rest, besides Edward, so she could out manoeuvre the boys most of the time because none of them were really trying very hard to catch her. Alice looked incredibly breakable next to the other three. Eventually Edward left as well, leaving Alice and Jasper to team up against an excited Emmett. It was going to be carnage.

Edward and I sat in silence and watched as Emmett took Jasper down and scored the first try. I was watching Alice giving Jasper a rather amusing pep talk when I heard Edward clear his throat nervously beside me.

I turned to see his him faced in my direction. His expression matched his uneasy behaviour.

"Are you alright?" He finally asked me. "You've been really quiet all afternoon."

I gave him a lazy smile and nodded softly. "Yeah, I'm fine. It's just been a weird day."

His gaze shifted from mine briefly and down to his feet that were digging into the grass before returning to my eyes. "It wasn't because of what happened this morning was it? I'd hate if shit got weird between us because of something as stupid as that."

So _that_ was the reason for his nervousness. I almost laughed.

"No, no. Honestly, it's not that. And I'm sorry for being all weird about it. I just worried that I might have made you uncomfortable." I reassured him.

"Not at all." He smiled a crooked grin. I had to look away before I could breathe again. "So what's bothering you then?" he asked after I didn't respond.

"I'm not sure, to be honest. I just feel strange, kind of edgy. I guess I'm just anxious to get home, but I have no idea why."

"Is that what you were dreaming about last night?"

"I don't know. Maybe." I shrugged, still a little embarrassed that he had heard me sleep talking through my nightmare. "It makes no sense, I love this place. I still can't really believe that we actually made it down here. But I'll be glad when we get back to my place tomorrow."

"I don't ever want to leave this place," he admitted. The hint of sadness in his voice made me raise my gaze to look at him again, but he kept his eyes away from mine. "I haven't felt this comfortable in a long time."

"What do you mean?" I asked perplexed.

He sighed softly and paused almost like he was thinking things over before he spoke. "Don't get me wrong," he said to his feet again, "I love Carlisle, Esme and Alice – they've given me everything I could ever want and more. They try so hard, and I don't want to seem ungrateful because I feel completely opposite. I guess that it's just going to take me a little while to adjust."

This was the second time in two days that Edward had opened up to me this way, and just like the first time I felt totally inadequate. The pain in his voice was so raw it almost brought tears to my eyes. I hated to hear him in so much repressed grief. Something pulled in my chest and I wanted nothing more than to take that ache away from him. But I didn't know what to say, and I knew my silence would hurt him even further.

"I can't even begin to imagine what you must be going through," I finally admitted, my voice so small I wasn't sure if he would even be able to hear me.

He sighed again. It was a heavy sound, loaded with defeat and despair. I felt my body react to it. My heart surged and I wanted to just throw my arms around his neck and hold him for as long as he would let me.

"I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy," he whispered.

We were silent for another moment. I heard Rosalie give the call for dinner, but neither of us made any attempt to move.

"I'm sorry to burden you with this, Bella." He finally lifted his eyes to look at me, the torture I saw in them was so much stronger than his voice had let on. In that moment, I felt the tender tug at my heart I felt for Edward swell and I wanted to be the one he could be comfortable with to talk to about whatever he needed to. "It's unfair for me to put all of this onto you," he finished.

"Don't be ridiculous, Edward," I snapped with a little more force than I intended. I stopped and calmed my voice before continuing. "You're not burdening me with anything. I want you to be able to talk to me, about anything."

His gaze held onto mine with a huge amount of intensity but I refused to look away. I wanted him to know that I was sincere. I needed him to be able to trust me.

"Thank you, you don't know what that means to me." On the contrary, I don't think he realised what his trust meant to me.

"I…," I stopped, I had to word this just right, as not to offend. "It's not that I don't appreciate it, so please don't take this the wrong way. But, why me?" His eyebrow raised slightly in confusion or rejection, I wasn't sure which, so I quickly rephrased. "I just mean that I would have thought that you would have talked to someone else about this, your friends back in Seattle, or Alice - or even Carlisle. I just don't understand why you chose me."

"I can't really explain it. I just feel comfortable around you, Bella." He dropped his eyes again, but I never diverted mine. "I guess you're the only person that I have ever felt comfortable enough with to talk about this to."

"Only?"

He nodded.

"Oh."

It was such a weak response, but I was just so taken aback.

"I wasn't exactly the easiest person to be around after… well, you know. My friends, they tried but I guess there was only so much they could handle. I was good at driving people away. I felt for a long time that if I really cared about someone they would just get taken away from me like my parents. I couldn't handle loosing anyone else that I loved."

"That's why you tried to distance yourself from the Cullens?" I encouraged.

"Yeah, I guess subconsciously that was probably a factor. But mainly I just felt like I was replacing _them_." He turned back towards me then. "Nobody could ever replace them."

We didn't really talk much more that evening, just enjoyed each other's company in silence before we walked back and joined the others for dinner. But there was a definite shift in our friendship after that moment. It wasn't anything I could describe, just a feeling. Edward was such an enigma sometimes. I had heard stories about him back in Seattle and they hadn't been good. He had been ruthless and cruel. Yet when he came to Forks he was the complete opposite – quiet, withdrawn, and gentle. Then there was the Edward I saw as he broke out of his shell, the kind and confident Edward that was here with us in Hell, yet there was still a guardedness to him that kept everyone at arm's length. Most disturbing of all though was the anguished and broken Edward that seemed to linger under them all. It made me far happier than it should have that Edward allowed those walls to slip around me, even if it was only a little bit.

My anxiousness for getting home didn't subside through the evening which seemed to keep my mind off of Edward mostly. At around eight o'clock I had almost reached my breaking point and left the others to retreat to bed. I figured that the sooner I got to sleep the faster tomorrow would come. It didn't work however. The harder I tried to fall asleep the more awake and frustrated I became. It was a few hours before I was finally able to drift off to sleep but it was anything but restful. My nightmares started off much like the night before. Dark shadows lurking all around me, but this time there were others. I couldn't see their faces because they were turned away from me, but they were slowly consumed by the shadows. I tried as hard as I could to reach out to them, yelled at them to turn around and to stay but they still disappeared until I was alone again.

I awoke to someone calling my name. The shadows faded and started drifting away as I felt my unconsciousness lifting.

"Bella, it's just a dream," I heard a voice like velvet whisper to me. I wasn't sure if I was awake or still sleeping but Edward's soothing voice was comforting me nonetheless.

I tried to say his name, but even in my head it was nothing but a mumble.

"Shh, Bella," I heard him whisper. Something touched my hair with the lightest pressure. "Go back to sleep, I'm right here."

Warmth enclosed my entire body as I was lost into a more pleasant sleep free from the nightmares.


	7. Chapter 6 On The Horizon

**A/N - This is where things start to get interesting... happy reading :)**

_CHAPTER SIX _

_Mother, mother,_

_There's too many of you crying,_

_Brother, brother, brother,_

_There's far too many of you dying,_

_You know we've got to find a way,_

_To bring some loving here today_

_Father, father,_

_We don't need to escalate,_

_You see, war is not the answer,_

_For only love can conquer hate,_

_You know we've got to find a way,_

_To bring some loving here today_

_(What's going on – A perfect Circle)_

I was the first to wake in the morning. The sun was still hidden behind the high mountain walls but everything was cast in a bluish grey early morning haze. I was lying on my left side and in front of me Alice and Jasper were asleep in each other's arms. Alice was lying with her back to Jasper, his arm wrapped around her waist and lay flat against her stomach. Their fingers were intertwined just below her breasts, his face pressed into her neck.

I felt a twang of jealousy that forced the memory of the dream I had had that night to the forefront of my mind. I rolled silently in my sleeping bag before I came face to face with a sleeping angel. He was laying so close to me that our noses were almost touching when I turned over. His face was soft and peaceful, a hint of a smile played at the corner of his perfect full lips. A small amount of stubble had grown on his chin and jaw but it only enhanced his good looks rather than detracting from them.

As I lay there, watching as he breathed softly in and out of slightly parted lips I felt the strange swelling in my chest again. I knew I liked him as more than a friend, and I had always been attracted to him. Only now it was different, what I felt for him was more than a physical attraction. What was behind the face was so much more amazing than the exterior even if it was confusing sometimes. I knew that I felt for Edward Mason in a way that I had never felt about another person before. His mere presence made my breathing falter and my heart race.

Still, as strong as my feelings are for him, they would never be returned. Someone so amazingly perfect could never have any interest in a girl as plain as me. I was nothing special, and I never have been. Sure I hung out with guys almost as much as I did with Alice and the girls, but my relationship with them was merely platonic and nothing more. Not that I had ever wanted anything more with any one of them. A platonic relationship was all that Edward would ever require from me, which by now I knew was entirely hopeless given the way my feelings had developed. I would only be fooling myself if I tried to be friends with Edward. I'd be fooling and hurting myself, always wanting him, always fantasizing about him, always reading too much into a touch or a smile, always hoping, but never being the one to actually have him.

Sure we had had a few moments over the last few days, but Edward was hurting and I was a supportive shoulder to cry on. In time, his wounds would heal and I would be left behind to be replaced by a runway model or Greek goddess. Another Tanya, never a Bella.

I sighed dejectedly. All this would end today. In a few weeks we would be starting back at school, I could just picture Edward's first day now. Girls would flock from left, right and centre to him. I wouldn't stand a chance. Soon I would be forgotten.

Locks of his shiny bronze hair fell down over his forehead and closed lids. I lifted my hand slowly and ran my fingers through the strands, pushing them back from his stunning face. This would be the last time I would touch Edward Cullen. It would be better for me in the long run to distance myself now rather than suffer more heartbreak later. He wouldn't even know he was doing it. My hand lingered in his hair for a fraction longer while I whispered my silent goodbye before dragging myself up and away from his perfect sleeping form.

I made a quick breakfast for the others before I washed and packed away the cooking utensils while they slept for a little while longer. I had to busy myself by doing something. I'm not sure if it was the epiphany I had had with Edward this morning or my anxiety to get home but there was a strange twisting feeling in the pit of my stomach that refused to go away. I tried eating but had felt so nauseous after the first bite of cereal that I had wanted to throw up.

"What's for breakfast?" Emmett asked as he stumbled his way sleepily from his and Rosalie's tent and patted his stomach hungrily.

"Over there," I said shortly. Pointing to the bowls I had left out for the others.

"Woah, somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning," he grumbled defensively. "What's wrong? Edward not putting out or something?"

I turned on him with the most sinister look I could possibly manage narrowed in my eyes. "What the hell are you talking about!" I practically spat at him.

His eyes widened in shock, and I sure as hell took him off guard. Emmett joked around with me all the time. He quite frequently told me that I was the only girl he had ever met that could actually handle his sense of humour. The key was to not let him get to you, if you showed any sign of weakness he would pounce on it and you'd be done for. This was quite possibly the only bad reaction – or good, depending on which way you looked at it - he had ever gotten out of me, yet strangely he didn't continue like he would have done with anyone else. His eyebrows knitted together and he eyed me with caution.

"Whoa, chill out man, sorry," he said slowly, raising his hands in surrender. "I can see I hit a nerve. Just forget I said anything, okay."

His reaction would have been comical if I wasn't so irritable. I let him walk away without apologising for my short-temperedness. It didn't stop there however. After another hour Angela, Edward, Alice, Japer and Rosalie still hadn't gotten out of bed. It was still quite early but I decided that they had had more than enough sleep.

I stomped my way over to the awning, billy full of cold water in hand and warned them all, rather sternly, that if they weren't up in the next fifteen minutes then they should be expecting a very cold bath in their sleeping bags. Emmett moved his way over to his tent to wake up Rosalie before I had the chance to however.

Needless to say, everyone was up and fed within the next twelve minutes. Nobody dared comment on my grouchy behaviour but they all watched me fearfully for my next outburst.

It took a little over an hour to take down the awning and tent and pack away the rest of the gear. By ten o'clock we were packed and ready to go. The others got a little emotional when it was finally time to leave the clearing, but I bit my tongue and let them all say their goodbyes. It was only fair.

I took the lead on the hike back up the trail, partly because Edward and I had been the only ones that had actually travelled it all the way to the top. But mainly I just wanted to set the walking pace.

No one spoke to me as we journeyed along the twisting path. The others who hadn't seen this part of the trail before preferred to drop their pace and take in the scenery, and I had enough decency to let them take it all in and slow down a little, but not much. Alice took this opportunity to catch up with me. I could tell she was contemplating her words before she said them. So I decided to let her off the hook.

"I'm sorry that I'm being so irritable with everyone, Alice," I said after a few minutes of her walking quietly beside me.

"Is everything alright?" She asked. She was being careful, I could hear it in her voice. I hated making my best friend feel uncomfortable, I felt rotten.

I took a deep calming breath before answering her. "I don't know, Alice. I just feel strange, like something's not right."

"How do you mean?" Her voice was returning to normal now that she was sure I wasn't going to rip her head off.

"I can even put my finger on it. I just really want to get home. I've been feeling really uneasy about it for the last two days and I don't know why." I shrugged as we plodded along at the tedious pace up the trail.

"Hmm… I wish you would have said something to me about it earlier. We've never kept anything from each other before." The hurt in her voice was well disguised but I knew her too well not to recognise it. It was small things like this that made us such good friends.

"I really am sorry Alice," I pleaded with her. "I just didn't think it was that big of a deal and I didn't want to worry you. I'll be on my best behaviour from now on, I promise."

She seemed satisfied with my apology so we walked the rest of the way in a comfortable silence. She soaked up our surroundings while I tried my best to stifle the ever tightening knot in the pit of my stomach.

My worries were anything but eased as I climbed the few layers of branches to reach the top of the trail and the ridge of Tailor's Stitch however. In my haste I had forgotten the pack that rested upon my back as I scaled the limbs of the old willow. I was only halfway up when the strap of the pack caught on a protruding stick causing my weight to shift and my body to become overbalanced. The branch I had been holding was not intended to hold my full weight and with a clear crack the wood ripped apart and I felt my body topple backwards off of the trunk of the tree. I must have only been about three and a half metres from the ground but the height seemed like falling from a plane when you're falling backwards. The banks at the base of the willow were steep and rocky, and just as I was beginning to contemplate my escape plan I felt two strong arms wrap firmly around my waist.

Perhaps it was my surprise at being met with the softness of human limbs rather than the unforgiving solidity of the mountain side that I was expecting, but a distinct zing of electricity encircled my abdomen as my every nerve reacted to the unexpected contact.

I still hit the ground, but not with half of the momentum I would have. My pack cushioned the impact on my back but my shoulder still slammed into the ground hard and I felt my bones jar and the muscles strain with the collision of hard stone on frail flesh.

The pain and shock left me temporarily stunned as I lay upon the side of the mountain groaning. It was a voice of velvet that pulled me back hastily to reality.

"Shit Bella! Are you okay?"

_Angel's voices shouldn't sound so strained__,_I thought to myself, as I forced air into my lungs that had been exhausted with the impact. As my chest filled with relieving oxygen I felt the harness of sturdy arms tighten around my waist and turn my body from its side to my back.

Past the burning sunlight that bore down from above I was blinded by the profound green orbs that inspected me anxiously. As fast as I could force my body to react I pulled my eyes from his seductive gaze, raising my body up from the ground as my shoulder ached in protest.

"I'm fine," I grunted out, my uninjured arm reaching out reflexively to grip the muscles that throbbed in my shoulder. The heat of an embarrassing blush burned its way up my face and flooded my cheeks. Edward hesitantly drew his arms away from around my waist. The second our physical contact was lost I felt my body yearn for his hold again. The ghost of the electric current sparked dimly against my skin. I focused on the throbbing in my shoulder to distract myself from the effect of Edward on my body. I had made my decision and I would stick by it.

I heard a muffled laugh from behind that I just knew would be coming from Emmett which didn't help the blush situation one bit. Angela and Edward fussed over me for another few minutes until I convinced them, rather forcefully, that I didn't need their help - my irritability returning tenfold.

It was unfair to them, I knew that well enough, but my resolve left me with no other choice.

My ascent of the willow was a lot slower the second time. Alice lingered a few branches ahead of me while Edward positioned himself conveniently at the base of the trunk. My shoulder screamed in objection to every movement and I knew that some muscle damage had been done, perhaps I had even bruised the bone – but there was no way that I was letting on to the others about the discomfort it was causing me. However, the tenderness was completely forgotten the instant I stepped onto Tailor's. At first glance the landscape looked identical to the way we had left it, had it not been for the rising clouds of grey smoke darkening the horizon from five different locations around the district.

Being so close to summer the possibility of bushfires was feasible but relatively unusual for such a wet place like Forks, which also ruled out burning off as a possibility. The largest clouds were centred around the Port Angeles district as well, which only added to the oddness of the whole situation. Due to poor farming conditions Port Angeles was mostly residential area, so the likelihood of a bush fire was slim to none. None of the fires were anywhere near any of our places, but that didn't stop my stomach from twisting unbelievably tighter to the point where I thought I might actually throw up as I stared at the looming scars upon the horizon. Nobody really commented on the fires either, but we all watched them. Alice caught my eye at one point and we exchanged a worried glance but still no words were spoken. The silence that surrounded us as we stood on the ridge was eerie.

Normally we would have stopped and rested for lunch but I didn't think I could handle any more procrastination, let alone allowing food to pass my lips without wanting to vomit. Instead I scooped my pack up with my good arm and headed off towards the Landie without another word to the rest of the group.

The tense atmosphere didn't lessen as we quickly piled the gear and over the tailgate and into the back of the Landrover. I moved with determination towards the driver's seat until a huge bear like hand caught my arm.

"Bella, do you really think you should be driving with your shoulder like that?" Emmett questioned me, a very serious and unfamiliar tone laced his voice.

"I'm fine," I grumbled, shrugging his hand off and continuing on my path. To be honest I knew that my shoulder wasn't up to driving, especially with the rough terrain. Still, I wanted more than anything to get home as hastily as possible and if I was driving then I would be in control of our speed.

"Bullshit, you're not fine," he accused. His accusation was said in such a threatening tone that I had never heard Emmett use with me before. It was the sort of tone a school teacher would use against a misbehaving student. I had heard this tone been used many, many times against Emmett, but never in all the seventeen years I had known him had I heard him use it against someone else. My feet drew to a halt in shock. Emmett was just as worried as I was, the realisation sunk me even lower.

With the same pace and determination I bypassed the driver's door and swung myself into the passenger's seat, allowing Emmett to drive – and I was bloody glad I did.

The jerking and bouncing of our trip was painful enough without having a steering wheel to wrestle with. Emmett ploughed along the trail at such speed that had I not been so utterly scared stiff at what was awaiting us at home I probably would have feared for my life just getting there.

The trip back down from Tailor's seemed to take forever. I kept looking at the clock on the dashboard, thinking that there was no way that not even one minute had passed. I even tapped it at one stage to make sure that it was in fact working. Most of the ride passed in the most uncomfortable and anxious silence I have ever experienced. The atmosphere was so thick it was almost suffocating, and eventually it became too much for Angela.

"I don't know what you guys are thinking, but you're wrong!" she shrieked from the back seat, her voice bordering hysterical. No-one answered her or even showed any emotion, but I caught a glimpse of her in the rear vision mirror and saw silent tears drifting down her cheeks.

The instant my house came into view I felt my heart start to hammer painfully in my chest. My eyes scanned every inch of the yard and house for some sign of movement or life but found nothing. My hand gripped the door handle so tightly that my knuckles turned white as we barrelled up the driveway.

The dogs were gone. They didn't come running towards the car, or jump, or bark as we approached the house. Nothing moved - it was so wrong.

I was leaping from the door before Emmett had even drawn the Landrover to a halt. The dog run was closer than the house at that point so I headed in that direction first. If the kennels were empty then that would mean that wherever Charlie was, they would be with him. Except the kennels weren't empty, each held the cold dead body of its occupant. Their eyes were red and swollen, their snouts covered in the remains of dried white froth, their necks red and raw from straining against their chains. The moment I laid my eyes on them my legs started shaking uncontrollably. I didn't understand any of it but I studied the view for all of about three seconds before turning on my heel and sprinting as fast as my quivering legs would carry me towards the front door.

It was unlocked, which was not unusual. In a community this small people hardly ever locked their doors or cars, there was just no need. The house was just as it should be, which was the worst part of all. Everything was tidy, beds made, dishes cleaned and put away. Nothing was out of place. I ran from room to room calling Charlie and Renee's names at the top of my lungs, wishing with everything I had in me that they would pop their head out of a doorway and explain everything away.

I was turning the final corner in the hallway when I ran right into Jasper. He caught my arm before I fell and I felt the muscles strain and pull in the most excruciating way as an agonised cry escaped my mouth.

"Fuck, Bella, I'm sorry. Are you alright?" he asked, releasing my arm instantly and taking a step back.

"Are they here?" I panted out through clenched teeth, my uninjured hand flying up to grip my shoulder against the pain once again. I needed to find my parents, the pain could wait.

"There's no one that way," he told me. He said something else but I had already begun running back in the opposite direction towards the lounge room. I came to a halt again as I saw the others congregated in the kitchen. They all looked at me as I stared blankly back at them. I felt wobbly on my legs like at any moment they would give out on me and I would fall to my knees.

Alice was the first to speak, she pushed forward from behind Emmett, the cordless telephone in her hand.

"There's no dial tone," her voice was so small it was almost a whisper but there was no mistaking what she said.

"Try it again," Angela instructed sternly.

"I did, four times. It's dead."

Emmett swore loudly under his breath.

"Bella, it could be possible that a family member got sick or something and they've had to leave or something," Jasper said from behind me, his voice was too calm, too controlled.

"They would have left a note," I said, my eyes boring into Alice's and the phone in her hand knowing that the message pad sat right beside the phone stand.

She shook her head slowly, and only once, her eyes never leaving mine.

"Maybe they didn't have time to write a note," Jasper suggested.

"They would _make_ time," I said through my teeth again. "And why the _hell _would they let the dogs die!"

I had to make a big mental effort to get control of myself then, but still nobody had an answer for me. The silence was maddening. I neededsomeone to say something, _anything_. A soft clicking sound from my left attracted my attention and I turned my head to see Edward flicking the light switch with his long index finger.

"The power's out," he informed us quickly before striding over to the fridge and pulling open the door. The smell hit me instantly. "Looks like it has been for a while." His voice was flat, dead, and it felt like a kick right to my already sickening stomach.

I doubled over with the sheer intensity of it, all of the air escaping my lungs in a huge gasp. The 'whoosh, whoosh' of blood pumping in my ears became almost deafening and grew louder and louder in intensity. The quivering in my legs turned to violent tremors that vibrated my whole body. Finally, the ground started to spin before my eyes.

I knew what was happening. I had fainted a few times before, but never with an intensity like this. The blackness closed in on me so quickly that I didn't even have time to lower myself to the ground before I was completely taken over by unconsciousness.


	8. 7 Trembling At The Thought Of Feeling

**A/N - Again, this one is for Isabel. Only two more chapters until the reposting is done and we can start the new stuff :) **

_CHAPTER SEVEN Trembling at the thought of feeling_

_I fell again_

_Like a baby unable to stand on my own_

_Tail in hand_

_Dizzy and clearly unable to just let this go_

_High and surrendering to the gravity and the unknown_

_Catch me, heal me, lift me back up to the sun_

_I choose to live, I choose to live, I choose to live_

_Catch me, heal me, lift me back up to the sun_

_Help me survive the bottom._

_(Gravity – A Perfect Circle)_

The light that burned at my closed eyelids brought about the strangest feeling of déjà vu. It felt like waking, but my body was too tense, my heart racing too fast, the ache in my shoulder too severe. Slowly the noise around me became decipherable, voices; anxious, frightened voices.

Then everything came back to me and my eyes snapped open and air rushed into my lungs.

We were in the Landrover, we were driving - too fast. I was in the back seat, without turning my head I could see that Emmett was driving. I was half lying, half sitting – my feet dangled on the floor, my head rested on something soft, warm.

"She's awake," I heard Alice's strained voice call through the weariness. I looked around to see that she was sitting next to me, my legs rested upon her knees.

"Bella, how do you feel?" The tenderness of the velvet voice had my heart stuttering and pounding in an instant. I twisted in my seat, pushing my body up more to see his face but pain shot through my shoulder as I tried to put weight on it and I fell back against his chest.

"Bella don't move, it's okay. You hurt your shoulder, remember," he soothed me, and I didn't fight back. My body was too drowsy and weighed down to move. My eyes desperately wanted to close but I could at least fight against them.

"Where are we?" I asked, my voice was husky and raw. I tried to look out the window but from my low position all I could see was trees and shrubbery flying past in a blur of foliage.

"We're going to my house," Emmett grunted. I could see the strain from is voice amplified through his whole body, his knuckles were white against the black of the steering wheel the tension carried up his rigid arm, across his stiff shoulders and rested in his taught jaw.

I felt the familiar jolt as we passed over the cattle stop, jerking my shoulder painfully once more. I bit down hard on my lip to keep from crying out in pain. Within seconds the Landie was being pulled to an abrupt halt and I couldn't control the whimper that escaped my lips.

"Emmett!" Alice scolded, but he was already out of the driver's seat and away from the door. Rosalie was the next out, followed by Jasper and Angela.

"Go Alice, I can take Bella," Edward told her calmly.

She looked to me once then escaped out the door to follow the others.

"Bella?" Edward called softly. "Do you think you can move?"

I nodded, and Edward held most of my weight as I gently slipped out of the side door. My knees still shook fiercely as I stood outside in the tropical breeze. I lifted my foot to step forward but I was still too weak and I felt my balance fail. Edward caught me before I fell but couldn't stop my shoulder from knocking into his chest.

I winced and cringed as another bolt of pain shot up my arm.

"Sorry," he apologised, before tenderly winding his arm around my waist. With such a close proximity I was immediately bombarded with his delicious scent. Even after days in the woods Edward Mason still smelt amazing. I breathed him in hungrily as we slowly made our way to the front door before I heard my conscience screaming at me that I was getting myself too involved again. I sighed and turned away, filling my lungs with the dry summer breeze instead.

Edward sat me gently down at the kitchen table when we entered the house, before taking the seat beside me. Angela was already seated there watching Alice as she tried the phone again. We didn't need to ask to know that Emmett's phone was dead too. Jasper walked into the kitchen and checked the fridge. Again no power, and it looked like it had been out for the same time as ours.

Emmett and Rosalie appeared a few seconds later. The house was empty too.

"No power, and no telephone. Just like Bella's," Jasper filled him in quickly.

"The chickens are all dead too, and the cow hasn't been milked in days." Just like Edward's had been back at mine, Emmett's voice was dead and lifeless. His hand gripping onto Rosalie's who shook by his side.

"What are we going to do?" she asked to no one in particular, her voice shaking as much as her body.

I gazed around the room but nobody seemed to have any clue as to what was going on.

"This is like UFO stuff," Alice squeaked. "They can't have just all disappeared."

I swallowed hard on the bile that rose up into my throat. Edward gave me a concerned look that ridiculously made my heart leap, before he turned to Emmett.

"Do you have a radio? Something battery powered, maybe?" he asked calmly.

"Ah, yeah, there's an old one in the office I think." He quickly dropped Rosalie's hand and hurried off down the hall.

We all sat in silence waiting for Emmett to return. The calmness in Edward's voice was beginning to unnerve me, but then again it wasn't his house that we had found abandoned. After a few minutes and no return from Emmett, Rosalie followed him down the hallway to see what was keeping him.

When they both finally did return we could all tell immediately that something was up. All colour had drained from Emmett's face, and the beginning of what I thought might be tears were dampening his eyes. Rosalie was a mess. Her shaking had now increased to a dangerous level to the point where it looked as though she might be about to internally combust and tears streamed relentlessly down her face.

With barely steady hands Emmett walked over to the kitchen table and placed down a small battery powered radio and a single sheet of printer paper with a few lines of messy scrawl upon it.

Even after I read the page ten times I still couldn't believe my eyes.

_Emmett, if you get this I need you to get somewhere safe and fast. I'm in the office at the Showground and something is very, very wrong. There are men with guns everywhere and no-one really knows what's going on, but these people mean business. I saw them shoot a man, Emmett. If you get this fax then I want you to hide. Take all the weapons and supplies that you can and don't come out until you're sure it's safe. If I'm wrong about this then I'll be rushing home as soon as possible to rip this up and burn it, but I don't think I am._

_Try not to worry about your mother and I, we will be fine._

_I love you son – Dad._

I didn't cry, I was too shocked that I could barely function. I just stared blankly at the letters on the page like they might magically jump up and start dancing around. My mind was too full, too overwhelmed and I had a distinct feeling that I might faint again. It wasn't because I wasn't upset, it was quite the opposite, I was just feeling too much, too many emotions – and they were zapping all of my emotion energy. A new kind of fear I didn't realise even existed gripped my entire body. A type of all consuming terror that took over your every breath and every thought.

Maybe if Emmett's Dad was able to send this fax to him, it meant that that everyone at the Showground would be okay, even though the words of the fax seemed to state otherwise. What the hell did all this mean? Men with guns! This was just too much. Stuff like this just doesn't happen in Forks.

I looked around the table, looking for something, I wasn't sure what. Rosalie was still crying, her head leaned against Emmett's chest while his arm wrapped tightly around her shoulders. His head was bent down and I could almost swear I could see tears spilling over his cheeks. Emmett never cried, ever. Not when his parents punished him, not when he was almost expelled from Forks Primary, not even when he broke his leg falling off the horse when he was twelve. It was unnerving to see and I had to look away. Angela was almost as much of a mess as Rosalie was, her face was tear-stained too but her tears flowed silently as she rocked backwards and forwards a little in her seat. Alice had moved herself over to Jasper and they were both embracing each other so tightly that it looked like they might start losing circulation.

Even Edward's face was unnerving. Like me he didn't cry but stared straight ahead, his expression was blank and hollow but his eyes were raging with a thousand different emotions, most of which I couldn't even put a name to. His breathing was so shallow that had I not known better, I would have sworn he was only a statue of a man.

"At least we know where they are now," came Alice's small voice after what seemed like hours.

"Do you think they are all at the Showground? The whole town I mean." Angela asked through silent sobs.

"It would make sense," Jasper added. "Everyone in the same place at the same time, it would almost be too easy."

"Who are these people?" Rosalie whispered. I didn't even realise she was capable of speech. If you looked at her you certainly wouldn't think so.

"I dunno baby," Emmett cooed, running his fingers through her hair and rubbing her arms.

"We should check the radio," Alice offered.

Jasper snatched the radio up off the table so quick I barely saw his hand move. We all watched and listened with held breaths as he flicked the radio on and scanned through all of the channels. Nothing but static.

He hit the dial on the top and flicked it to AM before scanning slowly through the entire bandwidth again. The room remained filled with the loud crackle of unrelenting static.

Jasper scanned through a second time on both channels before finally giving up and switching it off.

"The radio's broken," Alice accused Emmett.

He never removed his eyes from Rosalie's but shook his head slowly. "The radio's not broken."

"How did you know?" Jasper questioned Edward, his calm voice barely wavering. He was trying to be strong. I saw Alice grip tighter to his torso and felt extremely jealous of her. Instinctively my arms wrapped around myself and I held myself tightly, attempting not to shake and failing.

Edward shook his head softly. His voice distant, "I didn't, it was just a guess."

There was something we were missing. Something obvious, it had been plaguing my mind from the second I first read 'men with guns'. I just couldn't put my finger on it.

When it did finally hit me I almost fell off my chair in disbelief.

"The planes!" I shouted, getting to my feet for a split second before a wave of vertigo hit me and I had to slump back into my chair. Every pair of eyes at the table was on me now, so I continued. "The planes we saw when we were down in Hell, they must have something to do with this!"

"What planes?" Angela asked suddenly and it took me a few moments to remember that the others had been asleep. Though I still couldn't believe they slept through all of that noise. In the morning it had completely slipped all of our minds to mention it to them.

"The day of the show," Edward told her as he still gazed blankly out of the window. "A few squadrons of what looked like fighter jets passed over Hell around midnight. There must have been about forty in total. At the time we thought they had just been attending some kind of Memorial Day celebration."

"Okay, let's recap," Jasper said, regaining his calm composure. "Let's assume that a lot of people went to the show and didn't come back. And let's assume that since Memorial Day all power and phones have been cut off, as well as the loss of all radio signal or coverage. Plus there have been a number of fires and more than the normal amount of air traffic flying around the district…"

"With no lights," I interrupted, realising the critical point for the first time.

Every pair of eyes jumped back to me again. It was like one of those things you notice but only subconsciously. It was obvious by the looks on Alice and Edward's faces that that they remembered as well. How such an obvious thing could be overlooked was beyond me however. It was now blindingly obvious that no legitimate aircraft on a legitimate mission would be travelling without lights. The sheer number and layout of the planes should have been enough to tip us off. Though I had to give my mind credit, it had been trying to warn me through my dreams.

Emmett swore loudly again and pounded his fist on the table making me jump.

"This is so fucked up! We need to figure out if this shit is for real or not."

"Wait just one second," said Angela, raising her voice for about the first time ever. "What exactly are we trying to say here? That we've been invaded or something!"

"It makes sense," Jasper said again.

"Makes sense how?" she shrieked. "There could be a million other explanations as to why this is going on!"

"Okay Angela, what do you suggest?" I was calm, in control… sort of.

"Well I don't know… maybe they've all gone off to help fight those fires," she said weakly.

"And Emmett's Dad's message?" Rosalie questioned curtly.

"Could have been an Army display or something and he just got the wrong idea. They do stuff like that all the time."

"Alright then, how do you explain the power, the phone and the radio all being cut off?" Rosalie was getting impatient now.

"Maybe the fire hit a mains line or something, and that's why everyone's gone to help."

"And all the radio towers in the district?" Rosalie snapped, Angela shrugged. "And what about the planes?"

"They were doing search and rescue or something," Angela responded in a tiny whisper.

"With no lights?" Rosalie was yelling now.

Angela opened her mouth to speak but closed it again quickly.

"Angela," a soft voice came from beside me. The smoothness and composure of his tone made my head whip around to stare at him. His face was still stiff and blank but his voice was soft and calming. Edward waited for Angela to take a deep breath and look up before continuing. "I know that all this can probably be explained away in a hundred different ways but I think what we should be looking at right now is the fact that one theory fits into all of this so perfectly it's almost ridiculous. How perfect would it be to invade somewhere on the one day when no one will be expecting it. The one day when everyone is gathered together in one spot. It would just be so easy." Angela sobbed loudly and sniffed before nodding weakly.

"They'd be like caged rats." I found myself adding in my lifeless tone. I was imagining the high wire fences that surrounded the Showground. They were designed to keep people out, people who hadn't paid for a ticket to a show or the few junior high kids who liked to go round and tag things like the grandstand. Now the fences were probably being used to keep people in. They would be trapped, like caged rats.

Edward gave me a weak smile of thanks, or support, I'm not sure which. Then he continued, "Look, if we are wrong about this - and I pray to God that we are - then we can have a good laugh about it later. But for now, I think it would be the best idea for us to assume the worst and hope for the best. Let ourselves consider that this is a possibility and for arguments sake let's say that it is true, and that we have been invaded. I think we may have landed ourselves in the middle of a war."

Angela broke down at this point. Her crying became hysterical and she began rocking again. No one really knew what to do, so we sat patiently, lost inside of our own heads until her hysterics faded and she became silent once more.

"What do you think we should do now?" Emmett asked. I raised my head to realise that he was talking to Edward.

After a few minutes of stunned silence Edward sighed. "I don't really have any damn clue but I guess we've got a couple of choices, but we'll have to decide as a group." Everyone seemed to agree with that so he continued as he ran his hand through his messy hair. "Well I suppose the first thing I would suggest would be to check out all of our houses. I know at the moment it looks like the likelihood of us finding anything looks slim, but I think we have to try, for peace of mind sake. I don't think any of us could live with ourselves if we didn't try." He gazed around the circle waiting for a response. A few nodded in agreement, others said nothing, but no one objected, so that was decided. "Okay, well I guess this would be what I would do, and I don't mind if anyone wants to do something completely different, but hear me out before you bite my head off… I think we should go to the showground."

At that point Rosalie whimpered, Jasper gave him a seriously disapproving look, while Emmett kind of stared at him like he had begun growing a second head.

"I know it's risky," Edward clarified, "but if we really want to know what the hell is going on, it's where we need to go. I think we should split into groups. One group could go to Rosalie and Jasper's house, plus maybe Angela's since its close. And perhaps the other group could go to mine and Alice's house, and then check out the Showground."

Everyone was silent for a long time in quiet contemplation.

"I'll go," I said, my voice sounded wrong, robotic almost - like it wasn't mine but someone else's entirely. My whole body had shut down and was running on autopilot. I'm not sure why I was so keen to go, perhaps I was so terrified that my mind just refused to see the danger, perhaps it was the thought that maybe, just maybe I might get a glimpse of Renee or Charlie. To see their faces right now would be the greatest thing in the world to me. At that moment the Showground was the only place in the whole world that I wanted to be.

Edward turned to face me then, and I looked back at him. I knew the others probably thought I was insane but perhaps they weren't looking at the bigger picture – or perhaps I was insane.

"Thank you for your support, Bella. But with your shoulder, perhaps you would be better to go with the other group," his tone was soft, almost pleading. Had I been a weaker person I probably would have given in. But I knew exactly where I had to be and no shoulder injury or green-eyed god was going to stop me.

"I said, I'll go," I was forceful, but not arrogant. I matched his stare with mine. I would not back down on this one and anyone who knew me well knew that I could be damned stubborn if I wanted to. Our standoff lasted only a few seconds but I could see the defeat in his eyes almost immediately. What I wasn't expecting was the tormented way he finally conceded. It was almost like it cost him a great personal sacrifice to let me go.

"If anything goes to shit you get yourself the hell out of there, Okay," he said very seriously, his eyes boring into mine intensely. I almost felt intimidated.

"Okay," I nodded in agreement. Damn, I would agree to almost anything if he asked me to.

"That goes for you too, Alice."

Jasper gripped her waist tighter as she nodded softly. I sensed that he would probably try and talk her out of going at some point, but when Alice set her mind to something there was no stopping her.

"Right, let's say for argument's sake that we agree to this, how's it going to go down?" Jasper questioned sceptically.

"Well I guess you, Rosalie and Angela take the route around the back of the cemetery, it'd be the safest and easiest way to your houses. You check them out and get the hell out of there. Then, I think we should do what Emmett's Dad suggested. Gather up supplies from around here and Bella's, maybe even our house too if we have time, then head back to Hell. At least we know we should be safe there for now. People have lived here for millions of years and as far as we know only a few people have ever been down there, besides the Hermit of course. I know I sure thought it was impossible when I first saw it. These people – whoever they are – are going to be far too busy to worry about an impenetrable hole in the middle of the mountains."

"I'm not so sold on the Showground idea, but I definitely think that heading back to Hell is a good start," Emmett started. "Though I do suggest I go with Jazz, Rose and Angela. Our groups are going to be uneven but the smallest group we can get close to the showground the better, we don't really know much about the place and I think stealth will be the key."

"I agree," Edward approved.

By the time we had our plan all set it was still about five o'clock in the evening. With it coming into summer darkness didn't usually roll in until around eight, and we decided that we needed the complete cover of darkness if we had any real shot of not getting ourselves captured, or worse.

Waiting for nightfall was torturous. I found myself incapable of sitting around and watching for the sun to set. I had to keep myself busy or I risked having the time to think. After I cleared out all of the rotten and stale food from Emmett's pantry and fridge I decided it would be a good idea to make everybody eat something. I myself despised the thought of food in my current frame of mind but I knew that it would be better for us in the long run. We had to think logically and we needed to be on peak form tonight; awake, alert and ready for absolutely anything.

Everyone except Emmett was as enthusiastic as I was about the thought of food. Unlike the rest of humanity, Emmett's stomach obviously wasn't connected to his brain. Instead it worked more like an incinerator, devouring everything in sight. The rest of us managed to force down a few cans of tinned fruit and cold spaghetti between us, while Emmett polished off half a loaf of slightly stale bread and made tuna sandwiches.

After the others were fed I busied myself by rummaging through the cupboards and gathering together all the non-perishable food items. If we did end up going back to Hell then food would be our main priority, after all – we didn't know how long we were going to have to stay there and we had to be prepared.

When I had piled everything in a tidy mound upon the bench top I looked around for another distraction.

Emmett was still shovelling food into his mouth beside a very pale looking Rosalie who merely picked at her bread. Alice and Jasper had walked away and were sitting in the window seat starring out over the hills and talking in anxious whispered voices. Angela was sat on the floor a little bit away from them. Her knees were pulled up to her chest and her hands were shaking.

I wanted to go to her; I wanted to give her the comfort she so desperately needed. But like the others I felt like I was barely holding in the flood of emotion that threatened to consume me. I was on the edge, we all were. Trembling at the thought of feeling. I felt that even the smallest thing could trigger me into full blown hysterics. To be perfectly honest I was surprised I hadn't suffered a mental breakdown already. Perhaps that's why I was walking around more like a zombie than a person, by disconnecting myself from my mind I was blocking out all the emotions and fears that threatened to consume me. Even looking at Angela's crumpled composure made the scale between sanity and hysterics tip, and not in my favour. I'm not proud that I turned and walked away, but I had to. I was weak.

My legs led me down the corridor and away from Angela, I don't know where I was headed or why but something caught my eye as I passed one of the spare rooms.

Edward. I hadn't even noticed him slip away from the table.

He was sitting on the edge of the bed, his head was down and buried in his hands, his elbows resting on his knees. My breath caught in surprise, alerting him to my presence. I noticed his back tense as he slowly lifted his face from his hands to meet my gaze.

"I'm sorry," I stammered uncomfortably. "I'll, um… I'll go."

I turned and made for a hasty retreat but I heard him call out my name softly. The sound of my name falling from his lips sent a flutter of butterflies free in my chest even if his voice was heavy and strained. My feet stopped moving and I found myself turning back to face him without having the conscious thought to do it.

I looked up to meet his deep green eyes that were far more tortured than his voice had let on. My chest was suddenly heavy.

"Can we talk?" he asked. His tone was a startling contrast to the confident and collected Edward I had heard earlier at the table. His voice was quiet, soft, gentle – tormented.

Again I found my body leading me across the room towards him, though admittedly rather apprehensively. I hesitated beside him for a moment then sat gently down on the mattress beside him.

I waited for him to speak, but he continued to gaze blankly at his hands.

"How are you holding up?" I asked when I couldn't take the silence anymore.

He closed his eyes and drew in a large, deep breath before replying. "I don't know, Bella." He shook his head slowly, his eyes still closed, his voice was drained. "I'd love to say that I'm fine and that I'm coping, but I just don't know how I feel right now. Everything is so surreal."

"I know what you mean. I guess I'm just trying not to think about it," I shifted uncomfortably, pulling nervously at the ends of my sleeves. "I suppose I'm still holding on to the small hope that we've got it all wrong."

"I don't think we do," he said softly.

"I don't either," I whispered, more to myself than to him. It was hard to confirm in my mind what I had been trying so desperately to avoid. Those three simple words made my entire body feel heavy and exhausted.

"It's amazing the things we take for granted," Edward stated after another highly charged and emotional silence. "I've seen things like this on the news almost every week for my entire life, you feel bad when you see war stricken countries and torn apart families, famines and poverty - but never in a million years did we imagine that it could happen to us..."

"Even imagination has its limits."

"We were so naïve."

He was right of course. I thought back to the week before we had left for Hell, even then there had been signs. News reports and political messages. None of which anyone had ever taken seriously and now we were paying the price for being so blissfully unaware.

"Are you alright?" Edward murmured after another moment. He looked at me again, but I couldn't meet his gaze. There it was, the thing I had been avoiding, my feelings. I wouldn't allow myself to consider the possibility that my parents or someone I loved had been injured or killed. The logical part of my mind knew that such things were logical outcomes for situations such as this – invasions, fighting and war. Only I refused to let my logical outlook focus on such things. So these thoughts were pushed away and locked up tight in a little box until I was ready to begin dealing with them.

"I… I really have no idea," I shrugged, then winced the movement igniting the ache in my shoulder. "I guess I'm not doing too bad considering, but I'm still waiting for everything to hit me." There's only so long that you can live in denial before reality comes and bites you in the ass.

In my peripheral vision I saw Edward's eyes drift from my face to my shoulder as I spoke, his brows pulled together in concern.

"We should do something about your shoulder," he stated very matter-of-factly.

"It's fine," I assured him.

"Bella, you're in pain."

My hand wrapped around my forearm instinctively. His concern was more comforting than I would like to admit, but I was more of the 'suffer in silence' type.

"Not much," I said casually.

He sighed and rolled his eyes at me. "I wish you wouldn't be so stubborn."

He swung his knee up onto the bed so that he could face me. His fingers lightly gripped my forearm and forceful sensations ran up my arm from the spot where his skin touched mine. I winced out of habit, but soon realised that the sensation was not painful but nice. A strong tingle, like a spark of electricity shot through every one of my nerve endings, bringing life to my temporarily comatose body.

"Sorry," Edward apologised, pulling his hand away quickly. I assumed he must have misinterpreted my reaction as pain but I saw him gently stroke his fingertips together. Surely he had felt that too?

"It didn't hurt," I told him, as I stared at my forearm in confusion. The electricity lingered softly on the surface of my skin.

"No?" His eyes shifted between my arm and his fingers once. "Well I'm no doctor, but I have picked a few things up from Carlisle. Do you mind if I check it out a little?"

The prospect of having him touch me again was far too tempting to pass up. I nodded.

He was more hesitant when he touched me this time, the electricity still zinged but I was prepared for it. He gently grabbed my elbow and lifted it upwards slowly. My muscles screamed in protest. I hadn't moved it in a while and the stiffness only increased the discomfort. I bit down onto my lip with my teeth to stop the whimper that threatened to escape my lips.

Edward gazed up at my face from under his eyelashes and after seeing my expression hastily dropped my arm back to my side.

"Bella, this is only going to work if you tell me when I'm hurting you," he told me sternly, pulling his hands back into his lap.

"Sorry," I murmured.

He shook his head slowly, a crooked smile playing at the edge of his perfect lips.

"Can you move it by yourself?"

"Not very much," I admitted. He seemed pleased with my honesty and gave me an encouraging smile that made my heart jump a little.

"Any numbness in your arm?"

I shook my head.

"Hmm."

"What's the verdict then, Doc?" I teased.

He chuckled, a soft, musical laugh that was only slightly forced. "Well, in my professional opinion, I think you've torn a few muscles, maybe pulled a ligament. Nothing that shouldn't be back to normal in six to eight weeks."

"Right," I said, nodding solemnly. Normally I would consider the implications this would have upon my life but since my near future was so distressingly undetermined I blocked these thoughts along with so many others.

He must have noticed the sudden change in my disposition. He gazed at me, even though I did not return his stare, and I felt a tingle of the electricity on my cheeks as his eyes analysed my face. The scrutiny made me feel uncomfortable and I let my hair fall over shoulder and block myself from his view.

"Bella," he said nervously after a few minutes.

Reflex action caused me to turn my head to gaze at his from behind the shield of my hair. His eyes appraised both of mine before he spoke again. I tried to imagine what he must have seen in them but lifelessness and vulnerability was all I felt.

"I was just wondering… earlier today, before all of this," he waved his hand around like the simple action explained the entirety of what the last few hours had done to all of our lives, "it seemed like you were avoiding me. I know I've asked you this before, but please tell me the truth. Have I done something to upset you?"

"No, of course not," I assured him quickly. I didn't like to lie; I very rarely did it at all. Being so completely hopeless at getting away with it was probably a large contributing factor. But how could I tell him that I was upset because he was simply being himself; however unimaginably perfect and godlike that was. How could I tell him that my attraction for him ran so much deeper than I even thought possible, and how the knowledge that those feelings would never be returned left me feeling pathetic and unworthy. I couldn't, it would cause me all of the rejection and embarrassment that I had been avoiding the prospect of when I made the decision to keep away from him in the first place. So I half lied, "It wasn't you, it was me. I guess I already knew something was wrong back home. Maybe it was my subconscious warning me about those planes, I'm not sure. It messed with my head. I'm sorry I let myself take it out on you all."

His eyes appraised me once more, soft and concerned. I couldn't have looked away if I tried. "The anxiety," he began, then stopped briefly as though recalling a memory, "you felt it at the campground, the day we all played soccer?"

It had only been yesterday, but it felt like an eternity ago.

I nodded. "That whole day I had felt on edge, and then it just got worse and worse until we stepped out onto the ridge at Tailor's..." I stopped, the rest he already knew.

"And the dreams?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I think so."

"Strange," he pondered aloud. My face must have given me away because he quickly added, "not in a bad way."

"It doesn't matter anyway. We still ended up here, now, and in this situation."

"Nothing you could have done would have changed anything," he said forcefully.

"I know that, but it doesn't mean I still don't think about it."

**Please, please, please review! I am so not above begging...**


	9. Chapter 8 Darkness Be My Friend

**A/N - One more chapter to go! Reviews make me work faster!**

_CHAPTER EIGHT Darkness, be my friend_

_I know the worlds got problems,_

_I've got problems of my own._

_They aint the kind that can be,_

_Solved with an atom bomb._

_(Gimme, gimme, gimme – A Perfect Circle)_

We all waited impatiently for darkness to fall. It wasn't until 9:30 when we finally decided it was dark enough for us to leave. We were all dressed in dark, warm clothing. It was the first time that we really started acting like we were guerrillas rather than teenagers. I borrowed a pair of dark track pants from Emmett's mum as well as a black hoodie from the back of Emmett's closet. It fit pretty well so I assumed Emmett hadn't worn it since he was at least thirteen.

Saying goodbye to the others was the worst. We all hugged and tried our best not to cry before wishing each other luck and promising each other that we would all be in one piece when we met at my house before sunrise. Alice and Jasper took the longest to say goodbye, but nobody made any move to hurry them. They held each other in tight embraces as Alice wept quietly and Jasper caressed her cheeks in encouragement. When they finally did pull away from each other Alice immediately clutched onto my hand. For a small girl she had one killer grip, but I squeezed her hand back in support.

We watched in silence as they all mounted their bikes and rode out the driveway. We had decided earlier that using the Landie was too risky. It was too loud for a start, which would kill any amount of camouflage and stealth that the darkness had graced us with. Bikes were the next best option, faster than walking but quiet.

We waited until the others' dark silhouettes disappeared into the night before any of us moved. Alice's hand loosened in my grip and her hand slowly fell from mine.

"Can we just get this over with?" she whispered in the darkness.

I nodded, unable to find my voice until I realised she probably wouldn't be able to see.

"Bella, are you sure you can do this?" Edward asked softly from my other side.

Biking with one arm was going to be damn hard but we didn't really have any other choice. There was no way in hell that I was getting left behind.

"Yeah," I replied, sounding very unconfident.

After a few minutes though, it became blindingly apparent that riding a bike in my condition was not going to happen. Twice I fell, jarring my shoulder painfully, and we hadn't even left the driveway yet.

"Perhaps we should just walk," Alice suggested after my third and final attempt.

"We'll be too slow, we'll never make it back in time," I said in a defeated voice. I felt the threat of tears sting at my eyes.

"I'm not leaving you behind Bella," Alice said sternly.

"I don't want you to." My voice was barely audible. So much had happened already, I didn't know if I was strong enough to be left behind while Edward and Alice rode off into danger.

"Get on my bike," Edward said suddenly. I turned away from Alice's worried face to Edward who looked very serious.

"What?"

"You can dub with Edward," Alice shrieked a little too enthusiastically. "Just like when we were kids."

I eyed Edward's bike nervously. This used to be a piece of cake when we were younger, I should be able to pull it off now right?

Edward held the bike steady while I attempted a few times to climb up onto the handlebars, something which required the use of my right arm. It wasn't going to work, even if I could get myself up there I wouldn't be able to hold on properly with only one arm... That's how I ended up sat, somewhat uncomfortably, on the bar between the seat and the handlebars, held tightly between Edward's strong muscular arms. Edward's body around me gave me enough support so that I could hold on and keep my balance without putting too much strain on my shoulder.

We pedalled silently down the dark country road. The only sounds were the slight whirling of the bike tires, the whoosh of a gentle breeze in my ears and gentle and even breathing of Edward in my ear. I found it difficult to focus on the fact that we were possibly riding towards the most dangerous situation we would ever be in, Edward's warm and calming scent smothered me and I bathed in it. I felt his strong chest rise and fall steadily against my back and was instantly reminded of the morning I had awoken to find our bodies in a very similar position. Fortunately, my blush was lost to the darkness.

I knew that I had already made my decision in regards to Edward, he was strictly off bounds, but with our current situation I couldn't bring myself to push anyone away. Not when we were already so alone. A small, selfish and irrational part of my mind argued that if we truly were in the middle of an invasion then perhaps my worries were unfounded, and I was comforted with the knowledge that Edward might need me as much as I needed him, for now at least.

The ride was silent on the way to the Cullens' and the closer we got the more my unease came back to me, until all of my senses were on full alert. We were about two miles from the Cullens' and my eyes were scanning the dark landscape for any sign of movement when a sudden bellow from a bull in a nearby paddock almost sent me sprawling onto the road. The bike wobbled violently but Edward managed to keep us under control - just. I looked up to see that Alice had actually bailed off her bike and started heading towards the shrubbery on the opposite side of the road.

Once we had all steadied our heart rates we continued on, but at a much faster pace. Perhaps Alice and Edward were just anxious to get to their house. Personally I just wanted to get off the road. I didn't like being so out in the open and I longed for the familiarity and comfort of those walls.

What awaited us was anything but comforting.

The Cullens' house was an obvious target - I don't know why we hadn't figured it out earlier. It was common knowledge that the Cullens' had money, and lots of it. I wasn't being facetious when I said their house was by far the biggest and most expensive in the entire state. The glare of the large front window that expanded the length of the front lounge was the first thing that greeted you as you rounded the final bend along the extensive driveway. What _we_ were met with was a gaping hole of shattered glass.

Alice, who was a few yards ahead of us had already discarded her bike on the gravel driveway and was sprinting towards the front door that stood ajar. Edward stayed a few seconds to make sure that I could keep my balance before taking off after Alice.

"Alice, be careful!" He hissed in the darkness, but she wasn't listening.

I followed behind them on trembling legs. It didn't occur to me until later that Edward's warning had meant that he thought there was a possibility the intruders were still inside. I was running on autopilot again, too afraid to contemplate reality.

Dirty boot prints filled the entrance way and disappeared in different directions throughout the house. I couldn't tell for sure in the darkness but it looked like there was definitely more than one person – two, maybe three - they came and left more than once. The large and very expensive looking painting that hung on the wall at the bottom of the stairs had been taken, along with a small crystal statue that sat on an end table by the coat rack. I flicked the lights, more out of habit than anything else, but there was nothing. My feet led me forward and into the lounge room where I felt the air being knocked from my lungs in surprise.

The room was a shambles. The crystal chandelier that hung from the ceiling had been ripped down and lay in pieces upon the rug below. Many priceless paintings that decorated the walls had again been removed, except for one which sat crooked in its broken frame hanging limply from only one of its hooks. Family photos had been pushed from the mantle and their glass smashed upon the hearth. The mahogany coffee table had been the reason for the destroyed window. It lay tangled amongst the mangled window frame; one of its thick legs had split to reveal the lighter, unstained wood from inside. The leather couches that Alice and I had lounged upon only a few weeks earlier had all been upturned. One had been slashed brutally - its white padding protruding out of the gashes in the dark leather.

I could hardly believe my eyes as they scanned the desecrated room, and then they fell upon the worst sight of all.

Edward stood silently in front of his once glorious grand piano. His fingers shook violently over the cracked and broken ivory keys, and the stool lay trashed and discarded against the wall across the room. Wood splintered up from the lid and a large hole had been kicked in the base above the pedals.

Air rushed back into my starving lungs as I gasped at the sight of him. His back was turned but he made no move to turn or even acknowledge my presence. I didn't know what to do or what to say so I just stood there and gaped stupidly at the scene in front of me. A loud thump from upstairs suddenly broke us out of our devastated trance.

I ran for the stairs without a second thought, almost falling as I lost my balance - a result of trying not to strain my shoulder again. I steadied myself as I reached the first step, very aware of Edward's presence right behind me.

"Alice!" I called as I hurtled up the first flight of stairs and along the hallway to her door.

She was sat crumpled on the floor in front of her wardrobe, she hiccupped loudly as tears streamed down her face and her shoulders shook ruthlessly. She was surrounded by a sea of clothing that had been ripped from their hangers and thrown on the floor. The draws on her large dresser were pulled open, some pulled all the way out and left upturned on the floor. Her grandmother's jewellery box had been emptied, the culprit pocketing what was quite possibly thousands of dollars of designer jewellery and family heirlooms that Alice had accumulated over the years.

Alice's arms clung to me tightly the instant I wrapped my good one around her and within seconds I could feel her tears penetrate my hoodie. I held her there for what seemed like hours as she trembled in my arms. I didn't know if I was shaking as well, or if her violent tremors were causing my body to shudder, but we wept and cried and shook together on that floor until we had no tears left to cry. When Alice finally allowed me to let her go I journeyed along the hallway to the next flight of stairs in search of Edward, who had left the room at some point, while Alice moved off towards Carlisle and Esme's room.

I hadn't actually been inside Edward's room but I knew the house well enough to deduce its general location. I could hear him shuffle around loudly however as I moved along the dark third floor passageway.

Pushing aside the door to his room I saw him leaning down over his bed pushing something roughly into an open duffle bag. His room was large, like Alice's, but simpler. The bed he was leaning over was to my right, about halfway in the room. Another door, which I assumed led to his bathroom stood upon the same wall. Across the wall to my left sat a large black leather sofa, like the one in the lounge, with a bookcase on the other end. The wall across the room in front of me had large windows and a pair of French doors in the middle that led out to a balcony. Edward turned quickly from the bag and paced determinedly to the closet before returning with just as much urgency, this time with a handful of dark clothing.

"Edward?" I asked softly from the doorway, not wanting to intrude unless I was asked in.

He continued to move around the room though, either he hadn't heard me or he was ignoring me. He strode over to a chest of drawers and roughly pulled out a drawer before firing its contents over his shoulder at the bag, then disappeared through the second door to the bathroom, returning quickly with more stuff.

"Edward," I said again, a little louder this time.

Again he didn't acknowledge me, instead he half zipped up the bag, gabbed the handles before turning towards me as I stood stiff in the doorway. His expression frightened me. His jaw was tense and clamped shut, his nostrils flared a little and his beautiful eyes were wide, mad and determined.

I shrunk back from him as he moved out of his room and into the passageway, but he caught my wrist on the way past and pulled me along with him.

"Edward! What are you doing?" I cried as he towed me along the hall towards Carlisle and Esme's room. His grip was not light.

"We're getting out of here," he said sternly without turning.

"Edward, wait," I pleaded as we rounded the bend of the hall, but he continued to drag me along. "Stop!" I finally yelled, planting my feet and pulling back on my arm. Luckily he hadn't grabbed my sore one. I was quite small but working on a farm all my life had left me deceptively strong I managed to drag him to a halt.

"Bella, don't you see what's going on here!" he snapped as he pivoted on his heel to face me. His anger took me aback and I shrunk away from him again, pulling my arm back and rubbing my wrist tenderly.

He took in my expression for a second before his eyes fell to my wrist as I caressed the spot where he had held it so tightly.

He groaned, running his hand through his hair quickly. "Bella," his voice was softer now, but not by much. I kept my gaze on my wrist, too intimidated to look at him in the eyes. "Don't you see what this means? We were right, about everything. This just proves it all," he said urgently, panic rising clearer than I had ever heard in his voice as it melted away the anger. I looked up to see it just as evident in his face.

I opened my mouth to speak but found that I couldn't. I couldn't argue, what we found here only made me believe more, made my stomach twist tighter. My head began to hurt.

"We can't stay here for any longer, Bella, don't you see?" His voice dropped lower and I watched his feet as they took half a step toward me. "Fuck the showground! Every second we're here we're in more and more danger. We need to get far, far away, and now."

I shook, just once. It was an icy cold shiver that ran right through my whole body igniting the gentle prickle of tears that I thought I had all but exhausted. In all honesty, we had no idea how widespread this thing was, but something told me it wasn't just our little, insignificant town that was being affected.

"Bella?" he said softly. I didn't look up, afraid that the look in his eyes would shatter the floodgate of tears threatening to break free. When I didn't respond he brought his hand up and I felt his finger gently lift my chin, bringing my gaze up to his piercing green eyes. "Bella," he said again, bathing me in a flood of his sweet breath that I barely resisted the urge to lean into, "I'm sorry I frightened you," his finger briefly stroked my jaw once before he let his hand fall to his side again. "I just want to keep you safe." His emerald green eyes appraised mine deeply and I felt completely transfixed.

It wasn't so much the words he spoke but more the way in which he said it. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think. My mind completely shut down leaving my heart to run overtime. It was like one of those strange movie moments – we both gazed unabashed into each other's eyes for what seemed like an eternity. Something about the way he looked at me made it impossible to look away. The panic was still there in his eyes, but it was overshadowed by something deeper, something that my mind managed to construe into a type of concerned affection. I knew it was ridiculous, but for the moment I let myself just imagine.

I felt my fingers twitch as I longed to reach out and touch him, any sort of contact would have sufficed. I just needed to feel closer to him. I subconsciously bit down on my bottom lip as the faintest hint of the electricity crackled between us and fuelled the strength of my need to touch him. Just as I thought I was about to lose the battle with my self-control the sound of movement from behind Edward startled us both from our trance like state.

Edward's eyes left mine as he turned his head to look back and I suddenly felt the strain of the breath I didn't realise I had been holding pull at my chest. I exhaled in what sounded more like a sigh before leaning around Edward to see Alice shuffling out of Esme and Carlisle's room, clutching something tightly between her fingers. Tears were rolling down her slender cheeks like wrecking balls and she had a look in her eye like a kicked puppy.

"Alice," I whispered, as I sidestepped Edward and walked closer to her. As I reached her side I realised it was a photo she was holding in her hands. I turned her hands so that the image side faced me. With the very limited light we had I could make out two faces, Carlisle and Esme's. Carlisle kissed Esme's cheek softly while Esme smiled in ecstasy at the camera. Esme's face was silhouetted in white so I could only assume that had been taken on their wedding day.

"We have to find them Edward, we have to!" Alice almost pleaded, her voice shook and she had to stop once to catch her breath in between sobs.

Edward's eye's fell upon the photo in Alice's hands too and I saw as his face crumpled in suppressed pain. The true nature of Edward's relationship with his new parents was evident in that one look. He was hurting, he was scared, he was distressed – he loved them.

"Edward," I tried to reason as calmly as possible as his eyes stayed glued to the picture. "We have to help them. We could run now and be safe, but we'd always be left wondering. We need to do this, for all of our sanity. We can't just turn our backs on them."

His eyes remained plastered to the photo and I saw indecision battling in his eyes. Seizing my moment I walked forward and stood in front of him. Slowly I lifted my hand and released his grip from around the handle of the duffle bag he still held in his hand forcing his eyes on mine.

"We'll still leave, back to Hell where it's safe. We just have to do this one thing first," I knew how fragile we all were at the moment, I knew that I had to be gentle. "Besides," I reasoned, "we can bring the Landie back, it can fit so much more in there than we can on our bikes. We need to be prepared, so we need to do this right."

He looked at me silently for a moment a torrent of conflicting emotions raging in his eyes. I looked back confidently, silently pleading with him. I saw as his eyes flickered between mine then to Alice's tortured face and back to the photo before he nodded slowly.

"There's no point in waiting around then," I said boldly, surprising even myself, "let's get this over with."

**One more old chapter after this and then its all new material from there. :) I'll be deleting the old version tonight. **


	10. Chapter 9 Nowhere Left To Run

**A/N - This is it! The last resubmitted chapter. Read quick, leave a review and the new stuff will be up before you know it!**

_CHAPTER NINE Nowhere left to run_

_We're different colours,_

_And different creeds,_

_And different people,_

_Have different needs,_

_It's obvious you hate me,_

_Though I've done nothing wrong,_

_I've never even met you,_

_What could I have done?_

_People are people so why should it be,_

_You and I shouldn't get along?_

_People are people so why should it be,_

_You should hate me? _

_(People Are People – A Perfect Circle)_

We left the Cullens' soon after with a promise to ourselves to return very soon. The showground was quite near the outskirts of town so we decided that going cross country for as much as possible was the best way to go. The more time we could spend away from the roadways the better, but there was only so far that the empty and threat-less paddocks would take us. After I had painfully climbed about a million fences we finally reached the dark roadway that would take us directly into town and right by the Showground. It was business time; time to turn our senses onto full alert because being vigilant was the difference between life and death for us that night.

We followed the road, but at a distance. There was a good tree line about three metres from the roadway. It was too thick for us to walk through but we walked at the edge so that we faded into its shadows.

The only good thing about the walk was that I was so busy trying to concentrate on walking in the almost pitch black without tripping, watching out for any sign of movement, as well as trying to keep quiet myself - that it didn't leave much opportunity to think about what we were potentially walking into. We spread ourselves out with about ten metres between us in attempt to draw as little attention to ourselves as possible, in case someone was watching. I took the lead, Alice followed behind while Edward watched the road from the back. It wasn't until we were about one and a half miles from the Showground that we encountered our first problem.

The almost jet-black darkness meant that we could see the headlights of the oncoming truck, despite the fact that they were still about two miles away and only running their parkers. The only problem was that they approached from behind so even though Edward noticed them early he still had to run to catch up with Alice and me to warn us. We ducked into a particularly dense bit of bush and disappeared into its thick tendrils as the truck passed.

Apart from the fact that the flatbed Ute travelled at an almost ridiculous speed and ran only its parking lights, there wasn't that much suspicious about it. The cab only held two people but it was too dark to see any more than black silhouettes. We remained crouched in a small huddle until the lights and noise had completely drifted away into the darkness. It was here in the thick of the shrubbery that we held our quick meeting.

"I don't like the distance, we should be closer together," Edward stated sternly to Alice and I. We were new to this, there were bound to be hiccups. It's not like any of us were experts in guerrilla warfare.

We agreed and slipped out quietly from amongst the bushes to continue our trek down the tree line with only a metre or two between us now.

The route we took meant that we approached the Showground from the car park entrance on the side facing furtherest away from town. We had decided that it was the safest vantage point with the most cover and easiest escape point. And it would have been too, had it not been for the huge floodlights that shone brightly over the entire grounds within the gates. We were crouched together at the end of the tree line, still about a hundred metres away from the Showground gates, but even here the light reached us. Faintly, but enough to make a difference and make us all feel rather nervous.

It took real courage for us to make that first step away from the tree line and into the dull light. Any comfort the darkness gave us was stripped immediately and you were left with the most ridiculous sense of vulnerability.

Edward made the first move, dashing out of the tree line and covering the ten metre gap between us and the first row of cars on the very outskirts of the lot. I watched as he crouched low and drove forward with determination and precision, keeping his body very close to the ground as he moved. I watched in a state of awe. You never realise the bravery required for such a simple task until your put into a life or death situation like that, and Edward did it with inconceivable grace.

My body felt frozen and I had to mentally yell at myself a few times before I found the courage to drive my feet forward. It only took fifteen quick steps but at any moment I expected to hear a shout, or yell, maybe even the blast of a gunshot as I was spotted – but none came and I reached the side of the dark SUV panting far too hard considering I had only run twenty feet, my whole body prickling with alertness. I still felt a little swell of pride despite my light-headedness. Those fifteen steps had changed something in me. I was no longer the kind, polite, obedient rural kid. I grew a lot in those few steps.

Alice followed quickly after me. I guess she was driven more by a determination to not be left behind, rather than anything else. But then again maybe I'm wrong. I've seen another side to Alice that I didn't know existed, I don't think I can ever doubt her bravery again. Maybe those ten metres changed her too.

Before any of us could really give ourselves the chance to give ourselves a pat on the back or think twice about what we were doing we stared moving again, one after the other, drifting like shadows from car to car inching ever closer to the burning menace of the floodlights.

We stopped again when we were only three rows of cars away from the fence. We were getting very close, my body tingled.

"What do we do now?" Edward asked, and I realised after a few seconds that his question was directed at me. Both him and Alice gazed at me and awaited my instructions, both asking me for direction. I felt the weight this new sense of leadership brought onto me but ignored it and tried to think everything out logically. I was all about logic now.

"The fence over there," I whispered, pointing off to our left to the front left corner of the parking lot, "there's a line of trees planted along there which should give us some cover. Plus we should be hidden by the Groundskeeper's shed."

The good thing about being from a small town is that after living here for almost eighteen years you get to know the place like the back of your own hand.

I waited for them to both nod in approval before moving off in a forty-five degree angle in the direction we had agreed upon. As I reached the last vehicle I was glad to see that the Groundskeeper's shed shielded us a lot more than I realised. Behind it was almost pitch black as the dark iron roof blocked the light that streamed into the parking lot from the eight tall floodlights we could see protruding from the outskirts of the playing field in the centre of the Showground. The fence also ran right up to the back of the shed so we could tuck ourselves in close to its walls for added camouflage.

I couldn't help the ridiculous grin that emerged on my face as I plastered my back against the wire mesh behind the shed and waited for the others to join me. It was a ridiculous situation to be smiling at, but this whole day had been ridiculous and the small sense of smugness I was feeling at that moment was about the only emotion my surprisingly rational brain was allowing my body to feel. I sidled to the edge of the building and slowly peeked my head around the corner of the structure.

From my new vantage point I could see a surprisingly large amount of the grounds. It took a while for my eyes to adjust to the intensity of the lights but I quickly became aware of several very large tents that had been erected in the centre of the playing field. This wasn't unusual however. Quite often if the weather looked like it might turn sour the organisers of the Memorial Day show would hire out huge marquees so that people could set up their stalls and what not out of the weather. Scattered around them were many different attractions and sideshows. Hot dog stands still laid in waiting, and the Ferris wheel loomed darkly in the background.

I watched the tents intently. There looked to be five in all, there could possibly be more on the grassy area to the north end but the grandstand obstructed my view. I was in the middle of mentally calculating how many people you could fit into them when a flash of movement caught my eye.

The man beside one of the larger tents had been standing so still that I hadn't noticed he was there. He was dressed in dark clothing that could easily have been a uniform but I couldn't tell for sure from this distance. He moved forward and walked the entire circumference of the marquee before returning to his original position. He held something long and black in his hands and the way in which he held it made me almost certain that it was a rifle of some kind. I scanned a little further until my eyes landed upon more movement; a group of three, moving slowly together around the perimeter of the fence. They were closer than the previous man was and as a result I could deduce with almost total certainty that they were in fact in matching uniforms and armed.

Despite everything we had seen already this was the first real confirmation we had that there was in fact a hostile army in our country and they were most definitely in control. I should have felt fear, I expected fear. But instead all I felt was anger and resentment. That was the first time I let my imagination free a little. It was too hard to keep it under control with the evidence staring at us blindingly in the face. I imagined how Charlie and Renee were right now. Charlie didn't like being told what to do - he never had and never would. I could picture him stuck inside that tent like a raging bull in a pen. I only hoped with my entire being that he could control himself enough to not get himself hurt.

Renee, on the other hand, would be freaking out. She didn't deal with confrontation and dangerous situations very well at all. Even when Charlie had been teaching me to ride the quad when I was a kid, she stood in the background fretting so much that I thought she might cause herself to have an aneurysm– something like this could definitely cause her to go to pieces.

My mind was filled with pictures of destruction and death I had seen on the news when they did reports about the wars over seas. Buildings turned to rubble, cars blown to pieces, mothers screaming agony over the death of their children, schools full of bullet holes and endless lines of soldiers with emotionless expressions moving in perfect unison. Was that what my life was going to be like now, full of carnage and despair? And what about the lives of my friends and family, my parents...would I ever see them again? Was it already too late?

It was while my head was filled with these thoughts that the door flap to the nearest tent moved and a plump male figure exited the tent. With his hands on his head he moved forward a few paces then stopped.

The waiting sentries all suddenly burst into action, some seemed to appear from out of thin air until the man was surrounded by five armed soldiers. He talked with them for a moment before one lead him across the lawn and the other four dispersed back into the shadows.

The two men walked closer towards us, to the toilet block on the closest edge of the grandstand. The man never dropped his arms from his head. It was only at the last second, as the light above the door shone on his face that I recognised him. It was Mr Banner, my high school biology teacher.

I felt an icy coldness spread throughout my whole body and goose bumps began prickling at my skin. That really confirmed it then. They would be in there, all of them. My family, my friends, my neighbours, my teachers, all of them – trapped inside those ominous canvas boxes. This was the new reality of our lives.

I pulled my head back in and leaned heavily against the wire mesh, needing the sturdiness of the fence to help me keep my balance. I don't know how long I stood there with my eyes closed tightly shut, focusing all of my energy on controlling my breathing and blocking out the flood of mental images that bombarded my vision as a torrent of emotion consumed me. Eventually I felt a hand rest tenderly upon my shoulder, the hand had a voice connected to it as well but I couldn't quite make out the words. Slowly the hand began to shake me, softly at first but my whole body was rocking by the time I finally dragged my mind out of the dark hole that I had been avoiding so desperately.

Edward and Alice both stood in front of me looking absolutely terrified. The hand belonged to Edward, it still held firmly to my good shoulder as his anxious eyes explored mine.

"Bella? Are you okay?" Alice whispered frantically from somewhere beside Edward.

I swallowed audibly, pushing down the hot bile that had risen up my throat then nodded. I noticed then how absurdly pale they both looked, the light from the Showground cast deep shadows across both their faces making them look withered and empty. I wanted to tell them to turn away from the light but it wasn't enough.

"Let's get the hell out of here," I breathed, pushing away from the fence quickly. They didn't hesitate to follow me - and it was the worst thing we could have done.

I hadn't even reached the cover of the first vehicle before we heard the shout - and it was horrifyingly close.

I didn't even hear what they said, I wouldn't know if they were even speaking English or not. But the tone of the shout gave everything away. It said 'A_lert! Come quick'. _I didn't even think about my next move, it just happened. 'Fight or flight' I think they call it, and every cell in my body was telling me to run like hell.

I had put two rows of cars between us before the bullets hit.

They slammed into the shiny metal panels of the cars all around me, the noise was so loud and the reverberation so prolific that I couldn't actually tell where they were hitting. But the absolute fear I felt at that point was totally indescribable. My body went entirely numb and I thought my heart was about to explode with the sheer force it used to pound in my chest. There are no words to describe the terror you feel the first time someone fires a bullet at you.

My body buckled at my waist and I bent so low that I thought my nose might actually scrape against the pavement as I ploughed my way back through the rows of vehicles. My shoulder screamed in protest as I dodged and weaved and pushed my body further. It hurt like hell, but more important things were demanding my attention. I didn't know where Edward and Alice were but I hoped like hell that they were right behind me. I wanted so badly to turn my head around and look for them but I was so terrified at what I might see that I couldn't bring myself to do it. Suddenly the car park seemed so astoundingly huge. No matter how fast I ran I wasn't getting to the other side fast enough. The thick mass of bush on the far side was ready and waiting to engulf my body with open arms but I couldn't make my legs move fast enough to get me there as quickly as I wanted.

There was a break in the gunfire, they must have let off a fair few rounds by that point and I guessed that they would be reloading. I risked it and lifted my body a little higher, allowing me the added speed I needed. But the moment I did another round of fire started, from my left this time, and a lot closer. A windshield shattered right behind me sending a sickening smashing sound through my ears as I felt the tiny shards of glass prickle at my skin. Bullet after bullet crashed into objects around me, some passing so close to me that I felt the heat of them on my skin leaving my whole body wired like I had been burnt. I drove my body forward those last few metres, wanting nothing more than the harsh and spiky branches to swallow me whole.

Of course, because I am Bella Swan and it's mandatory for me to hit the ground at least once every day, I tripped on the first fallen branch I came across and went sprawling onto the muddy ground. I heard the movement a fraction of a second before I felt the impact and all of a sudden Alice's small frame was landing on top of me, successfully knocking all of the air from my lungs and leaving me breathless.

I should have cared about the pain that ripped through my lungs, back and shoulder, as well as the terrifying feeling of suffocation that strangled my throat, but I couldn't because Alice was here with me, she was okay – and I couldn't have been more thankful.

Almost as soon as she had landed Alice was struggling back up to her feet. Without the added pressure of her minimal body weight my lungs filled with one harsh and very heavy gasp of air that hurt almost as much as when the air had been slammed out of me.

But there was no time for feeling sorry for myself, we were nowhere near safe. Edward, who must have been following Alice, was suddenly pulling my gasping body from the ground by the back of my shirt. He pulled me roughly upwards and was anything but gentle but the act possibly saved my life, while he risked his even further. He pushed me quickly in front of him and the second my feet hit the ground they started to drive forward again, despite the fact that I was still struggling for breath and hadn't completely gotten my balance back yet. I stumbled the first few metres, feeling Edward's hand on my back forcing me forward as Alice began to pull ahead of me. I had to command my legs to keep up with Alice as her tiny form darted between the trees. The bush was thick and we had to bend low again to avoid the hanging branches. I followed the back of Alice's heels as we dodged and weaved amongst the undergrowth at a full sprint.

The stuttering gunfire never ceased from behind us and every now and again a lucky bullet would smash into the trunk of a tree or rip through branches no further than a few inches away from us. Each clap from the guns behind sent a new wave of adrenaline coursing through my straining muscles. It pushed me forward, moving my legs quicker when I thought exhaustion would force them to collapse. I didn't think I would ever be able to stop, if I slowed even a fraction I knew I would be dead. That was until Alice suddenly froze in front of me and I almost ran straight into her breathless body. We had hit the edge of the tree line and were met with the wide open and empty space that was the Forks High School playing field. There was no cover, only the dauntingly open expanse of nicely mowed grass. We would be too exposed, we wouldn't stand a chance.

I couldn't catch my breath long enough to explain to Alice and Edward what I was doing, my chest burned as my lungs heaved. Instead I turned to my left and took off again, knowing that they would follow. The majority of the school buildings sat on the very opposite side of the field from where we had emerged but they curved around to our left, the cafeteria being the final building on the far end. It was close to the tree line but would still leave us exposed for about twenty metres as we left the safety of the trees for the shadows and cover of the tall buildings.

I risked a glance over my shoulder. Alice and Edward followed very closely behind me, eyes wide and breathing heavily. Behind them I saw the flickering of torch light as the soldiers hunted us through the trees. I guess they had seen enough of us to know that we were unarmed. This would mean they wouldn't have to waste time being cautious, which only made them that much more lethal.

The gap between the trees and the cafeteria building was a lot wider than it had looked when I made the decision to run towards it. But we were in far too deep and there was no turning back now. I broke free of the tree line, pushing my body the hardest I ever had. I just hoped to God that I wouldn't be my normal clumsy self and fall. I set my eyes on the corner of the cafeteria and ran hard with my head down.

I was about halfway when the gunfire started, breaking through the still night like a firecracker being let off right in your face. They fired in one continuous stream, and in one daunting second I knew that we were never going to make it, it was too far. In my arrogance to take the lead I had probably just cost Edward and Alice their lives.

There was a door halfway along the side of the cafeteria wall. It was a fire escape, one that was never _ever_ used. So I have no idea why I ran for it as the bullets pounded into the ground around my feet, it would most certainly have been locked. But I set my sights for it anyway, having no other option but to hope and pray that some wonderful idiot had left it unlocked. Some part of my mind even considered that I might have been able to throw my body through it, like you see action heroes do in the movies sometimes. It was either try, or take a bullet – and I knew which option I preferred. As I covered the last few metres I realised that there truly was a god, because it was actually open, hanging slightly lopsidedly from one of its hinges.

I think I flew through the door, knocking it out of my way as I crashed through it like a cannonball. The soldiers must have already raided the school buildings, I guessed that the door had been kicked in. I narrowly avoided smashing into one of the large circular lunch tables that were scattered around the lunchroom, but the instant I had regained my footing I was spinning on my heel and watching as by some further miracle both Alice and Edward came sailing in the fire escape after me.

We quickly appraised ourselves, surprised as hell that we were still all in one piece, before moving quickly across the room to the main entrance, avoiding the large windows as much as possible.

It was locked, tightly shut and completely unmoveable.

It seemed cruel and unfair to have gotten this far only to be gunned down in this room by two locked doors. I wanted to cry in frustration but I knew it would be useless. My eyes searched the room. For what, I don't know. An escape? A weapon? Maybe both, but what I did find was a plan.

Alice let out one small whimper but Edward just turned around and stalked back into the centre of the room towards the tables. I watched, awe struck as he picked up the nearest chair and hurled it as hard as he could through the nearest window. I expected the sound but the sheer volume of the huge glass panel shattering made me cringe. It was worse than the bullets and I knew it would bring the soldiers that much quicker.

Edward beckoned to us impatiently to follow as he headed towards the now gaping hole in the side of the building, but I didn't follow.

What I wanted was risky but it was smart.

"Wait," I called, before he stepped back out into the darkness. "We've been lucky so far," understatement of the year, "but we can't keep outrunning them."

Edward eyed my anxiously again, his gaze flicking between the newly smashed window exit and the door that soldiers would soon be entering through with rifles drawn and murderous intentions. We didn't have time to discuss it so without another word I ran to the centre of the room and climbed onto the table, reaching up my good arm to push aside the manhole cover in the ceiling. I had seen Mike hide one of the kids he was picking on at the time's bag up here once when he was in a particularly asshole-ish mood so I knew it was possible, I just had to convince the others.

"They'll think we escaped out that way, we have to do what they least expect," I pleaded half hysterically. We had to do something, and now.

To my utter shock deliberation passed through Edward's face for only a fraction of a second before he moved forward quickly and joined me on the table. With his height he could easily reach up to the ceiling, it was going to be a lot easier for him than it would be for me. I cringed at the thought of pulling myself up with my bad shoulder. Edward was one step ahead though.

"Get on my shoulders," he said quickly and sternly, crouching down in front of me so that I could climb up on his back with minimal effort. I did what he said without a fuss and seconds later I was easily pulling myself up into the hole. The ceiling was shorter than I expected but there would be more than enough room for the three of us. I moved away from the opening, being careful to only put my weight on the beams rather than the weak jib board of the ceiling. The next second Edward's bronze hair appeared through the gap and as he worked his way in. I silently applauded him for the amazing upper body strength it would have taken to pull himself up. Even in the most terrifying experience of my life I still managed to get myself distracted by him. Pathetic.

After he pulled his feet in I leaned forward as he swivelled on his stomach and we both looked down at Alice who gazed back up at us looking like she might be about to cry as she quickly brushed the mud that had fallen from our boots off of the table top.

"Hurry," she whispered anxiously and raised her hands up to us and darting her eyes over to the door. I went to grab for one of her hands, completely forgetting about my inability to properly anchor myself, but Edward was already lying down and offering Alice both of his hands.

I moved back and grabbed onto Edward's shoulder instead, hoping to have enough strength to hold him back while he lifted Alice up.

They worked like some kind of circus act though, like they had already practiced the entire routine. I guess I shouldn't have doubted Alice; she's so small and graceful that given half the chance I bet she could have just floated right up through that manhole.

We pulled the manhole cover back over the entrance a second before we heard the soldiers enter the room, I saw a brief flash of light flicker across the floor before the lid concealed the room from my view. Their footsteps were quick and direct after they had assessed that the room was empty. I think I counted four separate pairs of boots on the lino flooring but it was hard to tell with my heart pounding so loudly in my ears. I was almost convinced that they would have been able to hear it but nothing would slow it down. I had my left hand cupped over my mouth and nose in attempt to quiet my ragged breathing and I found that my hand was quivering slightly. With the lid shut it was pitch black up in the roof and for an instant I got a surge of irrational fear that I was somehow alone. That Edward and Alice had simply ceased to exist and suddenly my heart was beating even harder. I strained my ears but I could hear no sound of their presence in the small and dark ceiling cavity. I wanted to hear their voices but didn't dare a whisper through fear that I would be discovered by the soldiers.

After a few seconds the irrational terror became too much and my spare hand twitched out impulsively, connecting with something warm. I felt the distinct texture of denim that jumped slightly under my touch, a leg? I heard the crunching of boots on broken glass from below and suddenly and warm, soft hand connected with mine. The hand was too large to be Alice's, firm but soft but that wasn't why I knew it was Edward. I snaked my fingers in between his and felt the soft tingle of his electricity as it warmed my shaking fingertips and prickled its way up arm. The soft raised line of scar tissue that cut across his palm distinguishable against my own.

My heart still hammered loudly in my ears but I feared it was for reasons other than the armed gunmen only metres away from me. When we heard the low drone of a male voice from below Edward squeezed my hand lightly. Another man replied to the first but not in a language I could recognise. Their tones seemed relaxed and after a few more seconds I heard the boots on glass again as they quickly moved out the broken window to resume their hunt.

The only movement by any of us for a very long time was Edward's thumb as it gently caressed the back of my hand and eventually stopped my shakes. No other movements were made, we were all too afraid that the soldiers would realise we tricked them and they would come back to look for us. After what seemed like an hour my back was straining in protest at the bent position the roof was forcing me into. The light pitter-patter of rain had begun to fall on the iron of the roof and the noise became strangely lulling. My body was exhausted, and if it wasn't for my aching back and all consuming fear I probably could have fallen asleep.

The sudden flash of vivid blue light assaulted my eyes and sent my heart hammering again. It took me a few seconds for me to realise that it was just the light from Alice's watch and then a few more seconds for my eyes to become accustomed to the light that was amplified a thousand times in the dark space, in which time I internally kicked myself for not thinking of it earlier when I had been so panicked. We had all found and synchronised watches while we had been waiting for darkness at Emmett's earlier. Edward must have felt the tension in my hand and squeezed mine back gently while I hoped the blue light would drown all evidence of my embarrassed blush.

"It's almost four," Alice's hoarse whisper sounded out, I cringed a little at the fact that she thought we were safe enough to speak while I still half expected to see the barrel of a gun push open the lid in front of me and my life to end in a flash of gunfire. Edward apparently didn't join in my concern however.

"How long do you think it will take to get back to your house on foot?" He whispered to me, I cringed again but bit back at my fear.

"At least an hour, maybe more," I answered in a voice barely above a breath, remembering the time when Charlie had forgotten to pick me up from school before I was allowed to drive and I had been forced to walk home in the deep mid winter snow. Needless to say I was not amused but Charlie had been very apologetic.

He nodded and ran his free hand through his messy hair. "That's presuming we don't run into any more trouble. It'll be tight but it sure beats laying low in town for the day."

I agreed, rather profusely. The last thing I wanted to do was spend the day cramped in another awkward position while fearing my life. Now that we understood the magnitude of what was happening in our small town I had never wanted to be further away from it.

**A/N - I'll probably get over excited and post the new chapter tonight. One review and I'll do it. Promise!**


	11. Chapter 10 Fire And Ice

**A/N - Here it is guys, the new stuff :)**

_CHAPTER TEN Fire and Ice_

_From dehumanization,_

_To arms production,_

_For the benefit of the nation,_

_Or its destruction?_

_Power, power,_

_The law of the land,_

_Those living for death,_

_Will die by their own hand._

_It's your choice, your choice, your choice,_

_Peace or annihilation._

_(Annihilation – A Perfect Circle)_

Edward refused to let us leave the ceiling first. With one last reassuring smile he silently slipped through the manhole and out into the dark cafeteria, replacing the lid as he left. Cool fresh air assaulting my exposed skin as it mixed with the dusty heat of the ceiling cavity.

Edward was gone for three minutes and forty-three seconds but it was the longest three minutes and forty-three seconds of my life. Nothing but silence and the pounding of my heartbeat filled my ears but I couldn't decide if that was a good thing or not. When the tap on the lid finally came I jumped so high that I hit my head on the corrugated iron of the roof just above me. We had decided before Edward had left that two taps on the lid would be the signal that the coast was clear, but it terrified me all the same. Alice shimmied her way to the entrance and slipped out as gracefully as she had climbed in. I didn't like the idea of leaving the sanctuary of the ceiling space but the second the top of Alice's spiky head disappeared from view I couldn't have gotten out of there faster. I swung my legs down after her and it wasn't until I was teetering past my point of balance that I remembered my injured arm. Instinctively I reached out to stop myself from falling but it was too late. I fell, my elbow catching on the side of the hole, jarring my shoulder and sending an explosion of white hot pain through the entire right side of my body. I hit the table, hard, but the pain it caused to my legs was nothing compared to the agony that spread through my shoulder.

I crumpled into a whimpering mess on the table top, my hand gripping onto the top of my right arm in a feeble attempt to control the pain that centred there.

Alice swore. Alice never swears.

"Fuck, Bella. Are you okay?" Edward asked as he tried to roll me over. I cried out in pain and pushed him away with my hand. He swore again.

"Is she okay?" I heard Alice ask almost hysterically.

"I don't know."

The initial pain that spread through my side had subsided quickly but the agony in my shoulder would not relent. I felt like someone had taken a hot knife and stabbed it right into my muscle. My breathing was shallow and shaky but I knew we had to move. The pain in my shoulder would be nothing compared to the pain of a bullet.

"We have to go," I grunted through clenched teeth, while I tried weakly to raise my body off of the table top; frustration, fear and embarrassment driving my determination. Once Edward realised what I was trying to do I felt him wrap an arm around my waist as he gently helped me to a sitting position before moving to stand in front of me.

The table was high so he was staring at me directly in the eyes. "Bella are you alright?" he asked firmly, keeping in constant contact with my eyes that were streaming with tears of pain.

"No," I panted. "But we have to get out of here."

"She's right Edward," Alice added from behind his shoulder, tension thick in her voice. "They're going to have to return to the showground. They'll pass back through this way."

"Can you walk?" Edward asked softly, ignoring both mine and Alice's panic.

Had I been in a little less pain I might have rolled my eyes. "Yes," I said briskly.

He returned his arm to my waist and helped me down from the table, steadying me when I swayed.

As we neared the door I felt the chill of the air outside sting at my exposed skin. The rain had picked up and was now coming down in thick sheets. Alice stepped up to the door first, leaning out just far enough so that she could look to both sides of the building before disappearing into the distortion of the rain.

Edward guided me with a hand on my back to follow next and the moment I stepped up to the door I almost decided against it. The rain was hard and steady and miserable. I copied Alice and checked both ways then stepped out into the weather. I moved as fast as I could without causing any extra discomfort towards the trees where I found Alice huddled in tight to the trunk of a large pine. Edward followed very soon after and we set off on our way in the opposite direction to the Showground.

The walk home was horrible and had to have been one of the most miserable experiences of my life so far, and to be honest I'm not sure how I made it. Within minutes the rain had soaked entirely through every inch of my clothing. At first I had been happy for the chill. It had soothed the burn in my shoulder somewhat, but soon the cooling sensation stopped being refreshing and was suddenly intolerable.

The freezing cold droplets ran over every inch of my body like tiny icicles until I was shaking almost uncontrollably. The shaking tore at my shoulder and made me clench my teeth together tighter when they smashed against each other noisily with the force of my tremors.

The rain soaked my hair, weighed down my clothes and sucked away my energy. I felt my head dip lower and lower with the weight until I was only watching Alice's heels as she guided me home. I couldn't understand how the others found the energy but I had to make a huge effort just to push one foot in front of the other. The ground was soft and muddy and only added to the effort required just lifting my foot.

Pain spread through my entire body, starting in my shoulder, then my calves and feet, and then spread up my legs to my knees and my thighs. My back and neck began to ache from the uncomfortable way in which the weight of my clothes and body forced me to bend. Today had been the longest and most emotionally draining day of my life and eventually my body couldn't even find the energy required to shiver. Looking back at it now, I think maybe I was going into a state of hypothermia but at that point nothing in my mind had any reference except for the need to get home.

My head had dropped so low that I couldn't even see Alice's feet anymore, only the muddy ground that passed below my feet but I still knew the second we stepped onto my property. I can't really explain it; I guess when you spend all of your life in one place you grow accustomed to its energy or something. I'm not sure. All I know is that the knowledge that we were close was all that made it possible for me to push one leg ahead of the other.

The fences were the worst. I stumbled and tripped over then but eventually I felt the crunch of gravel below my boots and knew that we had finally made it. I fell into the first pair of arms that embraced me. Emmett's, I discovered when his deep voice rumbled through his chest.

"What's wrong with her?"

"She's exhausted," a soft and raspy velvet voice told him from somewhere behind me.

I felt my body being lifted from the ground then and whimpered pathetically as the pressure pushed on my shoulder.

"Be careful. She fell on her arm again," the voice drifted from somewhere underwater.

"Right," Emmett's chest rumbled.

What happened next was a giant blur. I presume Emmett picked me up and carried me inside because the next thing I knew I was being set down on a cloud that I later realised was my bed.

"I'll take care of it, Emmett," a high pitched voice rang in my ears.

After a deep rumbling acknowledgement his presence in the room disappeared.

"Bella can you hear me?" Rosalie called softly.

All I could offer her was a barely audible "mmm" of confirmation.

"I'm going to get you out of these wet clothes, okay?" She asked, even though she had already started to remove my pants. "Holy shit, you're frozen solid."

A few seconds later I felt the warmth of dry clothes being dragged across my damp skin. She went for my hoodie next but when she tried to pull it off I whimpered as it aggravated my shoulder.

"No," I whimpered. "My shoulder." She stopped immediately, sighing lightly in irritation.

"Bella we have to get you out of these clothes," she pleaded with me but she remained patient.

I heard her sigh softly again before her weight shifted from the bed.

"I'll be back in a moment," she promised. "Try to stay awake, Bella," she said before slipping out the door. Easier said than done I'm afraid. I was already too exhausted to keep my mind functioning without the distraction of her voice or movements, so it seemed like no time had passed at all before I felt her hand shaking my leg furiously. "Bella, you were sleeping!" she scolded me, her voice harsh and deadly serious.

I mumbled an apology which I doubt she could understand as she shifted closer to me and started pulling on my clothes again. Apparently she had left to receive some scissors which she was now using to cut the fabric of the hoodie and t-shirt from my skin. She replaced them with a button down flannel shirt which I presumed she stole from Charlie's closet but didn't bother to push my right arm through the sleeve. Instead she just buttoned the shirt around my arm and torso. After I was finally stripped of my wet clothes she wrapped me up in a thick blanket, folding the edges in around me and tucking them in beneath my body. I somehow found the energy to roll onto my good arm so that I was in the position I usually slept in but by this point I couldn't really tell if I was conscious still or not. Either way, Rosalie made no move to keep me awake anymore.

A soft tap on the door reached my ears and held my attention for a few seconds longer.

"Come in," I heard Rosalie whisper from somewhere near my feet.

What followed was a voice I was very accustomed to at this level of consciousness. A voice of angelic velvet that ran constantly through my dreams.

"Is she okay?" he asked in an equally quiet whisper.

"I think so," Rosalie responded to him, the concern and worry was evident in the strain of her voice. "Her skin is like ice, but she doesn't shiver. That worries me."

I heard soft footsteps then the bed shifted as Edward sat down beside me.

"Me too."

There was a silence for a few moments where I think I slipped back into unconsciousness again before Rosalie's hushed whisper floated through my semi unconscious state.

"Look, I don't want to leave her but I have to take over from Emmett. He's been out there for hours and you three are all exhausted.

I wanted to tell them to go, that I would be fine. All I wanted was sleep. Nothing else mattered anymore.

"I'll stay with her," Edward stated, rather strongly.

"Edward you're exhausted too, I'll wake Angela and she can watch over her until I've finished my rotation," Rosalie argued.

"I'm fine, really," he stated confidently, though his voice was rough and drained. He was tired, it was obvious.

"Promise me you'll sleep," she pleaded.

"I will Rose, I promise."

She sighed and drifted silently from the room, closing the door with a slight click behind her. Silence followed, deep and heavy. The only sound that registered was my laboured breathing. It was the strangest state to be in. I was beyond the point of exhaustion, completely worn out and incapacitated, yet I wasn't fully asleep either. The slight buzz of electricity tickling at my skin was holding me to the small amount of consciousness I had left. Then I heard the strangest noise – a light sigh and a mumbled voice, incoherent and heavy.

"Edward," the voice breathed. It sounded like me.

"Shh, Bella," his soft voice soothed from beside me suddenly. A warm hand that felt amazing against my frozen skin brushed across my hair and down my cheek. "I'm right here, you can sleep now."

"Don't go," I slurred again. This time I was slightly aware of my words as they left my mouth.

"I'm not going anywhere," he whispered, repeating the caressing of my cheek with his warm hand.

His gentle touch and the low soft melody of his hum was the last thing I remembered as I finally succumbed to the silence of the deepest sleep I had ever had. I was spent – physically and emotionally. The past twenty-four hours had been the hardest of my life, an emotional rollercoaster that had pushed me to my limits.

Sleep was good, but not as good as it should have been. I woke slowly, I've never been a morning person. Usually I wake up groggy and slow, today I woke up dead. I was stiff and sore, the ache radiating from every muscle in my worn out body. My head throbbed painfully in my ears and behind my eyes. Instinctively I rolled onto my back in attempt to stretch out the painful kinks and knots but the air was suddenly sucked from my chest as a stabbing pain ripped through my right side, with it came a flood of memories from the night before.

Darkness, terror, guns, bullets, soldiers, agony, rain, cold, Edward...

I froze, panting slightly from the pain and let my eyes creep open. The room was dim, the curtains still drawn close but even then the small amount of light made my head pound harder. I squinted against the discomfort and turned my head to the left, my heart sinking when I found the bed beside me empty.

Of course he didn't stay. Why would he? I was stupid to hope. I'd probably imagined the whole thing anyway.

I wanted nothing more that to close my eyes and drift back to the comfortable, pain free world of sleep but my bladder suddenly commanded all of my attention.

Groaning, I slowly stretched all of my body – starting with my toes and working my way up to my neck, carefully avoiding my right shoulder.

I was stiff all over and presumed that I hadn't moved in a very long time. Very slowly I crawled my way out of my bed, doing my best to ignore the throbbing pain as my shoulder and head protested to the movement.

I could hear voices coming from the living area as I entered the hallway but I ignored them and headed straight for the bathroom. I bypassed the mirror quickly, knowing that what I was going to see in there would look like shit and allowing myself to deal to it later.

After relieving myself I was happy to find that someone had left a bucket of water beside the bowl so I used it to fill the system at the top and flush. Ah, how good it was to flush a toilet again.

The sight I found in the mirror when I finally made my way over there was worse than I had expected. My eyes were red and bloodshot, even the brown seemed dull and colourless which matched well with the deep shadows underneath them. My cheeks were flushed a deep red that went all the way down my face and neck to the top of my chest. Across the right side of my forehead was a small gash that I assumed had happened as we fled the showground, probably caused from a shattering windscreen or a low hanging branch or stick. My lips were dry and cracked, I licked them and they stung bitterly. My hair was by far the worst though; one side was straggly, windblown and stuck out on awkward angles. The other side stuck up almost vertical and was a tangled mess of knots and dreads. Apparently I _had_ moved around a lot in my sleep.

I dragged my fingers through it, attempting to smooth down some of the chaos, but making very little difference. After a few minutes of combing and pulling I sighed, defeated and turned on my reflection, sliding my back down the cabinet until my butt hit the tile floor.

I bent my throbbing head onto my knees and closed my eyes. Being back in this house was harder than I had ever thought, knowing what we now knew. Something about it was wrong and eerie. It no longer felt like my home anymore. I felt like a visitor in my own life. The subtle stench of decay from the fridge even made the whole house smell rotten. There was no laughter here anymore, only sadness, fear and emptiness. I missed my parents like crazy, and I never thought I would ever say that. You take them for granted so much when you're a teenager, they're more like a hindrance than anything else. You don't realise how much you need them until they're gone.

Somewhere during the wallowing in my own self pity I must have drifted off and was awoken by a gentle shake of my good shoulder and a soft voice calling my name. My head snapped up quickly, almost colliding with the cabinet behind me and I came face to face with the deep emerald green eyes that were constantly on my thoughts.

"Edward," I cried out in a husky voice, my throat rasping painfully as I spoke. My heart rate picking up in response to his surprise appearance, or perhaps it was just his presence entirely, I wasn't sure which. He was crouched in front of me so that he was slightly above eye level, his hand still holding my shoulder softly. One side of his lips pulled up into a breathtaking grin.

"I leave for half an hour and I find you unconscious on the bathroom floor," he laughed humourlessly. "What am I going to do with you?" He closed his eyes and shook his head slowly.

"You left?" I questioned, confused.

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that, but it was your turn on sentry and I wouldn't let them wake you so I had to take your shift. I managed to bribe Jasper into finishing it off for me though," he explained, misinterpreting my question.

"You stayed?" I tried to clarify, still fighting my drowsy stupidity. His eyebrows pulled together slightly.

"You asked me to," he said, his tone slightly defensive. I realised he had misread my shock as accusing.

"I know," I amended quickly, "Thank you."

His smile returned then, relief clear on his features and I smiled a little in response.

"Did you really think I would have left you?" He asked, possibly a little hurt, or concerned, I couldn't tell. His smile faltered again as his eyes scanned all over my appearance. I cringed both internally and externally. "You tossed and turned and shivered for hours, and your breathing was so... wrong. There was no way that I was leaving you like that."

"I'm sorry," I apologised - for what I was unsure, but it seemed like the right thing to do. "Have you slept at all?" I asked, noticing the shadows under his mesmerising eyes for the first time, purple and bruise-like, they were dark like mine but detracted nothing away from his beauty.

"Enough," he shrugged, turning his face away slightly, a dead giveaway that he was hiding something.

"You look tired," I told pointed out.

"So do you." He said turning back to me.

"A little, I guess," I lied, I was exhausted.

"I'll be fine," he said casually. "How about you? Are you feeling okay?" His eyes scanned my appearance again, pausing noticeably on the cut on my forehead before returning to meet my gaze with a penetrating stare. "Please don't lie to me." His tone and his eyes both emphasised his request and I was a little hurt that he was accusing me of lying, despite the fact that I was.

"I've felt better," I admitted. "It's no big deal."

"You're one tough little soldier," he teased, though his tone was serious and concerned still. "This cut is quite deep though," he noted, reaching up and cupping the side of my face in his palm, burying his fingers in my hair while his thumb skimmed lightly over the skin under the wound. His strange electricity zinged through me at his touch and my breath hitched a little. I guess I should have been used to it by now but something told me that Edward Mason wasn't someone you easily got used to.

Edward's breath hitched at the same time that mine did, his eyes widening in shock.

"Bella, you're on fire!" He exclaimed, turning his hand over and holding it to my forehead. That explained my flushed face of course, I rolled my eyes. Only Bella Swan would be caught in the middle of an invasion with a fever.

Edward was on his feet in an instant. He moved gracefully without a hint of effort, rising to a stand so that he towered over me.

"Come on, we need to get some fluids into you," he said before offering me his hand.

I placed my hand in his and he carefully lifted me to my feet. I wasn't in the mood for a fight and the physical contact was far too alluring an opportunity to turn down. He pulled me up slowly but I was still hit by a wave of vertigo and swayed heavily. He gripped my hand tighter and pulled me towards him so that I could lean into his side then took his hand from mine and wrapped it around my waist.

He held me close to his side as we walked down the hall towards the others. My insides were giddy, both from the fever induced vertigo and the contact. Thankfully my facial muscles were too exhausted to break out in the idiotic smile that I knew they wanted to. We found the others in the dining room. Emmett and Jasper were in the middle of what looked like a one sided poker game. Jasper had his poker face on securely as he faced Emmett who was staring at him with a murderous glare and was turning red with frustration.

Edward led me over to the table and I took a seat beside Alice who was seated at Jaspers side. I thought that I looked like crap but Alice was some tough competition. Her hair was ruffled and sticking up in strange angles like mine, matted together from the wind and the rain. Her face was pale and sweaty but her nose was red and swollen. She looked like death warmed up and I envied the thick blanket she had wrapped around her slumped shoulders.

"I think this might be the first time since kindergarten that I've seen you without your hair done," I told her in a pitiful yet playful voice.

She groaned and hid her face. "Don't remind me," she moaned into the blanket. "I don't think I could tame it even if you did have all the necessary tools here, which you don't by the way. I looked."

I laughed unenergetically, as she grabbed a tissue from the box beside her and wiped her nose softly, making a face like she was using sandpaper rather than soft tissue before discarding it in the large pile of used tissues in front of her.

I noticed Jaspers facade brake temporarily, his eyes turning to Alice as he smiled sympathetically and stroked her back with the hand he wasn't holding his cards in.

"I really don't know how you two did it, Alice. I almost didn't make it back last night. If you and Edward weren't there I think I'd still be holed up in that ceiling right now," I told her, stealing a tissue from the box and whipping my nose which was beginning to gush.

She turned to me then, her perfectly sculpted brows furrowing in confusion. "I didn't make it. I couldn't. Edward had to carry me most of the way home," she said, a little timidly. "You didn't notice?"

I shook my head. "Not at all. I thought that I was following you the whole way." I raised my head to see Edward in the kitchen with Angela who was busy emptying the pantry and fridge, a lot like how I had at Emmett's place. "I didn't realise Edward knew the way."

Alice's perfectly sculpted eyebrows dipped even lower and pulled together in the middle, her head tilting to the side as she stared at me like I was growing an extra eye.

"He didn't," she said slowly. "We followed you."

My mouth dropped open as I stared at her in disbelief.

"You what?"

"We followed you. You don't remember?" She questioned with an expression that most likely mirrored my own.

I shook my head very slowly. "I guess I was kinda out of it."

"Woah, weird," Alice breathed.

I was about to agree when a sudden shout from Emmett made us both jump in our seats.

"Fuck you, Jasper," he yelled, standing up and throwing his cards in Jaspers very smug looking face before storming out of the room, stomping his feet for extra childish effect.

Jasper laughed and started clearing up the scattered deck. "Goddamn sore loser," he mumbled under his breath.

Edward returned then, a large glass of water in one hand and a bowl of cold spaghetti in the other. Cold spaghetti was my favourite, Alice had always said it was weird but I preferred it over hot. I wondered if Edward had actually retained that information over the years or if this was just a coincidence.

"Eat," he commanded, as he pulled a blanket around my shoulders and took the seat on the other side of me, pushing my cup and plate closer.

"Yes sir," I grinned, holding up my hand to salute before downing almost the entire glass of water in one gulp. The water soothed my throat but most of the way through the glass I started to cough, dry and chesty, it ripped at my lungs and throat making my eyes water a little. I managed to stop the water from shooting out of my mouth and nose but when I looked up Edward and Alice were both looking at me with concern plastered all over their faces.

"Guys, it's just a cough," I complained, clearing my throat briefly. "I'm not dying. Where's Rose?" I asked in attempt to distract them. I had been meaning to thank her for last night, even though she had destroyed my clothes. Now just seemed like a really good time to do it before Alice and Edward strapped me to a gurney.

"On sentry duty," Edward commented, only half distracted by my question. He still eyed me wearily.

I remembered him mentioning it earlier but had been too distracted to ask any questions.

"Since when do we have a sentry?"

"Orders of Sergeant Emmett," Alice told me, "but to be honest it's a smart idea."

"Since when does Emmett come up with smart ideas?" I exclaimed. Emmett had changed so much over the last few days that I barely recognised him anymore. He had become a far cry from the immature, carefree, teachers-worst-nightmare Emmett that we had grown to love. Then again, after his tantrum with Jasper just now - maybe he hadn't changed as much as I thought.

Alice just laughed and shrugged.

"That's General Emmett to you, Alice," Emmett said as he strode into the room looking as smug as Jasper had when he had left. "As for you Isabella Swan, it is a smart idea because I came up with it. Now sharpen up kids, we're having a family meeting. Can somebody go get Rosie from outside, we all need to be here for this. She can keep watch from the window."

"I'll go," Angela said, putting down the dish cloth and wiping her hands on a tea towel before disappearing out of the front door.

"What's all this about, Emmett?" Rosalie asked as she emerged with Angela a few moments later, taking her position by the window so that she could see the road. "I hope you realise you're interrupting my tan."

Emmett grinned at her for a moment and then became immediately serious.

"I thought we should discuss what happened last night before we plan our next move," he said, getting straight to the point in a very business-like tone. "Edward has already filled us in on some of the minor details about what went down with you guys, so how about you fill us all in on the rest first," he probed.

Alice, Edward and I all exchanged a glance, both their eyes falling on me so I assumed that I had been nominated as group spokesperson.

"Um, okay..." I began, "Well I guess our night started at the Cullens," I peeked quickly at the other two to make sure that they were okay with me telling this part of the story. They both looked glum but neither looked like they objected so I continued. I told the other group about the state that we had found the Cullens' home in. They all seemed pretty shaken up at the fact that the house had already been done over. Most were concerned about Alice and Edward, except Emmett who looked murderous. I told them about the walk to the showground, and about the passing Ute. When I got to the bit about the showground everyone started firing strings of questions at me. I looked to Alice and Edward for help but they hadn't seen much more than I had. Edward thought that there had been at least twenty armed guards patrolling the showground and probably dozens more sleeping in the large tents. He also told us that it had been the two guards patrolling the perimeter near us who had spotted us and put up the call. Next, I told them about how we had escaped the school and Emmett and Edward both commended me on my quick thinking, but I just shrugged it off.

I didn't want to be a hero, I just wanted to be alive.

**A/N - Hope that wasn't disappointing. Things are about to get hectic. Thanks for the review. I'd really like some more :) Please and thank you!**


	12. Chapter 11 Survivalism

**A/N - Next chap guys. I'm going for weekly updates but I loose track of time a lot. I've got about another 15 chapters complete so reviews will definately make this whole thing go a lot faster. Hint, hint :)**

_CHAPTER ELEVEN **Survivalism**_

_You're a stranger _

_So what do I care _

_You vanish today _

_Not the first time I hear _

_All the lies _

_What am I to do with all this silence _

_Shy away, shy away phantom _

_Run away terrified child _

_Won't you move away you fucking tornado_

_I'm better off without you_

_Tearing my will down_

_(A Stranger – A Perfect Circle)_

The others trip had started out a lot like ours. They were nervous as hell but managed to make it to Angela's without a hitch. Like everybody else's, Angela's house had been empty, abandoned and untouched. Being so close to town made them all nervous and after Angela had thrown some personal items into a backpack they had continued on. The Hale's house was on the opposite side of town but going straight there would be too dangerous. They devised a route which took them around the outskirts of town and past the cemetery. This would be the riskiest part of the trip as we were all completely clueless about how heavily manned Forks would be. They moved slowly, cautiously – taking everything in.

"The streets were pretty messed up," Emmett explained. There were quite a few car wrecks around. I guess the people who weren't at the show had tried to get the fuck out of here when they realised what was going on. It looked like most of them got gunned down," he said, lowering his gaze to the table and running his index finger up and down the grain line uncomfortably. "I don't think they would have taken many alive. Those cars were littered with bullet holes. They weren't taking any chances," he finished, his voice losing all volume as he ended. Jazz leaned over and gave him a swift pat on the back and Emmett took a deep breath and continued.

"We made it about halfway before we found any trouble. We thought we were being careful, but we weren't being careful enough. They have patrols, groups of about eight armed men on foot. We almost ran right into the first one we met. They looked pretty amateur though, a couple of them wouldn't have been much older than us. They looked pretty nervous too, which I suppose would make them more dangerous to us. It'd be shoot first and ask questions later with these guys. We hid out for a while until they had some distance on us before we moved on. They were travelling pretty slowly though so it took some time. We had to stop once more before we got to Rosie's though. An armoured jeep, loaded up with guys and guns crossed our path only half a block ahead of us to. They were moving like they had somewhere to be though so we were fairly safe on that one.

We saw that someone had raided Rose and Jazz's house as well. It's a nice area so we weren't that surprised, but from what we could see they'd done over most of the street. It was getting late, or early, or whatever at that point so we high tailed it out of there pretty quick but we didn't get very far. We were only about three blocks away, halfway down Columbus St when we saw another patrol heading straight for us. The only reason we knew that they were there was because of the reflection off of their guns and we were pretty fucked at that point. We were at the back of that small ass shopping centre a block over and there's nowhere to take cover back there. The other side of the street is just a giant soccer field that's pretty barren and would have given us no cover whatsoever. We woulda been like sitting ducks out there. Anyway, we started backtracking pretty fucking quickly, but these guys weren't like the others, they knew exactly what they were doing. Any second and we were about to be spotted when suddenly the back of this damn shop flung open and I swear I damn near crapped my pants. Anyway, we're all sitting here now so you know that it wasn't a soldier with a big ass gun standing in the doorway about to blow our heads off. It was Mr Crowley, and I swear I've never been happier to see that ugly mugs face in my entire life."

Mr Crowley was the bank manger at the only bank in town and Emmett wasn't being sarcastic when he said he was ugly. I'd met him a few times, in a small town like Forks it's hard not to meet everyone at one time or another. Charlie and Renee had gotten out a few loans from him to go towards the farm over the years. He drove a huge shiny black BMW that didn't suit him at all. Charlie had told me once that Mr Crowley used to be pretty high up in the Army, a Sergeant or something, but one day he'd just up and left without an explanation to anyone. Moving to Forks he got into banking, but I'm certain from the constant aggravated look on his disfigured features that he had hated every minute of it. I guess that the scars that covered most of his face had something to do with his time in the army but Charlie didn't know anything else. To be honest I wasn't surprised that Mr Crowley had escaped from being captured at the showground. The fact that he had hung around and even risked his life for some teenagers did though.

"We managed to get our asses inside on time, but damn it was close," Emmett continued. "These guys didn't mess around, even their posture was intimidating. You could tell just by the way they held their guns that they knew exactly what they were doing. Unlike the other patrol these guys kept in formation and I swear they didn't make a goddamn sound.

We sat in the back of the stinky ass shop for ages before anyone had the balls to speak, and even though Mr Crowley had just saved our backsides he was really keen for us to get us the hell out of there. We told him we weren't budging until he talked to us and eventually he gave in. He told us what you guys had already found out – that they had captured most of the town and were keeping them locked up at the showground, but he also confirmed that there were quite a few people like us running free around the district. A few of them had been causing quite a ruckus, attacking patrols and shit. He guessed that that was the reason why they had positioned more soldiers in the region, especially more of the professional guys who apparently were who we had just ran into. He also said he would bet his left nut that they were using Port Angeles as a base for their supply ships to dock, that's why they've hit Forks so hard, were main thoroughfare for Seattle and other major cities. He didn't really know much else and when we asked him about where he was hiding he threw us swiftly out on our asses, and here we are, "he finished, gazing around the table at everyone. "Now we just have to decide what to do next."

We came up with a few ideas and argued about it a bit but in the end we all decided we needed time to think all of our shit through, so we all dispersed in quiet contemplation. Alice and I took our tissues and blankets off to my room to deal to the carnage that was my hair.

"So, would you care to tell me what's going on with you and Edward?" Alice asked firmly as I sat in front of her on my bed and she dragged a hairbrush through my matted hair.

"What do you mean?" I asked, faking innocence and planning my escape route.

As if reading my mind Alice took a large handful of my hair to illustrate that there was no escape for me, she had me trapped.

"You know exactly what I mean, stop playing dumb. It's insulting," she complained, only a slight hint of anger pulling at her light tone.

I sighed, dropping my shoulders in defeat. "Nothing Alice, really that's the honest truth. We'll never be anything more than friends."

I heard Alice growl in frustration from behind me and tug the hair brush through my hair a little harder than necessary. "You can honestly be telling me you don't like each other, because that's total bullshit and we both know it."

"He incapacitates my intelligence," I mumbled childishly, thinking of the constant way he made me completely lost for words or mumble like an idiot.

"What?"

"Nothing, it doesn't matter," I shrugged.

"You didn't answer my question," she warned in a stern voice, pulling the brush through my hair with another firm and painful stroke.

"Of course I like him," I defended softly, rubbing the back of my head where she had pulled on my hair and being silently glad that we weren't having this conversation face to face. "I like him a lot. But that doesn't mean that he like me back. I mean, just look at him! He's so far out of my league that we practically live in different universes."

"You know you're an idiot if you think that's true," she scowled.

"Well call me stupid then."

"Bella, you're impossible sometimes, did you know that?" she grumbled, resuming gentler strokes of my hair. "You are an amazing person and believe me when I say that Edward thinks so too. You don't see the way he looks at you, or the way you both seem to gravitate towards each other. I felt the same way about Jasper at the start. Never in a million years did I think that he would feel the same way about me as I did about him. But do you know what I worked out? Guys never know what they want, you have to show them."

I laughed, and rolled my eyes. "I'm not exactly the flirting type, Alice. You know that."

"No shit," she laughed along with me. "But maybe it wouldn't hurt to just let your feelings show a little bit more, you know. Maybe it'll encourage him to show you his."

"That's assuming that he has any feelings for me at all," I pointed out. "Besides, I really don't want to make him feel uncomfortable around me. That'd be horrible."

"Trust me Bella, he won't. He's been through a lot, and I'm confident that he's just being cautious. Give him a chance and you'll see."

Alice was right, he had been through a lot, and now we were stuck in this war and everything had become a thousand times more complicated. I agreed, but I wasn't sure if I was even going to go through with it. To be honest I wasn't sure if either of us were emotionally ready for anything at the moment. Alice seemed satisfied though and I was actually glad that I had someone to talk to about it.

It had taken quite a bit of debate but we were finally in agreement. Hell was where we all wanted to be. Hell was our sanctuary.

We all needed time to clear our heads and work through all of our shit before we could even think about any form of retaliation - it wasn't even a real possibility for us at the moment. The thought was kind of terrifying and we all felt it. We weren't soldiers, we teenagers – what did we know about fighting a war. So, we started writing a list. We knew we were going to need supplies, what we didn't know was how much. We had no idea how long we were going to have to be in Hell and even though the idea terrified us all, we decided to plan long term.

The list took about two hours to compile and by the time we had finished it covered almost four sides of A4 paper and had almost as many scribbles as items, two hundred and seventeen – I counted. It covered all kinds of things; food – obviously, mainly rice, noodles, canned fruit and vegetables, jams, biscuits, cheese and other non perishable foods. Emmett looked a bit depressed when he realised what a vegetarian he was about to become. We decided to raid the chook sheds and when we got settled a little we said we would return and take a few chickens back down to Hell with us. Clothing was second on the list; we made a point that everything had to be dark for camouflage. We also had to make sure we had enough warm clothes in case we were in Hell for a while, as Forks wasn't exactly known for its tropical climate. Alice, naturally, hated the idea and I was pretty damn sure I'd have to raid her bag and make sure she didn't sneak in extras – like heels. Next came all the little things, small every day things that we totally take for granted – soap, dishwashing liquid and brushes, shampoo, toothpaste, pens, paper, pots and pans, oil, matches, lighters, lighter fluid, maps of the district, compasses, torches, batteries, more books, bottles and containers, disinfectant, deodorant, a radio, insect repellent, gas, gas tanks, first aid supplies, razors, tampons, packs of cards, more blankets, pillows, toilet paper, cameras, binoculars, candles, sun block, Jasper's gat, family photos...

We had to draw the line at some things; we just didn't have the room. Emmett kept trying to sneak extra things on, the most important seemed to be condoms but as soon as he wrote them down Rosalie would cross them out and scowl at him.

We still had quite a lot of stuff in the Landrover but they were only supplies for five days so it would all have to be sorted through again and re-organised. It was obvious that all of the supplies plus the seven of us weren't going to fit in though.

"We could make two trips?" Alice suggested.

"It'd take too long," Edward disagreed quickly as he stood leaning back against the door frame, his hands crossed over his chest. "Whoever took the first load would have to unpack everything before coming all the way back. It'd be sunrise before we could even make a second trip."

"What if we take my truck as well?" I suggested after a moment. Charlie had handed me down the family truck as a 'well done' for passing my licence a year ago. It wasn't anything flash, and it had been in my family for longer than I had. Charlie's dad had passed it down to him when he was a teenager. It was old and slow and sturdy and tough, but most importantly it could carry a hell of a lot of gear.

I felt a twinge of excitement at the idea. I loved my truck, in all its rusted and dented glory. Had it been big enough to fit all seven of us I would have taken it up to Hell the first time. The fact that I could hide it up at Tailor's now made me almost giddy. That truck held more sentimental value to me than anything else I owned. Every inch had a story or memory attached to it and the last thing that I wanted was for these invaders to get their filthy hands on it.

"That thing still goes?" Emmett groaned, rolling his eyes. Emmett hated my truck, and because my truck couldn't defend itself, I had to.

"Yes. It still goes," I growled at him through my teeth, "and it would absolutely trample your jeep any day. Have some respect for your elders."

Emmett laughed, throwing his head back to exaggerate his point. "Ha! You'd have to catch me first."

I shook my head and turned away, addressing the rest of the group and ignoring Emmett. "It's the best option, its right here so we wouldn't have to go anywhere to pick it up. Plus the deck can carry a lot of gear and it's even got a full tank of gas."

The others agreed and I offered Emmett a smugly victorious grin before childishly poking my tongue out at him.

"Alright, alright, whatever. Take the piece of crap then, but I'm not driving it," Emmett grumbled.

"I wouldn't have let you anyway."

"What are we going to do about weapons?" Edward asked interrupting mine and Emmett's childish spat and bringing the conversation back to a very serious note. "We'd be stupid not to take them."

Silence ensued as everyone suddenly became a lot tenser.

"Yeah, you're right. It would be stupid. But alternatively they would be a lot less inclined to kill us if we were unarmed than if we were firing a few mug shots in their general direction," Emmett mused out loud.

"Since when do you say big words like alternatively and inclined?" I stated in shock. The transformation in Emmett was becoming unbelievable. Of course it had to take something like war to make Emmett finally grow the hell up.

Emmett cracked a brief smile which I could tell he was trying to hide.

"Since now."

"Oh right."

"Guns?" Edward interrupted once more.

"Yeah, well. I say we take them and then decide to what extent we're going to use them later," Emmett suggested. "Everyone agreed?" There was a general murmur of agreement around the table so Emmett continued. "Right well there's a few rifles at our place. A .22 and a really nice .308, as well as Dad's shotty. Plenty of ammo for the .22 and shotgun but not so much for the .308. Maybe only a box or two."

Charlie had a few rifles hidden in a gun safe in his closet so we added them to the list next. Between the rest of us we didn't come up with much. Carlisle kept a rifle or two from some of his adventures around the world. They were merely for show but we were pretty confident they would still go if we could find some ammo for them. Angela's parents didn't have any guns and Rose and Jasper's place was too far away for another trip so we would just have to make do with what we had and what we could find at neighbouring houses.

"So I presume we're splitting up into groups again for this?" Rose asked a little anxiously after all firearms had been accounted for and listed.

"We'll never get it all done tonight if we don't, babe," Emmett reasoned with her. "How about you and me pack up my place, aye?"

Rose agreed and seemed a little happier.

"Our place will probably take the most time, so how about me, Jazz and Angela go," Alice offered before turning quickly to Edward. "That is unless you want to?"

He shook his head once. "I've got all I need from there. You three go, I'll stay with Bella."

My pulse raced a little at his suggestion and I had to fight a smile once more. Edward wanted to stay with me. My inner teenage girl was screaming and jumping up and down in delight. I didn't miss the 'I told you so' smile that Alice flashed my way either.

"This place is pretty much packed. Maybe we could check out the Barlow's down the road as well," I suggested calmly without showing a hint of my excitement... I hope.

"Yeah sounds like a good idea," Edward smiled softly in my direction, the skin of his cheek dimpling slightly as his lips curved into a soft crooked smile; effectively rendering my brain obsolete.

The sun was well and truly set by this point so we had to get a move on. We decided to take a big calculated risk by letting Emmett and Rosalie drive the Landie back to Emmett's place while Jasper, Alice and Angela would take my truck back to the Cullen's. It would simply be too hard to carry the amount of gear we would be carrying back by hand and Emmett and Alice's houses were both close enough to mine that the risk would be rather low – we hoped.

Like always, we said our goodbyes and hugged and wished each other luck before Alice, Jasper, Rose, Emmett and Angela slipped out into the darkness leaving Edward and me alone. We wasted no time after the other's left. It was only a few hours before midnight and we wanted to be over Tailor's and on our way into Hell before the sun rose. We piled up blankets and pillows as well as all the supplies from the kitchen that had already been sorted. I wandered around, picking things out of drawers and loading things into bags while Edward worked on the shed, every now and then poking his head in to ask me where abouts something was kept.

I did one last sweep of the house making sure I hadn't forgotten anything when I was done before heading off to Charlie's wardrobe. Sitting down, cross-legged in front of the large metal cabinet I felt a little apprehensive about it. Charlie trusted me enough to let me know where the key to the safe was kept. That was the sort of relationship I had with my parents, they trusted me to do the right thing, I just didn't know how they would feel about what I might be about to do with these guns.

I sat there for quite a while, lost in thought as my hand grazed over the cold metal of one of the gun barrels. I was almost eighteen - another three months and I would legally be an adult. People treat you differently when you get to that age. You finally gain your independence, you could finally choose your own path in life. But with this new found sovereignty came a whirlwind of responsibility. Big choices mean big changes and only then could you really be held accountable for your actions and have to live with the consequences of these choices. We had all been forced to grow up way too fast. No seventeen year old should ever have to weigh the pros and cons of taking a life, none of us were ready for that. Come to think of it – I don't think anyone ever is. Sometimes childhood is so much easier. Ignorance is bliss after all.

My rambling mind was suddenly cut off by a soft noise to my left and my head whipped around to find Edward standing in the doorway leaning casually against the frame.

"You scared me," I breathed, holding my hand over my racing heart.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to," he apologised, taking a few steps into the room towards me. "You just seemed...distracted, I didn't want to interrupt."

I blushed a little and smiled timidly. "I was just... thinking."

"About what?" he probed, taking a seat beside me on the floor.

I shrugged, nonchalantly. "Just life and how damn complicated it's become."

He laughed once without humour. "You can say that again. Anything you would like to share? I'd love to know what goes on in that head of yours."

I smiled at his intense gaze, my smile falling almost as quickly as it had risen. "Do you think you can do it?" I asked him in a small voice. "Take someone's life, I mean."

He turned away from me then, his gaze fixating on the rifles in front of us like mine had been seconds ago.

"Yeah, I guess I could," he said evenly after a few moments of heavy silence.

"Really?" I asked astonished.

He nodded once, his brows pulling together as though he was struggling with it despite his declaration.

"Yeah. I mean, _they_ came here. That was _their_ choice. _We_ didn't get a choice in any of this. They knew what they were getting into the moment the stepped onto our land. I guess what I'm trying to say is that if it came down to us or them..." he paused but he didn't need to continue. I already understood.

There was a bit of a heavy silence while we both sat in quiet contemplation, both staring at the seemingly insignificant object in front of us that could do so much damage, not only physically but emotionally as well.

"I've lost too many people I really care about to see another die in front of my eyes," Edward carried on in a low voice after a few moments. "I couldn't have that happen again and just sit back and do nothing. I wouldn't be able to live with myself. So if it came down to us or them, I'd do everything in my power to protect the people that I care about, even if it means sacrificing these peoples' lives for ours."

"Our whole lives we've been told that killing is wrong, and I still believe in my heart that it is but everything's different now," I sighed.

"There's a big difference between murdering in cold blood and taking a life, Bella," he countered.

I nodded, because it was true. "Out here that line can become so blurred though. I wonder if I could look Charlie and Renee in the eye again and feel right about the things I've done if it comes to that."

"Bella," he said suddenly, turning his entire body to face me and locking his eyes with mine. "Your parents will always be proud of you, no matter what. Because I know that you will always do the right thing, and if I know that then they sure as hell should. You're a good person, Bella. Never forget that."

I was shocked by his sudden burst of emotion and didn't really know how to respond. His words and his eyes were both leaving me speechless. Slowly his gaze began to fall from mine as he spoke again.

"I've done some fucked up things in my life Bella, things that I'm really not proud of. And I know my parents are forgiving people, I just don't think I deserve to be forgiven for some of the things I've done," his voice cracked a little when he mentioned his parents and my hand automatically shot out towards his as it lay in his lap. I squeezed it once without even thinking and this seemed to encourage him to go on. "But I know that protecting all of us, protecting you, is something that my parents would be proud of. I know that if I do that, even if I die in the process, that when I see them again I won't be ashamed of who I was, or am, or whatever. Maybe then I can forgive myself."

"Edward," I half whispered but he never lifted his eyes. Instead I leaned down, bending my head so that our gazes met. "I think your parents are already proud of you."

The side of his mouth pulled up into a sad smile as he snorted lightly through his nose. "I don't think so Bella, but it's nice to know that you believe in me."

"Those things you did in Seattle," I started, and I saw sadness and anger filling his eyes instantly. "You were grieving. You didn't hurt anyone but yourself. Plus, everyone deserves a second chance."

His eyes moved away from mine again, hard and tormented he glared down at the carpet. I was instantly afraid that I had said something to upset him. "You don't even know half of it." He growled, and I was taken aback by the sudden harshness in his voice.

"I would really like to," I continued, my voice as weak as his was harsh.

He shook his head and still refused to make eye contact. "You may, but I don't want you to."

I took my hand back from his, I had upset him. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I wanted to apologise but wasn't quite sure what I was apologising for; that, and I was afraid it might anger him further. Instead I just sat there stupidly as he grumbled something about leaving for the Barlow's and needing to finish the shed, before rising from our position and slipping quickly out of the door leaving me behind, repentant and confused.

**A/N - Pleeeeeeeeeeease review. (This is me begging. Oh the shame.)**


	13. 12 Only The Dead Have Seen The End Of Wa

**A/N - For Letitdie. She made my day :)**

_CHAPTER TWELVE Only The Dead Have Seen The End Of War_

_The universe is hostile,_

_So impersonal,_

_Devour to survive,_

_So it is, so it's always been._

_We all feed,_

_On tragedy,_

_It's like blood to a vampire..._

_Vicariously I,_

_Live while the whole world dies._

_Much better you than I_

_(Vicarious – Tool)_

I felt the tears begin to prickle in my eyes as he left. I don't know why he got to me so much but I wanted to kick myself and shove my foot far into my mouth. I spent the next ten minutes unloading the guns from the cabinet and counting up all the ammo to distract myself. Two rifles – a .22 and a .222 as well as sixty five rounds for each and an additional three boxes for the .22 which we would be able to use in Emmett's Dad's gun as well.

I piled the ammo into Charlie's ammo case, slung the .22 on my back by the strap and walked out into the living room to deposit them with the rest of the gear. Edward was already there, stood in front of the large lounge window, his arms folded across his chest and his back turned to me. I walked softly across the carpet to where all the gear was packed up in one heaping mound, half hoping that Edward wouldn't hear me at all, and put the .222 and the ammo case down. He didn't flinch and I stood nervously trying to decide what to do next. Almost as silently I shuffled my way over to the front door, turning the knob which clicked as the catch slipped back, I paused.

"Edward?" I asked timidly, taking a step towards him and away from the door with caution. His posture seemed more relaxed now but I wasn't sure if he had forgiven me for angering him earlier.

"Has it always been so light out there?" He asked, raising his hand and tapping his finger on the window, pointing in the direction of town. His voice was even and friendly with just a hint of curiosity. I felt my body relax instantly and followed his gaze, there was something definitely different about the sky tonight. A distinct glow illuminated the horizon right over Forks, the same glow that I had become used to before the invasion. There was no way that only the showground lights could cause that much of an effect on the night sky.

"More fires?" I guessed, feeling a distinct hit of dread at the prospect but at the same time a heaping load of relief at the fact that he was talking to me again.

He shook his head slowly his eyes still fixed ahead. "I don't think so, the lights too clear, there's no smoke – not that we'd see it anyway – but there would be an orange glow, it's definitely artificial."

"What does that mean, they've turned the lights back on?" My eyes quickly scanned the room for some indicator that we had power again but nothing caught my attention. The digital clock on the DVD player, the microwave; both remained dark.

"I guess, I don't understand why though. Darkness allows them to stay camouflaged. With the lights on they would be susceptible to counter attacks from our side," he thought aloud, subconsciously running his hand through his rugged hair.

"Unless they feel confident enough that there won't be a counter attack," I pointed out quietly, the sinking feeling in my stomach returning just like the first day. "Perhaps it's too late already."

"Don't think like that, Bella," he said, turning his gaze away from the window towards me. "Hope is about the only thing we've got going for us at the moment," he turned his back on the window, "Come on, let's get this over with so that we can get back to the others."

I nodded, a little confused. It seemed that I had been forgiven, maybe... I wasn't too sure. His mood swing was giving me whiplash. Furrowing my brows I walked over to the large pile of gear in the middle of the lounge floor. I pulled on the strap of the rifle, removing it from my back but I hesitated before I put it down.

"Do you think that we should take it?" I asked unsurely. I preferred to think that we didn't need the gun at all but I couldn't deny that it made me feel fractionally safer with it in our presence.

I turned to look at Edward who was leaning against the door frame eyeing the rifle with the oddest expression on his face.

"If everything does go to the shit," he said slowly, choosing his words carefully "and we do get captured, we'd be a hell of a lot better off without that. At least then we can plead innocence and hopefully they won't shoot us on the spot."

I cringed, but I knew he was only telling the truth. Two scared teenagers with empty hands was a lot better than two scared teenagers with a gun. Besides, that one rifle would be useless against an entire patrol with their automatic weapons. Hell, even one guy could probably take both of us down if it came to bolt action rifle versus a semi automatic machine gun.

I put the rifle down carefully on the pile and we both slipped out the front door into the cool night air.

It was quite cold tonight, the air was damp and I felt the moisture stick to my clothes, skin and hair almost instantly as we crossed the porch and started heading out down the driveway. Maybe it was the predictable Fork's weather, or maybe it was the fact that I was just walking around my property like I had a million times before, but for some reason I felt rather relaxed. I strolled casually up the drive, taking in the smells of the damp Fork's night air that I had become so accustomed to. Edward walked a little behind me in silence keeping up with my pace easily.

Good moods just aren't meant to exist for me I soon discovered, because just as I was about to reach the cattle stop at the end of our long drive I heard Edward's steps increase rapidly behind me. Before I even had the chance to turn around and look at him his strong, lean hand came clamping down over my mouth, his other arm wrapping around my waist, and suddenly I was being pushed down sideways onto the lawn beside the drive.

I cried out against his warm palm, both in surprise and pain as the sudden movement jarred my shoulder uncomfortably and his hand pressed firmer over my mouth. I turned my head against his hand the instant we hit the ground to see his face hovering over my shoulder, his spare hand had a finger raised to his lips in a silent instruction to be silent. He quickly removed it and pointed out two fingers flicking them between the road and his eyes, motioning for me to look down the road to our right before cautiously removing his hand from my mouth. His body still hovered protectively over mine as I scanned the darkness meticulously. It only took me a moment to see the movement but had I not been looking for it I would have certainly missed it.

They moved like the body of a crocodile; sinister, silent and deadly they slivered along the dark roadway. It was only the small things that gave them away. A scuff of a boot on the stone and the glint of moonlight as it hit the metallic plane of a rifle.

I watched them silently as they approached, still a hundred metres or so down the road. After a minutes contemplation I lowered my body back to the ground and shrunk forward, covering the small distance between me and the front hedge in a very low crouch. As I pushed my body delicately into the dense growth a flash of movement caught my attention from the other side of the lawn. My heart rate picked up immediately and my hand reflexively jerked out to grab Edward's knee in warning as he too imbedded his body in the bushes scratchy tendrils, his leg becoming rigid immediately. I quickly realised my over reaction as the fluffy white tail of a mature rabbit disappeared through a shadowy opening in the hedge on the other side of the drive. I breathed an inaudible sigh of relief while simultaneously scolding myself for not keeping a cool head.

Edward's warm hand touched mine and I realised that I was still gripped tightly onto his knee and he was staring at me with large, alarmed eyes. I released my hand immediately, shaking my head and offering him an apologetic smile. He continued to stare at me for a few seconds before apparently accepting my embarrassed shrug.

We waited silently in the shadows as the light thuds of boots drew nearer and nearer. The increasing _thud, thud, thud_ of footsteps resembling the suspenseful soundtrack from Jaws. Their very presence here was making my palms sweat. We hadn't seen anyone this far out yet and it had given us a sort of false sense of security. They were expanding, becoming more comfortable, and we were being caged in. I held my breath as they passed directly behind us, my back tingling uncomfortably as though I could feel their presence on the other side of the bush. It was the same sort of feeling as when you know a spider is near and you can almost feel it crawling its way up your spine. I didn't release my breath until they had passed the cattle stop and were crossing the front of the other side of the lawn but the moment I did, I instantly regretted it.

There was a slight rustle from the shrubs a few metres to our right, a dull scratching almost – then all hell broke loose.

The footsteps halted immediately and the air was instantly thick with tension as the dull thuds were replaced with the sounds of rifles being drawn and cocked and bodies being lowered onto the bitumen. Had I not been so utterly terrified I might have marvelled at how organised and efficient they were. Within half a second of the footsteps stopping the first shots could be heard, but they weren't chaotic or messy. They all seemed to fire in unison, the sound deafening as it ripped through the still night. The flashes from the ends of their rifles illuminating the landscape like a strobe set to extra fast. I curled my limbs around my body reflexively, whimpering audibly and cowering further into the hedge as bullets flew past at mere metres from us - some of them slamming into the exterior of the house at the far end of the lawn.

After a few seconds all went silent again, except for the almost deafening ringing in my ears. The ringing blared on and on for what seemed like an eternity until finally I heard the deep commanding voice utter a short sentence from the patrol's position on the road. The voice was followed by a brief shuffling and then a set of slow footsteps that headed in our direction. I heard the scuff of a boot on the metal rails of the cattle stop and my heart began to pound unbelievably faster. The fact that they were coming closer to me barely registered in my mind as the boots covered another metal slat because _they _were coming onto my property, theywere finally truly invading my home, theywere where they didn't belong.

It took me all of my physical strength to hold my body in place as the soldiers footsteps moved off the end of the cattle stop and crunched on the gravel of the driveway - _my _driveway.

I know it was insane, and thinking back now the idea that maybe I might have snapped, jumped up and rammed that bastard straight back over that cattle stop like I so desperately wanted to, terrified the hell out of me. I would have been gunned down on the spot, no questions asked. It's sort of hard to defend your land if you're dead.

I understood exactly how Edward had reacted that day at his house, because although a large part of me wanted to fight back and equally large part of me wanted to run away with my tail between my legs and my arms thrown over my head. Fortunately, it was that fear that kept me grounded.

I watched, with wide possum eyes as the tall uniformed man slowly made his way around the opposite end of the hedge, gun drawn and every footstep calculated. He advanced slowly and I found myself holding my breath again. Once he finally reached the part of the hedge that their bullets had ripped through he became impossibly still as he bore down at the thick mass of branches and leaves with his gun raised tightly to his shoulder. He stood like that for an immeasurable amount of time and just when I thought my lungs were about to rip wide open with the strain of holding them for so long the man's gun fell limply to his side.

He bent over quickly, doubling over at the waist before emerging only an instant later with the torn and shredded carcass of the fluffy tailed rabbit held out above his head for the others to see. He laughed loudly and my breath returned to me in one sudden gush. Fortunately the noise was covered by the rumble of laughter that spread throughout the group. With a flick of his wrist the mangled body went flying through the air at the patrol and he turned swiftly on his heel and began jogging back to the cattle stop.

I squeezed my body impossibly smaller, pulling my ankles right into my butt and pulling back my knees from view with my tightly clenched hands as the man advanced casually on us. In my mind, we were sticking out like a two goddamn flashing neon signs and he would have only been a few feet away from where we hid as he turned and bounded back over the cattle stop without so much as a hesitation or recognition of our presence.

I remained curled up in my tight little ball long after the patrol's light chatter and heavier footsteps had faded away, unable to unlock my paralyzed body. After what seemed like an eternity I finally heard Edward shift from beside me as he emerged from the greenery.

"Come on, let's get a move on," he whispered, extending his hand to me. I took it stiffly, my hand shaking slightly in his as he pulled me gently to my feet.

We moved a hell of a lot more cautiously after that. The Barlow's place was only a quarter of a mile down the road but it took us about double the time as it should have to get there as we chose to move slowly across the paddocks and through more foliage rather than risk taking to the road again.

When we did finally reach the Barlow's we sat crouched in the garden for a while, staring intently through the dark windows looking for any signs of movement amongst their darkness. We were taking this whole thing a hell of a lot more seriously than we had been, thinking out our every step and calculating every risk. The efficiency of the patrol at my house had terrified the hell out of me. It's not like we weren't taking this thing seriously before, but a firsthand look at the destructive power of your enemy tends to put everything into perspective. We were already well out of our element, we didn't want to increase their advantage by being careless and stupid.

When we were both satisfied that the house appeared to be empty we slowly advanced on the door. I held my breath again as I crouched low beside the door my hand stretched out in front of me gasping the brass doorknob. I turned it slowly and put a small amount of pressure on the door but it didn't budge. It was locked, that was strange. People in this community didn't usually bother to lock their houses or cars. Crime was almost non-existent in Forks. Everybody knew everybody. I shot a confused look at Edward, shrugging my shoulders a little puzzled. He raised one finger quickly, leaning forward and pushing his hand under the matt below my feet. I watched in amusement as his hand returned almost immediately, his fingers clutched around a small silver key. I rolled my eyes and swiftly slid it into the lock, hearing the dull click as the bolt drew back on the lock as I turned it. Once we were inside we did a quick and silent sweep of the house, but all was quiet and empty.

"I'll start in the kitchen, if you want to take the bedrooms," I said as more of a question than anything else. He simply nodded and turned heading down the hallway in the direction of the master bedroom.

I set to work quickly, piling all the canned and non perishable foods up onto the bench and loading them into the bags that Edward retrieved from the wardrobes for me. Once everything in the kitchen was successfully raided I set off down the hall in search of Edward. I found him shuffling through the medical cabinet in the Barlow's ensuite, throwing bottles of disinfectant and painkillers into a bag at his feet. He paused as I entered, lifting a bottle closer to his face and squinting at the label against the dull moonlight. He laughed loudly after a moment, flicking the bottle back into the cabinet and shaking his head.

"Turns out, Mr. Roy L. Barlow, has a flaming case of herpes," he informed me, still chuckling. "Valtrex, prescribed by none other than Dr. Carlisle Cullen."

I stared at him in disbelief, my mouth almost dropping to the floor. I knew the Barlow's had been having some marriage problems - everyone in Fork's always knew everyone else's business. I guess now I knew why June Barlow had been spending those nights at her sister's place like Renee had told me so many weeks ago. I also half wondered how he was coping at the showground, dealing with a violent case of herpes with no medication. Didn't sound like my idea of fun.

"Huh, that explains a lot," I noted as he grabbed at another bottle in the cupboard, squinting his eyes to read the label like the last. "I'm gonna go out and see if I can find something useful in the shed, okay?"

He nodded, slightly distracted as he threw the bottle back into the cupboard and grabbed another.

I turned to leave, stepping back out the bathroom door and was just about to turn the corner when I heard him call my name softly from behind me.

"Bella?" I turned. He was looking at me, the bottle in his hand forgotten. "Be careful, okay."

I smiled and nodded, pausing for a moment before hurrying out of the room, a ridiculous blush spreading over my cheeks.

The cool air soothed my heated face as I walked the path between the house and the shed mentally cursing myself for being so damn pathetic. I entered the shed muttering to myself and didn't think to look at what I was doing until I was already in the middle of the shed. I spun around once, gazing around at the contents of the shed. There was a big old Bentley parked on the far right side which I was sure had been there for years and probably didn't go anymore since I hadn't seen it driving around Forks. To my left was a half wall that led into another smaller room which from the looks of it held all of Mr Barlow's tools. Ahead of me were about ten old dirty shelves that held everything from car batteries to extension cords to ant bait. I stepped towards it, noticing a pile of beaten petrol cans in the far right corner in front of the Bentley, they had been a major on our list as petrol was going to be in limited supply from now on.

I grabbed the largest one first, shaking it and finding that it was empty. It didn't really matter though because Charlie always kept our large tank at home well stocked and since it was gravity fed we didn't need electricity to use it, we just needed containers to transport it to Hell in.

I checked the other two next. One was quite small and had a rather large hole in the bottom corner so I discarded it immediately. The last one looked okay but the cap on the lid was jammed tightly shut. I wrenched on it but it wasn't giving, remembering the tools on the other side of the shed I raised and turned as a shadow crept up behind me...

Even in the darkness I could see the rage in his eyes, the pure hatred that he bore straight into me. He was large, possibly close to twice my size and age as well as considerably taller than me, his posture was dominant and aggressive as he raised his hand from his side and pointed his hand gun at my chest.

My body was rigid with fear as I tried to process what was happening. It took me what seemed like forever to notice that he was dressed in some sort of military uniform, it looked like the one I had seen the men at the showground wear but because of the lack of light and my state of absolute terror I couldn't be sure. He advanced on me and I stepped back hastily, my butt connecting with the side of the Bentley as my heart pounded wildly in my chest and ears, a cold sweat beginning to bead on my forehand.

I briefly considered the heavy metal tin in my hand. It would do a lot of damage if I could connect it to his face with enough force. Still, no hit could ever match the speed and devastation of a bullet. I dropped the tin hastily and it fell to the ground with a resounding clang that made me jump and whimper.

He advanced further again, growling something low under his breath in a language I didn't recognise and my whole body began to shake with fear. The loathing in his eyes was even more apparent in the tone of his voice. Holding myself together the best I could I faced down the man that I knew had every advantage over me. My life was his and he would soon take it. If I thought there was a way out of it I would have taken it, I would have fought. But I knew, as well as he did, that my time was up and here on the dirt floor is where I would die.

As one final insult he stepped forward once more, raising the gun so that it was almost touching the gap between my eyebrows. I whimpered, I couldn't help it and my eyes scrunched up instinctively. There's no way to describe the feeling that courses through you as you stare down the barrel of a loaded gun. In that moment nothing exists except for that dark tunnel between you and that bullet.

I speared a thought for Renee and Charlie. I tried to show them how much I loved them every opportunity I got and I hope they knew how much I appreciated everything they did for me. Alice, Emmett, Angela, Jasper, Rosalie, all were present in my thoughts. I hoped they wouldn't suffer the same fate as I was about to. I hoped that they would survive and be happy and grow old together. And Edward... my last thought was with Edward.

I felt one single tear roll down my cheek as I realised that I would never be held in his warm embrace again, never see the glisten in his glorious green eyes he sometimes got when he looked at me, never see the curve of his full lips as he flashed me his crooked smile, never kiss him the way that I so badly wanted to, never tell him exactly what he meant to me; how his mere presence sends flutters in my stomach, how I never realise how empty I feel when he's not around until he's back with me and I feel whole, how the sound of his velvet voice was the favourite part of my day, how my heart beats a different rhythm whenever he touches me, how my whole world seems to exist around him, how I think that I might have fallen in love with him...

The air moved, and I braced myself for impact.


	14. Chapter 13 The Art Of Self Distruction

**_A/N- Thanks to everyone for their awesome reviews and I'm sorry it's taken a bit longer than a week to update but I've been really nervous about this chapter. A lot of stuff gets revealed here. Eeeek, this is a biggy and I'm anxious as hell. It comes to you straight from the head of Edward..._**

_CHAPTER THIRTEEN The Art Of Self-destruction_

_Peripheral on the package_

_Don't care to settle in_

_Time to feed the monster_

_I don't need another friend_

_Comfort is a mystery_

_Crawling out of my own skin_

_Just give me what I came for_

_then I'm out the door again_

_(The Package – A Perfect Circle)_

__**Edward**__

Once in a lifetime you reach a standstill, a moment when your entire world comes to a complete stop. Time, space, rational thought – none of that exists anymore. Your body becomes completely catatonic and you can think of nothing but what lies ahead of you disbelieving eyes.

I thought I had seen my darkest days. My standstill had come the day I had awoken in the hospital in Seattle; covered from head to toe in monitors, tubes and needles. They didn't have to tell me that my parents were dead. I already knew, I could read it all over their damn faces. Their mouths pulled down into sympathetic frowns, eyes full of pity. I hated it, I didn't want it. Only Carlisle was different. He didn't treat me like the others; he didn't show pity, only understanding and care. I guess that's why I accepted when he offered to become my legal guardian.

He offered me a home, a new start, but I chose to stay. I didn't want to leave Seattle, I couldn't leave my parents behind, it was too soon and I wasn't ready - I wasn't sure if I would ever be ready. I felt like I was abandoning them. I chose to live at the dormitories at my high school, mainly because I had no other choice as I was still only fourteen and entirely too young to have to deal with any of this shit on my own. I liked the idea of the dormitories though, it offered familiarity without the constant reminder of Mom and Dad, the constant reminder that they weren't there that our family home did. I actually looked forward to the distraction of pathetic teenage drama that school would provide, which was fucked up since I usually tried to avoid that shit. Little did I know that going back to school would offer no comfort whatsoever as all of the mindless ranting was centred on me. I couldn't walk into a room or down a hallway without people staring and whispering to their friends. Most didn't even bother to lower their voices. I was the schools newest attraction and it made me feel like a circus act. For months this went on, I barely talked to anyone. My friends were kind and patient but every friendship has its limit and I pushed them to theirs. I couldn't stand to be around them any more, not when they treated me like I was made of glass and would shatter in the slightest breeze. I wanted to see them smile and joke and just have fucking _fun_ again, but every time one of them would see me the same sad look would wash over their face, consequently killing any hope I had of an average day.

They drifted away slowly and eventually I really was all alone. I wandered the school like a zombie for over a year, spending most of my time just staring mindlessly out into space. If I had to interact with anyone I was always snappy and rude, I couldn't help it. I found it was the only way to stop their stupid looks. People find it hard to feel sorry for you when you act like an asshole. I guess it started out as a type of defence mechanism but after a while it just sort of became who I was. I lashed out one day in sophomore year, it was irrational and unfair. The guy had simply asked how I was going. He was a nice kid and he didn't deserve the smack in the face, but I couldn't help myself. I'd reached a point where I just couldn't repress anything anymore and this one guy just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and say the wrong stuff. The weird thing about it all is that it felt good. I'd never hit anyone in my life before that moment; I had been raised better than that, but something in me just snapped. It felt liberating, like I finally found a way to channel out all the anger that had been boiling inside of me through my fists. Obviously the kids parents weren't too happy about their sons face getting messed up so the school was informed the next day, God knows why they bothered though. All I was met with was another sympathetic face and a slap on the wrist. Not that I really cared if they punished me or not at that point, no punishment could have been worse than what I was already dealing with. At least that's what I thought.

I was in another fight the week after, which I have to admit, was completely instigated by me. This guy merely happened to bump into me in the hall one day and when I made an issue of it and he wouldn't back down I just couldn't control my rage. When they finally manage to drag me off the guy, who happened to be almost twice my size, I was grinning like a lunatic. Word soon got round that Mason had gone off the deep end and suddenly no-one wanted to be around me anymore - which would have been fine with me, if the school hadn't suspended me for a week anyway. The first incident they could overlook, the second not so much.

Of course Carlisle being my legal guardian was informed straight away of the suspension. It was strange that I couldn't have given less of a shit what everybody else thought but for some reason knowing I would have to face Carlisle made me suddenly ashamed. He didn't approve of my actions in the slightest but for some fucked up reason he was able to understand my motivation behind it. He seemed to appreciate the build up of resentment that had stirred inside me and only seemed concerned that I would be alone for a week. I waved it off, assuring him that I would be fine and that I just needed a little time to relax and of course, like always, he respected my wishes.

I spent the next few days locked away in my dormitory feeling worse than I ever had at any point in my life so far. I knew that wherever my mother was now, that she would be disappointed in me. Shit, _I_ was disappointed in myself. With nothing but my own mind to keep me company I think I did go a little insane.

I drank, a lot. I rationalised it by telling myself that most teenagers binge drink, but my drinking was nothing short of alcoholic status. A beer a day keeps the shrink away – try twenty. I binged myself into a coma like state more than once until eventually I woke up in the same place it had all started, a hospital bed.

There had been a bar fight, most probably started by me. I'd given a guy five stitches across his forehead from a bar stool and received seven on the palm of my right hand from a broken bottle. Fortunately, the hit to the head and his extreme level of intoxication meant that he couldn't properly ID me or give a solid statement so I weaselled my way out of it without a conviction. However, I was still a seventeen year old fighting in a pub so the police had wasted no time in contacting Carlisle, because they could pick a fake id from a mile away. That was the first fight Carlisle and I had ever had. He suggested I get counselling, and I know now that he was just trying to help me - but at the time something had just snapped. I felt betrayed. I raged out, I was brutal; I accused him of everything under the sun – including trying to replace my father. It was hurtful and mean and I didn't mean a word of it. I've regretted it every day since.

He never raised his voice to me in retaliation. Instead he stood quietly, patiently and absorbed everything I threw at him without flinching. Eventually he left; I gave him no other choice, though I know it hurt him to do so.

The encounter with Carlisle and just the whole goddam stupid week had left me ragged. I needed another release, but even in my semi-psychotic state I knew that going out and beating the crap out of some guy so soon after my last incident would lead me nowhere but a jail cell. I had to find another option, and quick.

I'd never touched drugs in my life, never felt the need. Friends of mine had experimented with almost everything the big bad world had to offer but I never saw the appeal – until that day. A few guys at school were dealing, mainly for extra cash, some to feed their own habits, everybody knew it. One of these guys just happened to be my dorm neighbour. The look on his face when I came knocking was almost comical had I not been so fucking disgusted at myself. The process was quick and he told me he could hook me up again if I ever needed it, which I did.

The weed worked well for a while. I slowly started to go back to school, mainly to get Carlisle off my back, but every time I was so blazed out of my mind that I might as well have not been for all the good it did me. I was never really there, I wasn't really alive, I merely existed. I was just vacant and every day was slightly less painful that way. Again everybody knew, but no one said anything. Ignorance is bliss after all.

The next few months were spent this way, in an almost constant numb and drugged up state. But all good things must come to an end, especially when Edward Mason is involved. The weed started to lose its effect. My buzzes weren't new and exciting and fun anymore. It made me drowsy and dopey, but worst of all – it made me think. I'd spend hours thinking, over analysing everything. My mind would always wander back to the one thing that had changed my life so dramatically until I ended up as a complete emotional wreck.

I went back to my dealer, I needed something stronger – a lot stronger. He flicked me the number of a guy he knew and said that he would be able to hook me up. Ridiculously I took it, not realising what the hell I was getting myself in to.

His 'contact,' James, was one of the dodgiest guys I had ever met. Everything about him put me on edge, right down to the stupid fucking ponytail that hung from the back of his head. He had this shadiness about him and I just knew that he wouldn't hesitate for a second to fuck me over if he thought that he could get away with it. I brought a gram of MDMA off of him, because I knew that shit would do the trick. I'm not proud of how I paid for it either, it makes me sick just thinking about it. Obviously my parents had left everything to their one and only child in their will's, but I'm sure as fuck they didn't think their perfect son would be wasting that shit on copious amounts of E so that he could forget all about their existence. It made me sick to my very fucking core to do that shit, but at the time I felt it detrimental to my survival – or at least my sanity.

The MDMA was handed over to me by the most stunning strawberry blonde I had ever laid my eyes upon. I wasn't a conceited motherfucker but I knew I wasn't ugly, and I knew that she didn't think so either. But she was this dodgy ass drug dealer's girlfriend and there was no way that I was going to fuck around with that shit, at least that would have been the intelligent thing to do. Walking away just wasn't my style.

The MDMA high was amazing. It was the first time in a very, very long time that I felt close to normal – despite the fact that I was tripping out of my head. The comedown was a different story. I think I reached my very lowest points on my comedowns. I didn't eat for days, I vomited, I cried. I came really close to fucking suicide on more than one occasion. Yet, like the filthy junkie I was becoming I went back for more, time and time again.

Before long James' girlfriend, Tanya, started making house calls to deliver my shit, because I had upgraded from MDMA to coke. She said it was because James wanted to keep me interested, but I knew she had an ulterior motive. Tanya was very blunt with me from the start - I guess she was that kind of person – straight to the point with no fucking around. What astounded me though was when she called me out on what was going on with me. She fucking _guessed_ about my parents and the whole damn situation and it knocked me on my fucking ass.

It turned out that she had lost her twin sister Kate only two years previous; around the same time I had lost my parents, and had gone down an almost identical path that I was currently on. One that had eventually led her to James and her coke habit.

Our friendship started off as just that, a friendship but it quickly escalated to something more. She would talk a lot about her sister during our stolen moments together, talk a lot about the way her death had affected her life. She would talk, and I would listen, because it was just so comforting to know that someone else out there was feeling the same way that I was and was dealing with the same shit that the world was throwing at me. We really would talk almost non-stop for days. We connected on some weird, fucked up level and it helped. I found I didn't need the coke or the MDMA as much anymore, something about our relationship seemed to fill that void that I had been trying to cram full of mind numbing drugs. It didn't fix it completely, not by a long shot, but it did make it bearable. Tanya continued to use, she was hooked even though she denied it – and who was I to stop her. It worked for her but it just wasn't the same for me.

We had to remain a secret. James was a powerful and dangerous man; we both knew that she was stuck with him until he was sick of her. We spent almost every day together, and although she assured me that James wasn't suspicious I was paranoid of what might happen if he was to find out.

The months dragged on and I could see myself spiralling back down into my pit of depression. The only time I was ever truly happy was those few weeks that I would spend in that monotonous little town called Forks. Yet, like the masochistic idiot that I was; I always retuned back to the hell that was Seattle. Tanya told me that she loved me, and I knew that she was telling the truth. I won't deny that it felt good to be loved again and I tried so hard to love her back, I really did. She deserved my love and I hated that I couldn't give it to her, but I just didn't feel that way. I didn't think that I was even capable of love anymore. I had loved my parents with every bone in my body and that undying love for them was what had got me to this point. I was so low that I barely lived – I merely existed. It was that exact reason that I pushed my friends away and possibly the same for Carlisle – caring for them would only lead to more pain when they eventually left me; because that shit was inevitable.

I left Tanya. I was being unfair to her, which was the excuse I gave to myself when really I knew that I was leaving her because I was terrified of her leaving me. She didn't take it well, which is what I expected. I watched her emotionlessly as she cried and begged for me to take her back. It was cruel and I knew it, she had given me so much and I had given her nothing in return. I was no better than a common parasite. She left eventually but by no means on good terms.

So she was gone and I was alone again, cut off from the rest of the world. I got drunk and high that night, because I could, and found myself wandering towards the pub at three in the morning. Somehow I got in, seventeen years of age and ID-less, what a joke. I met a girl there; she was pretty but in no way intelligent. She invited me back to her place and I agreed, simply because I craved human contact in whatever way I could get it.

I arrived home early the next morning feeling like shit, and not just because of my hangover. I felt disgusting both inside and out. It was a Tuesday, and I should have been sitting in my first period English class at school, instead all I wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep for days. That plan was short lived however as when I arrived home I found the dorms packed full of police.

It turned out that in retaliation for our break up, Tanya had ratted me out to the police and a full blown drug search was being conducted within my room. They didn't find anything though, Tanya didn't know it but I had given that shit up the second she had walked out the door. I had given all of that shit to my neighbour to sell off and snorted the small amount I kept the night before, disgusted by the very sight of it and the guilt of knowing exactly how it was funded.

Carlisle arrived an hour later for a meeting with the dean of the school. He was silent the entire time I was with him, but I could read on his face that he was hurt. He knew that I had been using, they all did really. I remained quiet the whole time that he talked with the dean. I was just generally feeling like shit for all the crap I was putting him and Esme through. They didn't have to take me in when my parents had died. I could have easily been sent off to a group home with all the other thousands of orphaned kids. It probably would have been better for me in the long run. I know they meant well by giving me my space to grieve, still I managed to abuse their kindness and in turn make their lives Hell. I knew that I had upset Esme. During my time in the Cullen house on summer breaks I had spent quite a lot of time with her. She reminded me a lot of my mother, but not in an unpleasant way. Her compassion and love was limitless and she had accepted me with open arms because she knew that she could give me all of the love she thought I deserved. I didn't deserve her love, or even her compassion. I knew I had hurt her by hurting myself.

The dean prattled on about punishment to Carlisle but I barely heard a word of what he said. The school was quite upper class and there was no way they were going to let a fucked up kid like me ruin their reputation with accusations of drug use. Carlisle spoke calmly in my defence however, which to be honest surprised the hell out of me. Anyone else would have gladly accepted any punishment they wanted to dish out to me because god knows I deserved it. But Carlisle was different.

He didn't use the loss of my parents as an excuse for my actions, which I was thankful for. He simply vouched on behalf of my character, suggesting that I was in fact worthy of patience. I was totally fucking bemused by that. The only side of me that Carlisle had ever really seen was this fucked up shell of the former Edward Mason. Yet here he was, looking past all of my ridiculous antics to see the lonely boy inside that was crying out in agony. I realised that day that Carlisle really was a truly amazing human being.

After much debate the dean finally agreed to let me finish out the rest of the school year and remain in the dormitories on the condition that my attendance become better than one hundred percent. I sat there, gaping stupidly at the old man as he came to his final conclusion. Never in a million years did I think that I would be treated so leniently, but Carlisle's argument had been what swayed him. Hell, Carlisle had spoken so well that _I_ almost started to believe in me.

I apologised to Carlisle immediately. I knew that it was pointless but I needed him to know that I was genuinely remorseful and appreciative of all that he and Esme had done for me, because I wasn't a completely heartless bastard. I learnt that day to never underestimate Carlisle's character – when most people would turn their backs and give up; Carlisle offered me yet another chance. Despite everything, he asked me to come back to Forks with him for senior year.

I didn't even have to think about my answer, I already knew where I wanted to be. Forks offered me a new start, all Seattle could offer me anymore was a quick ticket to a jail cell, or perhaps an early grave. That wasn't the life my parents would have wanted for me, my mother had taught me to be better than that. I craved human interaction but more than anything I craved a family, love and support – as cheesy as that might all sound. But the reality is that I was lost without it. I realised something else that day – I realised just how desperately lonely I had become because I truly was one seriously fucked up individual.

In spite of my great epiphany I still couldn't open up to any of the Cullen's. They never pressured me into it or anything, but I always felt like I owed them something, some sort of explanation. I had a problem with letting people in, every person I had ever opened up to in my life had ended up hurting me or been hurt by me. I couldn't risk it. That was, until I met Bella.

There was always an attraction, it was goddam undeniable. I knew from the second that I saw her, all petite and blushing, that she was beautiful. But it wasn't until more time passed and our connection grew stronger that I understood how truly stunning she was – both inside and out. She was so pure, so good. So like my mother and so unlike everybody that had helped drag me down into the dark hole that I had dug for myself in Seattle. Her eyes intrigued me most of all. Some would say that brown is a monotonous colour, but hers seemed to dance with the depth of her emotion. Her every feeling was always visible in her deceptively communicative eyes. Its part of the reason why she was such a bad liar, her large doe eyes always gave her away. That, and the fact that lying made her uneasy and she would always fidget a lot when she did it. That's just the kind of pure-hearted person she is.

She was shy around me to begin with, but then again I was subtle around everyone in Forks. I tried not to draw attention to myself on purpose but as I got to spend more time with Bella it seemed that her introversion was caused only by a lack of confidence due to her low self esteem. Summers passed and she began to break out of her shell slowly, and with every crack in the barrier's foundation I found myself more and more amazed by the complexity of this beautiful and fragile looking girl.

She became one of the things that I looked forward to the most during my visits to Forks. All semester long she would weigh on my thoughts, despite the turmoil that was boiling within them. I would see a girl blush as she passed me in the street and would be instantly reminded of her, not that any girls blush ever compared to her alluring glow. I wrestled a lot with the feelings she would stir within me when we were together. Feelings I thought I was incapable of having anymore. The best part about leaving Forks was knowing that I would be back to see her face again. Bella was so soft and gentle, even the way she walked and moved made her seem weightless – weightless but clumsy. She is so much packed into so little, small and athletic yet petite and fragile. She cared so deeply for the people in her life that mattered to her. She gave her love unconditionally and with every ounce of passion she had within her.

She had a tough side to though. She was never a slacker for some hard work and was more enthusiastic than any person I had ever met to get her hands dirty. I guess some guys would have been turned off by this, but not me, it only encouraged my admiration of her. Bella was real and pure, not plastic and fake like most other girls and that made her even more beautiful. Still, I always came to the same conclusion – Bella was a beautiful flower; soft and delicate, and I was the cold, harsh frost that would wither her. She was too good for me, I understood that, but that didn't stop my feelings from growing.

I think deep down that was part of the reason why I left Tanya the way I did. In some subconscious way I always compared her to Bella – she just never matched up. It was like mixing water with oil. Tanya never possessed any of the qualities that made Bella so amazing to me. If I was being truly honest I would almost say that Tanya represented everything I hated about my life; the pain, the seclusion, the drugs, the guilt, the depression, the lies – where all things that made mine and Tanya's relationship what it was. Destructive.

It was that one day that Tanya convinced me to take her back to the Cullen's with her that I saw a small glimmer of hope. Bella had been stunned speechless, but that wasn't uncommon for most people when they met Tanya. Nevertheless, it was her eyes once again that had given her away. She was hurt.

It had taken me the entire dinner to work it out but finally something clicked. Bella was jealous. I couldn't believe it at first. We had spent a lot of time together over the summers, but she always seemed so shy and even scared around me. I have to admit that I was a little jealous of the way she acted around other guys like Emmett and Jasper. She wasn't flirty or seductive or any of that crap because that just wasn't Bella's style. She was just completely comfortable and relaxed around them. She was light and content and carefree, and she would smile and laugh and I couldn't help but be entranced.

The thought that maybe she felt the same powerful attraction for me that I felt for her was astounding but a little frightening all the same. I didn't want to be the one to turn her pureness into something tarnished and broken because that's just the way people ended up around me.

Still against my better judgement I let myself open up to her, because I couldn't deny those eyes. They always left me vulnerable, I was weak for her. Things had started to change as we spent our first days in Hell. I couldn't stay away from her. If I weren't right there next to her I would be thinking about her. It was more than attraction or desire or lust or any other hormone driven emotion. Somehow she brought me back to life and like some cruel, sick joke only days later she was about to have hers taken away from her, right in front of my eyes.

I had followed her out into the shed, mainly because she was taking a long time but also because I simply hated being away from her. It was the voice I had heard that had first alerted me that something was wrong. It was deep and rough, the tone loud and ferocious.

I froze immediately, only one step away from the doorway. My heart instantly began pounding so hard that it was like deafening thuds in my ears as I cautiously took the last step to peep in the doorway. The scene I found in front of me made my entire chest clench with pain as the familiar feeling of the world screeching to a devastating halt flooded through me.

Standstill number two.

I could see her shake. Her legs looked as though they were barely holding her up under the weight of the violent tremors that were rippling through her. Her shoulders were slumped forward in a defeated and defensive stance. Her quivering hands raised in front of her as a last feeble attempt to stop the impending bullet, but her eyes gave everything away.

Her eyes were accepting and ready. She knew that these were her last breaths, her last moments, and that she was powerless to stop it. She didn't cry, just stared with wide eyes down the barrel of his gun. It was simultaneously the bravest and most terrifying act I had ever seen.

I had been where she was, awaiting death at the end of a barrel. Old scars that I had tried very hard to forget about unbelievably started to burn like I was being shot all over again as I took in the sight in front of me - and suddenly I was back in that place, back in the day that my parents lives had ended. I had to fight unbelievably hard against the memories as they flooded forward for the very darkest recesses of my mind. The only way I could stop them was to focus on the man in front of me, his face blurring in and out with the face of the man who had destroyed my life almost five years ago.

This man's posture was the exact opposite of Bella's. He stood tall and confident, he wasn't a small man by any means but he still flaunted his dominance over her fragile form, pointing the gun almost lazily at the top of her chest.

His eyes were on hers, small and menacing, he would murder in cold blood and feel no remorse. The girl in front of him meant nothing to him and as if to illustrate this sadistic point he raised the gun slowly to her head, the side of his mouth pulling up into a sinister sneer. She whimpered softly and turned her head away, closing her eyes and squeezing them slightly, accepting her fate as one single tear escaped and rolled slowly down her cheek.

I didn't have the chance to fight for my parents. Even the best doctors in the world could do nothing for them. I had lost them and I was only now beginning to deal with that but I wouldn't lose Bella. I could fight for her, I had to - for her sake and for mine.

I pounced.

**A/N - 'kay well there it is, I hope you liked it and I did our Edward justice. Let me know what you think - this chapter especially. **

**(Hides in fear)**


	15. Chapter 14 The Day The World Went Away

_**A/N - This chapter's pretty short so I'm posting early. But never fear dear readers, it's jam packed full of lots of action. **_

_**Another one from the head of Edward. **_

_CHAPTER FOURTEEN The Day The World Went Away_

_The moments died, I hear no screaming.  
>The visions left inside me are slowly fading.<br>Would she hear me, if I called her name?  
>Would she hold me, if she knew my shame?<em>

_(Tear's Don't Fall - Bullet For My Valentine)_

**Edward**

I snapped, throwing myself at the man in blind desperation. He was larger than me, both in height and width but I hit him, _hard_.

He was caught completely by surprise and suddenly we were falling. I hadn't thought my plan through at all, had just acted completely on impulse, knowing that I had to do absolutely anything I possibly could to stop him from pulling that trigger. I'd thrown myself at him, crossing the gap between him and the door within a fraction of a second and slammed him away from Bella with my body.

I landed awkwardly on top of him, unable to brace myself and my head slammed into the ground beside his shoulder. I hit the ground hard, and for a moment I was blinded by the sharp pain as a teeth shattering 'crack' echoed through my head.

I was stunned temporarily but suddenly he was wriggling underneath me and I was thrown off of him, onto my back on the ground. Still slightly dazed I opened my eyes to see him lifting himself from the ground, his head turning back and forth frantically as his eyes scanned the ground. His hand now empty, his gun absent.

He made it to his feet first but he was big and slow, so by the time he turned to me and drew his foot back to imbed his boot in my stomach I had lunged again. I hit him low, mainly because I hadn't regained enough of my balance to hit any higher but also because all the stupid fighting back in Seattle had taught me a thing or two about holding your own in a brawl. His centre of gravity was high so I knew he'd fall hard. I struck him at around mid thigh, wrapping my arms tightly around his legs just above his knees. He had already committed to the kick though, which was both good and bad for me. His weight was shifted onto one leg so he lost his balance easily, however his knee was already raised and it slammed into my chest fucking hard, knocking the wind from my lungs in one painful gush.

We landed on the ground again but this time it was his head that made contact with the hard ground. I moved quickly, fuelled by a mixture of adrenaline and pure rage. Still gasping for breath I leaned my knee into his stomach and pounded my fist square into his face. Blood started gushing from his nose almost instantly and he swung his hands up in self defence. He got in one blow, right in the jaw making my teeth smash together. That pissed me off. I was quite proud of my teeth, I looked after them fucking well and this motherfucker was going to mess them up. I swung again, harder this time and hit him right back in the mouth.

He groaned loudly, his arms flailing around violently in an attempt to push me off. I drew my fist back and hit him twice more, splattering the blood that continued to pour from his nose, but on the second hit something struck me hard on the back. I realised it was his knee just as his fist slammed into my ribs on my side, knocking me sideways. He wasted no time, using his body weight he forced me to the ground and pinned me below him.

I knew at that point that I was stranded pretty fucking far up shit creek so I went for his face, knowing that his weight was a huge advantage for him and I wouldn't stand a chance in hell of being able to push him off. But he didn't fuck around this guy, not anymore - he went straight for the kill, literally. He wrapped his huge hands firmly around my throat, cutting my air supply off instantly.

They say drowning is the most peaceful way to die, but I say bullshit. Obviously, whoever made this great proclamation has never fucking drowned. There's nothing peaceful about suffocation. The panic consumes you immediately, you wriggle and squirm but it's no use. Movement only makes you asphyxiate faster. I was pounding my fist against his face but I knew it wasn't doing any good. He wouldn't have to hold on for long, he knew it and so did I. Every passing second felt like an eternity as I struggled within his grasp. I grew weaker and weaker, my punches losing all power as my throat and chest gagged for the relief of one more breath. His hands were like bricks; strong and heavy – no matter how hard I gripped, scratched and pulled at them they wouldn't budge. My vision started to blur and I knew that I was a goner.

I guess in a fucked up way it was sort of peaceful. I sort of lost contact with my body, like it ceased to exist at all. My chest still ached severely and the sensation in my throat was almost too unbearable, but my mind became foggy to the point where all I could see was his eyes. They glared at me like two hollows of madness, full of hatred and fury. Slowly my consciousness failed and I slipped away into the darkness.

They say your whole life flashes before your eyes the moment you die. Again – I say bullshit.

I saw nothing but darkness, thick and heavy, it consumed me entirely. The suffocation didn't cease but this was different. It was like a huge uncomfortable weight that held me down and slowly dragged me deeper. I don't quite know where the reason came from, because I was no more capable of a conscious thought than the dirt below my body but somehow I knew I had to fight it. I knew that if I didn't, that was it for me and there was no coming back.

But how do you fight against nothingness? How do you fight something so profound and dense with no limbs or body at all?

Obviously, I wasn't coherent enough for rational thought but I knew the next sensation that came to me wasn't right.

_Relief_.

But it wasn't peaceful or nice. With the relief came pain – violent and excruciating as it ripped through my chest and throat. The darkness that surrounded me was wrong, everything was wrong. I was regaining some sense of my body or at least the knowledge that it still existed. Something made contact with my face; something hard, wet and warm. Then I blinked a few hundred times but my vision only cleared at an even more confusingly slow rate. It was at some point during these disorientating moments that I realised the agony was coming from my lungs as they heaved and gasped at the cold damp air that filled them once again. I stared up at the roof of the shed my mind still battling against the haze of oxygen deprivation. It was his face that had hit me, I realised after a moment, as his spongy, blood smeared skin still rested against mine. With the small amount of strength I could muster I freed my hands and pushed his limp weight off of me. I rolled away gasping, coughing, spluttering and holding onto my throat where his hands had squeezed.

I was alive. I didn't know how, but that didn't really have priority right then. The fact is that I was, and that – along with the pain – was all that mattered.

I pulled myself up onto my hands and knees and lay my forehead down on the ground in front of me because it was easier to breathe that way and I couldn't quite muster the strength to carry any of the weight of my body that now felt like it weighed a fucking tonne. I could still hear the wild thumping in my ears as my heart pounded with adrenaline and fear, my lungs still dragging air into them in painful gasps, but despite all this I still heard the light thump of something hitting the ground from my peripheral. I lifted slightly and turned my head to the side as fast as my exhausted and faint body would allow me, swaying heavily as I was hit by a violent wave of vertigo that blurred my vision and nearly knocked me on my ass again.

"Bella," I rasped out as my vision slowly cleared. The noise grated harshly against my throat that I could feel had already begun to swell.

She didn't flinch, didn't move a muscle. She just continued to stand there and stare at the man on the floor in front of her with wide and terrified eyes. The gun lay abandoned at her feet.

"Bella, look at me", my voice grated out again, I was still panting heavily. Cautiously - and with slow, agonising speed - I pushed myself to my feet, trying my best to conquer the nausea and vertigo that pierced through me. My movements finally caught her attention and her eyes flickered to mine but still held wide with horror. I approached her slowly, partly because I was afraid any sudden movements might send her over the edge and partly due to the dizziness that was so severe that my oxygen deprived brain was having trouble comprehending balance. "Bella, it's over."

I stepped carefully over the man, making sure not to break eye contact with her. She was still shaking so violently that I was afraid she might collapse, and then just when I was within arm's reach of her she finally buckled. I reached forward for her but I was still too weak and we both fell to our knees.

Keeping one hand on my burning throat I wrapped the other around her and pulled her towards me. She fell forward, her face burying deep into my chest while her shaking hands took a firm grip on the front of my shirt.

"Edward," she whimpered against my chest, her weak voice shaking as much as her hands. "What have I done?"

I tightened my arm around her as much as I could, pulling her convulsing body in closer towards mine that shook just as intensely. A loud sob escaped her as she gripped harder to my clothing and I felt her tears start to soak the material on my chest.

Our tremors weren't doing anything to help my vertigo and I was afraid of letting her fall again so I lowered myself to the ground, bringing my hand away from my throat momentarily to steady myself before pulling her gently into my lap so that she was leaning into my chest. I positioned myself slowly to make sure that the man's body was completely obstructed from her view.

"What have I done," she continued to chant over and over again as I rocked her slowly and caressed her back with my palm.

"You're safe now, Bella," I told her, crushing her convulsing body closer to me, tightening my grip around her and doing the best I could to comfort her as she cried and shook in my arms. "We're both safe."

I knew that it was a lie. If anything, what had just happened had showed us just how unsafe we really were. He would have killed her - and me for that matter - without a second thought or trace of remorse.

As I held her tightly in my arms I couldn't understand how anyone could bring themselves to want to hurt such a gentle person. I'd done some fucked up shit in my life but that - that was totally beyond me. How he could raise his gun to her as she trembled in obvious terror and even taunt her with death was just psychotic. I hated him to the very depths of my being.

I hoped he enjoyed Hell.

_**A/N - Next update will probably be just after the weekend, unless I get lots of reviews and get motivated enough to update tomorrow. Do it guys! DOOO IT!**_


	16. Chapter 15 The Downfall Of Us All

**HEY GUYS! I'M BAAACK!**

**K, first off I know a lot of you are going to be super pissed that Moments Of Oblivion has been on hold for so long (I'm probably kidding myself here and nobody actually gives a shit) but believe me when I say that I have a super mega awesome excuse that involves disaster, drama, and sadly people losing their lives.**

**Right, well in Sept 2010 I moved to a place called Christchurch in New Zealand. Most of you wont know the significance of this so i'll explain it. On the 4th of Sept 2010 Christchurch was hit by a 7.1 earthquake that damaged a large amount of the city and left us all without power and water etc for weeks. Sadly, my laptop was a sorry victim to the quake. so Moments Of Oblivion was put on hold, again.**

**In February of 2011 a slightly smaller but immensely more destructive quake hit our beautiful city killing 185 people and completely leveling the homes of thousands. My home was one of the unlucky ones, however none of my family or friends were badly hurt which I am eternally grateful for. Since then there's been around 9,000 aftershocks that continue to damage the city. **

**At the time of the Feb quake my new laptop, which I had just replaced from the September quake, was un-insured and didn't stand a chance when my bedroom wall fell on it. Needless to say, its taken me a while to replace all of my possessions, one of which is Moments Of Oblivion.**

**BUT, it's back and hopefully better then ever. **

**So after all of that heavy stuff here's the long overdue Fifteenth chapter. Things are rolling again and since I'm in huge amounts of pain right now and can't go to work I should be able to get heaps of chapters up in the next few days :)**

CHAPTER FIFTEEN The Downfall Of Us All

**Leaning over you here, cold and catatonic**

**I catch a brief reflection of what you could and might have been**

**It's your right and your ability**

**To become… my perfect enemy…**

**(Passive – A Perfect Circle)**

**Bella**

His whole body jerked violently and then he fell, collapsing limply forward like slow motion. I saw the muscles in his body contract with the impact, then almost in the same instant his body held no strength at all and he plummeted.

I hadn't even been aware that I had pulled the trigger until it was too late. I had hesitated, too paralysed with fear as I watched Edward struggle to hold onto his last seconds of life. All colour had drained from his face, the gurgling noise coming from his mouth becoming fainter by the second as inside I slowly died right along with him.

Then came the deafening bang that exploded from between my hands.

I was paralysed, watching in shock of what I had just done. Disbelieving of what my eyes were trying to tell me. I still held the gun outstretched in front of my body. My hands shaking violently and my finger still pulled back hard on the firmness of the trigger. For a moment time froze. There was no sound, no movement, just the vision of horror lying before my eyes. Until the trickle of blood began to spill lavishly from his temple, down his cheek and dripped to the floor.

As the first drop hit the dirt a loud gasping sound came from the pile of clothing and flesh and blood in front of me. Moments later came another gasp, then another, then another until the gasps were so close together that they rolled into one and I could see Edward's body beginning to stir aggressively back to life.

I don't know what happened to make Edward start breathing again. Perhaps it was the shifting of the man's weight from his throat, possibly he had never stopped breathing entirely at all, or maybe there really was someone out there looking out for us. Either way, he was alive. I wanted to go to him, to make sure that he was okay, to wrap my arms around him and cry in relief and happiness but I couldn't move. My eyes remained fixated on the spot where the life poured from the cavern in the man's head.

He was dead.

I had killed him.

Edward coughed and gasped, rolling the man's body off of his and doubling over on all fours beside him. His whole body heaved with the force of the air his lungs were dragging in and it seemed agonising. Yet I couldn't go to him or even spare him a glance, because when he had rolled the man away he had landed face up at my feet.

Blood was smeared all over his face and still trickled from his nose and ear. His mouth was parted slightly, on a completely abnormal sort of angle and his lids had fallen faintly over his eyes. They say that eyes are the windows to your soul, but as I gazed down into his with terror in my own all I saw was lifelessness. I heard somewhere once that if you look into someone's eyes the moments after they die you can see right through to God as he stares right back at you. There was no God here, he was empty.

I remembered looking into his eyes earlier, they had been filled with rage and hatred and murderous intentions. Still, I would have chosen the fury and disgust over this any day. They were vacant and just - dead. I had sucked the life from this man. This man who somewhere had a family; a mother and a father who had raised and nurtured him, watched him grow and loved and cared for him. He had friends – maybe kids and a wife. This man had thoughts and feelings and emotions and opinions, and I had just rid the world of all of these.

My hands began to shake uncontrollably and the gun fell, slipping to the floor with a light thud. I noticed Edward move but I was still lost in the man's blank gaze.

"Bella," I heard him rasp in an almost whisper, his voice rough and grating. "Bella, look at me."

Eventually, and with great difficulty, I managed to pry my eyes from the man slowly, locking them onto Edward's. He was still on his knees, one hand on the ground while the other was held to his throat. I could see the skin below his hand was a deep raw red and had already begun to inflame. His eyes were large like mine; fear the most dominant feature among their depths as he gazed up at me.

"Bella, it's over," he scratched, getting slowly to his feet and swaying violently. He closed his eyes for a moment, steadying himself with his hand on his knee before opening his eyes again and advancing on me slowly. His eyes were watching me intently, gauging my reaction as he closed the distance between us.

"What have I done?"

Emotions, thoughts, fears, and repugnance were all churning so violently in my head that I thought for sure that they would start dripping from my nose. I collapsed, completely taking for granted that Edward was there to catch me. They say the first casualty of war is innocence and I wondered if that bullet had just destroyed mine.

He held me for what could have been hours while I cried silently into his shirt. He was patient and gentle as he caressed my hair and back slowly.

At some point during that night I was able to come to terms with what I had done. I never decided that what I had done was right, not by a long shot. His blood was still on my hands and I would have to carry that guilt around with me for the rest of my life. What I did realise was that I would rather it be his blood on my hands than Edward's. Perhaps it was wrong of me to value one person's life over another; I shouldn't have that kind of power. But I knew that Edward's life was worth it, he was worth it. I couldn't just stand there and watch as he was killed. He had tried to save my life and I had done what was necessary to protect his. I realised while I was sitting on that dirt floor wrapped in his embrace that if the guilt and remorse and even a little self-hatred I felt was the price I would have to pay to keep the life in his emotion filled eyes, then so be it. It was a small price to pay and I would accept it gladly for someone I cared for so deeply, because my feelings had far surpassed that of mere attraction.

"Bella," I heard him whisper softly, his voice still raw and scratchy. My tears had slowed and I raised my head from its position against his chest, loosening my grip on his shirt but not letting go entirely. My eyes met his and I was suddenly spellbound by the intensity of the emotion I found there. My resolve hardened as I saw into the depths of his beautiful soul. That one look could justify any form of suffering that was no doubt to come.

Very slowly he raised his hand from my back and brought it around to my cheek where he wiped away the remnants of my fallen tears. His touch was so warm and tender, his gaze so full of care and concern that I couldn't help but lean into his touch a little. I breathed in deep, absorbing as much of him as my lungs would allow. It was a reminder of just what I had almost lost. He continued to caress my cheek with his thumb, sending tingles under my skin so deep I swear they ignited my bones.

"Are you okay?" His deep voice asked softly, his eyes flickering between mine as if he was searching for the answer before I could even speak it.

"I will be," I breathed, lost in another Edward-induced coma. He almost didn't seem real. Someone so stunningly perfect couldn't exist – especially when they were looking at you the way Edward was looking at me. We just stared at each other for a long while, shamelessly gazing into the depths of each other's eyes. I had never had anyone look at me the way Edward was looking at me right then, his glorious eyes practically swimming with the depth of emotion he was projecting at me. In that moment it was easy to pretend that he felt the same way about me as I did about him.

It wasn't really something I had planned to do or even really thought about, I was just running on autopilot. I was driven entirely by the emotion in the connection of our eyes. I raised my hand slowly, unsure of what I was doing but completely incapable of stopping myself, the need to touch him was too strong to resist. Very slowly my fingers made contact with his skin lightly, the electricity sparking furiously below my touch. I let my fingers drift softly across the skin above his eyebrow and his breathing hitched minutely but his caresses of my cheek never faltered so I took it as a sign of encouragement. I ran my fingers down his cheek, his soft silky skin soon giving way to the rough texture of the light stubble that shadowed his jaw. I let my eyes drift from his as my fingers skimmed lightly over the ridge of his jawbone and started their decent down the side of his neck.

I slowed my movements, my fingers only just making contact with the tender flesh of his throat where deep red bruising was forming and darkening.

"Are you okay?" I repeated back to him, running my fingertips across the reddest parts of his neck where the man's hands had attempted to squeeze the life from him. I felt the muscles of his neck contract as he swallowed before he spoke.

"I am now," he breathed, his face so close to mine that I felt his breath on my skin, "because of you."

I let my hand slip from his neck and come to rest on his chest, my gaze lowering so that I stared blankly at the print on the front of his shirt. I was silent for a moment, contemplating my next move and having absolutely no idea how to go about it.

"I'm scared," I finally said, still avoiding his gaze.

"I know," he said softly, his tone hinting at just that as he tightened his embrace around my waist and caressed my cheek once again. "I am to."

I shook my head slowly, sadly. Building up the courage to say what I really wanted to say.

"I'm scared of being without you," I finally whispered, my voice failing me and cracking from nerves. I half hoped that he didn't hear me as his caressing movements on my cheeks faltered and I could see his throat muscles tense as he swallowed heavily. I froze right along with him, my eyes widening in anxiety as I stared at his throat.

He was silent for a long time as my heart hammered uncomfortably in my chest. I was very aware that I was still sitting in his lap, his free hand still held around my waist, his other hand lay still upon my cheek. The silence dragged on and on, my heart sinking further with every second of silence, until it became unbearable and I had to move away. I withdrew my hand from his chest and shifted in his lap in an attempt to widen the small amount of distance between us. I pushed gently with my hand on his chest so that I could stand but his hands gripped onto me tightly. I paused, shocked. My heart rate picked up slightly at the thought that maybe I hadn't screwed up as much as I had originally thought. I sat rigidly in his lap, still keeping my head bent and away from his face. Then after another agonising silence his hand slid slowly from my back, releasing me.

I stopped breathing immediately, the sudden pain in my chest making it impossible. I felt like I had been stabbed and I scuttled away from him as fast as I possibly could, unfortunately catching a glimpse at the corpse that lay on the floor behind him. I couldn't help the weak sob that escaped me as I turned away from them both, I felt sick. The weight of all that had transpired in the past few minutes crashed down on me once again.

Tears began streaming from my face and I wrapped my arms around my torso for support as I ran from the shed into the darkness. I thought for a moment that I may have heard him call my name quietly as I retreated but I didn't turn back. I couldn't.

I gathered up as much of the bags from the porch as I could carry and made my way back to my house. I could have been gunned down at any moment as I stumbled along the dark roadway, my tears were too thick and flowed too heavily for me to make out anything but the darkness of the road beneath my feet.

To be honest, I probably wouldn't have minded too much at that moment. I wasn't suicidal or anything, but the fear, and sadness, and pain, and disgust, and regret, and worst of all the rejection weighed me down so heavily that I had no emotion left to worry about survival. I was pushed to my limits.

The others were already back when I arrived which didn't surprise me much. Emmett and Jasper were behind the house packing up the Landie, but it wasn't them that I wanted to see. I met Alice almost as soon as I walked in the front door. Maybe she had been waiting for me, maybe she had seen me coming – I don't know, but I heard her gasp loudly when she opened the door to me.

"Bella, oh my god!" she cried out as I dumped the measly amount of bags to my feet. "What happened?"

I simply shook my head, unable to explain and she gripped onto my arms, trying her best to make eye contact with me as I stared at the dark floor through a haze of tears.

"Are you alright? Are you hurt? What happened?" She panicked, shaking me lightly with her hands on the top of my arms. "Bella, where's Edward?" The alarm in her voice raised further, her hands gripping me tighter.

"He's fine," I mumbled, raising my head weakly to look at her. A light gasp escaping her as she took in the expression on my face.

"He's still across the road, he'll be back soon." I said blankly, trying not to picture him there on that floor with his eyes so intense on mine. Or moments before that only seconds from death…

Alice's eyebrows pulled together as her gaze interrogated me intently.

"Why isn't he with you?" she probed. "Bella, tell me what happened."

I sighed, dropping my gaze back to the floor. "I... there was..." I stumbled. "...we, ran into someone..."

"Who?"

"A soldier," I said simply. Because that was all that he was to me, a uniform. I didn't know who he was. I didn't know all of those little things you need to know before can really say that you know a person. Hell, I didn't even know his first name.

"Oh, god," she gasped, bringing her hand to her throat.

"I killed him, Alice," I choked out to the carpet, my voice barely audible.

She gasped again loudly and swore. She seemed to be doing that a lot lately, I didn't like it. It was so ugly on her.

"Bella, I'm so sorry," she said, taking her hands from my arms and pulling me into a tight hug.

I had no tears left to cry, I was back to feeling numb.

The rest of the night passed in a blur. Edward arrived a little while later with the rest of the supplies from the Barlow's. Of course, I couldn't avoid him completely but I sure as hell tried my best. We loaded up the Landie and the Ute. It was a tight squeeze but we made it all fit somehow. The entire time I was around him I kept my head down and gaze firmly away from him. I knew that Alice could tell that something else was up but thankfully she didn't mention it in front of him. Obviously they all noticed the bruises around his neck instantly and as soon as he began his explanation about what had gone down at the Barlow's I mumbled something about needing to go toilet and disappeared inside hastily. Alice followed me after only a minute or two and I knew now that we were alone again she wouldn't hesitate to have me fill in the gaps, and I wasn't disappointed.

"Bella, talk to me," she pleaded with me for the second time that night the moment she saw me sitting quietly on the sofa in the darkened lounge room.

I knew there was no point in hedging. Like Alice had said, we never kept secrets from each other – ever, and I wasn't about to start now. No matter how much I didn't want to talk about it. She would respect that, but I wouldn't do that to her.

"He doesn't want me, Alice," I sighed after a moment, attempting to hold back the tears that were threatening to break me out of my numb state.

She gasped, the same way she had when I had told her I had murdered a person. I looked over at her briefly. The almost exact expression painted over her features.

"You told him how you feel?" she questioned, shock still thick in her voice.

"Not in so many words," I mumbled, "but the intent was clear."

"And what'd he say?" she asked cautiously, shifting in her seat beside me so that her body was completely square to the side of mine. I continued to face forward, my eyes diverted from hers, but I could still feel her gaze on my face.

"Absolutely nothing."

There was a brief, stunned pause. "Nothing?" she finally asked in a small, worried voice.

I shook my head and she was silent again.

"Idiot," I heard her mutter under her breath after a moment. Growling in frustration she flopped back onto the cushions.

"Are you really that surprised?" I asked bitterly. "Because I wasn't."

She held her hand up in a stop gesture, keeping her glaze away from me this time but frowning at the darkness.

"I'm not even going to bother with a response to that," she sort of growled at me, her answer clear in her tone. "Look Bella, maybe he just needs a little while to think everything through. It's been a full on night," she sat up suddenly catching my eye. "Scrap that, it's been a full on week. We're all dealing with a lot right now, especially you two. Give him a chance to sort himself out a little, he'll come around. Don't worry."

"I don't think so, Alice," I said softly, ignoring the slight ache in my chest that flared at my own words.

"Well I do," she said confidently, reaching over and grabbing my hand firmly. "Just don't give up hope, okay?"

"Hope is what got me here Alice," I said, unable to hide the sorrow in my voice. "Hope only makes it hurt so much more when I realise how incredibly one sided this whole thing is."

"Bella," she pleaded, giving me a stern look before pulling me into another firm hug. I cringed and inhaled sharply through my teeth as she jolted my shoulder sending shots of pain through the area. She froze and withdrew quickly. "God, I'm sorry!" she apologised quickly, moving back from me with eyes full of concern.

"It's okay," I assured her, keeping my voice level despite the discomfort. "It's just a little tender still." That was a lie, it ached terribly, and almost constantly. But it was nothing that I couldn't handle and keep to myself.

She was halfway through apologising again when we heard a sudden rumble from outside. We both jumped, our nerves already totally shot to shit. It was the Landrover; I recognised the engine noise the next moment and felt stupid for being so frightened.

"Time to go," I announced, raising from the couch and dragging her after me. She breathed an audible sigh of relief and followed me out the front door to the driveway. Emmett was already positioned behind the driver's seat of the Landie and I stepped out onto the porch just in time to see Edward disappear into the backseat. I paused, internally crying at the thought of being stuck in the small space with his intoxicating scent for the next half hour or so. We were carrying a lot of gear, it would be a slow trip.

I was about to move down the steps when I felt Alice brush up beside me. "You can ride with Jasper if you want," she offered in a low voice so that the others couldn't hear through the rolled down windows on the Landie.

I followed her gaze to the Ute that was parked further down the drive. Jasper's blonde curls visible in the moonlight behind the windscreen.

"Are you sure?" I asked, feeling really grateful that she'd even offered.

"Of course," she smiled, rolling her eyes a little. "I think I can handle one trip without him."

I went to thank her but she was already headed towards the Landie, slipping gracefully into the passenger's seat beside Emmett which I presumed had been left vacant for me.

I shuffled my way over to the Ute and got in, closing the door with a timid click. I don't know why I felt so bad. I wasn't nervous around Jasper or anything. Like most of the kids in Forks we had grown up together so I had known him for years and I was very comfortable around him. It was hard not to be, Jasper was just a really laid back kind of guy. I guess I just wasn't looking for any attention tonight, I needed time to think and sort my head out because it was still so incredibly mixed up. Unfortunately I knew that being the only two in the cab meant that conversation was inevitable.

Jasper gave me a gentle smile and started the engine and we pulled out of the drive slowly, following Emmett in convoy. I stared out the window as the house began to disappear from view. I wasn't sure when, or if I would ever see it again and if I did; I didn't know what state it would be in. I'd spent my entire life in that house; Renee had almost had to give birth to me in it before Charlie came home and rushed her to the hospital. Every inch of that place had a story or a memory attached to it that I really didn't want to let go of. Eventually the darkness concealed it and I distracted myself by directing Jasper across the farm. I knew every hill and hole in this land like I knew my own face so we travelled without lights, the moon was bright enough to illuminate our path well enough and I would tell Jasper to flash his lights whenever there was a hazard coming up so that Emmett could turn his own on. Alice or Rosalie would open the gates and I would close them.

To my surprise Jasper and I travelled mostly in silence, but it wasn't uncomfortable. Jasper had his weird auror about him that always made me relaxed, in this case however, the comfort made me weary and tired. I wasn't too worried about myself but I knew that Jasper must be pretty exhausted too. Normally I would have just cranked up the radio, but that wasn't really an option for us at the moment.

I gazed over at him, looking for signs of fatigue. He looked a little tired, his eyes weren't as wide as they normally were – but that could have been because of the poor visibility. He noticed my gaze and offered me a tender smile.

"How are you holding up?" He asked, shifting his eyes back to our path. I figured it would be a question I would be getting a lot for a while, and I tried not to be impatient with it. They were only concerned for me after all.

"I'm okay," I said in as light a tone as I could manage. He smiled steadily to the windscreen and looked like he was about to say something when his eyes suddenly grew gigantic, his mouth halting half open and an instant later he hit the brakes, hard.

I went flying forward, my palms crashing into the dashboard as the seatbelt tightened painfully around my shoulder and neck before I was flung back into the seat. My head snapped up the instant I had my balance back and I saw the figure of a man moving in between the two vehicles.

In a matter of seconds about five different things happened almost simultaneously; Jasper hit the lever, the headlights of the Ute flicking on and burning brightly through the dark night blinding us all.

Emmett's door flung open and he stepped out quickly, leaning back in temporarily before emerging again with a rifle in his hand.

He then started advancing on the back of the Landie with the gun raised in front of him and his finger gripped firmly around the trigger.

The man turned his head away from the light, his large hands coming up to shield his eyes from the glare.

I recognised his dark skin and long hair immediately.

Jacob Black.

**It's a bit messier than I would have hoped but I was to anxious to get it up and get this show back on the road to do a proper job at betaing my work. I hope it wasn't too terrible. **


	17. Chapter 16 The Other Side Of Dawn

**A/N - Hey Team! Yup, I failed again. This took waay too long and there's decent excuses for it but your all over my excuses right now so I'll shut the hell up so you can read.**

_CHAPTER SIXTEEN The Other Side Of Dawn_

_There is a Hell, believe me I've seen it_

_There is a Heaven, let's keep it a secret_

_(Crucify Me – Bring Me The Horizon)_

Emmett advanced further, both hands gripping tightly to the rifle as he peered through the bright headlights at the strange figure of a man between us.

My hand moved to the door as I fumbled around for the handle blindly. Jaspers hand shot out quickly, taking a firm grip on my opposite forearm.

"Bella, stay here," he half commanded, but it was too late, my fingers wrenched on the handle and I flung the door open shaking him off in the process.

"Stop, Emmett!" I screamed, my voice echoing through the still night as I flung my body out of the seat. I saw Jacob flinch; disorientated at the loud noise, as Emmett took another quicker step forward, raising the rifle so that the scope was up to his eye.

I increased my pace, sprinting directly at Jacob and wrapping my arms around him tightly as our bodies collided. It probably wasn't the best idea as his arms raised defensively and he went to fight me off, still blinded and blatantly startled. I gripped tighter to him, afraid that if I let go now I might be hit by a back hand or an elbow.

"Jake, it's me," I cried out to him while holding myself closer. Without a seconds hesitation he held back his huge arm which was about to throw me off of him, his face pulling back to stare down at me.

"Bells." He breathed in astonishment making my name sound more like a question than a statement.

"Yeah Jake, it's me," I choked out, tears already streaming down my cheeks and my arms still squeezing him tightly. I was beyond ecstatic. I had resigned myself to the fact that I wouldn't be seeing anyone outside of our group that I cared for for a very long time. Yet standing right here in front of me was someone who definitely had a large piece of my heart. Aside from Alice, Jake was my oldest friend. Like Esme and Renee, Jakes' father and Charlie had been friends since the beginning of time. Sunday night roasts had almost always included the Blacks, so Jake and I were sort of like a dysfunctional extended family. Jake's one talent as a kid had been his ability to climb any tree like a monkey on crack, I'd spent days trying to hunt him down through the trees around our house. He'd grown a heck of a lot since then but judging by the sheer size and solidness of his arms I was willing to bet that absolutely nothing had changed.

God, I had missed him.

Jake's arms wrapped around me even tighter than I had been holding him until I couldn't breathe, but I didn't care. I was crying and laughing both at the same time, blindsided and overwhelmed for the millionth time today, I felt like I might explode.

"Jacob?" A voice came from behind us and we both turned in our embrace to see Emmett standing beside the back of the Landie, the rifle hanging limply at his side and the most confused expression painted all over his features. "Well fuck me."

They exchanged a glance for a moment before Jake loosened his grip on me. I let him go grudgingly and he took a step over towards Emmett.

"Thanks, but I'll pass. You're not really my type, Emmett," he said in his typical cocky way.

Emmett suddenly burst into laughter and grabbed Jake by the shoulder, pulling him into a manly bear hug, finishing it with a stiff pat on the back. They withdrew after only a second, putting an appropriate amount of space back between their bodies. I subtly rolled my eyes.

Males.

"Jacob fucking Black," Emmett measured in a disbelieving tone, shaking his head slowly, "What the hell are you doing all the way out here?"

"That, is a long fucking story."

The other's started getting out of the vehicles slowly. Alice, I noticed was half carried out by Edward as he impatiently climbed out of the middle seat. Jacob of course already knew Alice quite well and after she had leapt up and hugged the shit out of him much like I had, Emmett introduced the others.

"I don't mean to be an ass, but was anyone planning on switching off the headlights any time soon? I've enough of being shot at for one day." Jake asked in his typical brash way despite the unease that was radiating from him. Jake had a bit of a reputation for being an asshole. He was the most confident person I had ever met, but it was part of the reason that I loved him. Under his cocky and arrogant exterior he was warm and caring and loyal, he just only ever showed that side to a very select few.

"Oh shit, yeah, of course," Jasper growled, swinging his hand back in through the driver's door and bathing us all in darkness once again.

"What's got you all on edge?" Emmett questioned as we all stood around waiting for our eyes to adjust again. I rolled my eyes in the dark though nobody could see it. As if being in the middle of an invasion wasn't a legitimate enough reason for someone to be a little 'on edge'.

"I don't know how much you guys know about what's going on, but there's quite a few people who would love a piece of me right now," he said, the fear barely evident in his casual tone. I shuffled closer to him and found his hand, squeezing it supportively and feeling him squeeze back. "I escaped from the showground about five and a half hours ago."

I heard a few gasps from around the group, as well as another muttered "fuck me" from Emmett. My eyes had slowly begun to adjust to the darkness, I could barely make out the contours of Jake's face beside me but I could see when he turned towards me.

"Charlie? Renee?" I whispered the question, my heart beginning to pound wildly in my chest. He had to know something about them, I just wasn't sure if it was something that I wanted to hear.

He squeezed my hand gently. "They're fine, Bella," he reassured me before pausing and rephrasing. "Well, they're as good they can be in that hell hole," his voice darkened but I couldn't help the huge wave of relief that crashed over me at his words, despite the fact that his sentence had included the phrase "hell hole" which shouldn't have made me feel so relieved. Never the less, I felt like I was Atlas and the weight of the whole world had just been taken off of my shoulders. A new round of warm tears spilled over my cheeks but I couldn't help but smile.

They were alive.

"There was a bit of retaliation in the first few days," he continued. "Obviously people like Charlie weren't about to roll over and let these fools walk all over them. We fought back a bit, there was a group of us who managed to hit them pretty hard. Charlie, of course, was one of the ringleaders," I could almost hear the roll of his eyes, "but we were out matched and outnumbered by like twenty to one. They didn't take it easy on some of us either, Bells. I guess these guys were out to assert their dominance over all of us, and they sure as hell put the fear into most people. They wanted to make an example of your dad and a few others by degrading them in front of everyone. They were pretty brutal to some of the guys. Charlie got off reasonably easy though. They broke his arm and bruised him up a bit but it was nothing compared to what some of the others got. This one guy got beaten half to death, they broke his jaw and his nose and a few ribs no doubt. Lucky Doctor Cullen was there to look after him," he added, turning to Alice and giving her a light smile. She looked like she was about to pass out and I heard a desperate sob escape her as Jasper moved to her side. I risked a glance over at Edward. He was faced away from the rest of the group, staring out into the darkness with his arms folded tightly over his chest and a vacant expression on his face.

"Doctor Cullen's wife, Esme isn't it?" Jake asked, and Alice nodded enthusiastically even though her body was trembling. "She and Renee have been helping him out a lot, mainly with the elderly and the really sick. The conditions there are pretty shitty and I don't think a lot of them are going to make it much longer. Esme and Renee have been trying to make them as comfortable as possible but these asshole soldiers won't give Doctor Cullen shit. They were at least decent enough to fetch him his medical bag from his car in the parking lot, but he's limited in what he can do and you can tell that it's weighing him down."

That sounded just like Carlisle. The happiest moments of his life were when he was helping someone in need and now that there were so many and he could do so little... I hated to think of the kind of pressure he was putting himself under.

"The wounded are the worst," Jake continued. "If it's a bullet wound then the soldiers treat you like you don't exist. Some of them are dying in the most cruel ways. Doctor Cullen's good, but nobody's that good."

"How's Dad?" Emmett asked apprehensively after a moment.

"He's alright. He was part of the group that rebelled, but like Charlie he didn't get knocked around too badly. He took down quite a few of them though, broke one soldiers nose. It took four guys to finally take _him_ down in the end. I think they were a little afraid to punish him after that, they aimed for the little guys instead."

Like Emmett, his dad was a big guy. I wasn't surprised that they were intimidated by him, most of Forks was. They just didn't take the time to get to know him and see how much of a teddy bear he was, especially when it came to Emmett. That boy could do no wrong in his eyes.

Emmett smiled and a huge grin spread across his face. "That's my old man," he laughed proudly. "What about Mum?"

"She's surviving along with the rest of them. She's been helping out in the kitchen a lot, making that shit they call food almost bearable," Jake practically spat, scrunching his face up in disgust.

Emmet smiled again and nodded. "That woman could make dog shit taste good. She's fucking talented, she is." I don't know what it was about Jake that brought out the filthiness in Emmett's mouth but when they were together they both swore like sailors. I think secretly Emmett was a little intimidated by Jake, and it was hard not to be – he was confident for a good reason. Jacob was hot. Not in the way I drooled over Edward, but rugged and handsome. Where Edward's good looks were pure and natural and soft, Jake was buff and brilliant. From a very young age her had girls flocking to him, even girls years older than him that were borderline paedophilic. Jake was almost as big as Emmett in muscle but his skin was a deep russet tan that girls seemed to fall over.

"What about our parents?" Rosalie asked in a small voice, cutting Emmett off.

Jake looked at her puzzled for a moment, his brows pulling together in contemplation.

"Snow, or rain, or something, right?"

"Hale," Jasper answered, his composure barely faltering.

"Hale, yeah. Solicitors, fancy house on the hill?"

I looked over at Rosalie waiting for the violent torrent of aggression to be unleashed upon Jake. She hated it when people talked about her family like that and normally she would have ripped Jakes head off – but not this time. She nodded her head passively, her eyes wide and fearful.

"Yeah, they're fine. They keep to themselves quite a lot, didn't put up a fight at all."

"You say that like it's a bad thing," Rosalie finally snapped, the venom practically seeping between her teeth as she spoke. Apparently the news of her parents' safety had been enough to bring back her volatile temper.

Jake shook his head quickly, holding up his hand to Rosalie which possibly angered her even more.

"Not at all Hun', chill," he subdued with an amused smirk. "They'll have the easiest time out of all of them. They're being smart and lying low. Once you piss these guys off there's no going back. Me, for example, they are going to shoot on sight if they ever get their hands on me."

"What happened? How'd you get out?" I asked quickly before he could piss Rosalie off anymore and find out what _she _was capable of.

He sighed and I ran a hand through his dark hair, much the same way Edward did... I banished these thoughts. "It wasn't easy, trust me. I'm really not proud of what I did either okay so don't judge me on this or anything, but I sort of...flirted my way out."

"You, what?" Emmett snorted in amusement.

"I flirted," Jake repeated, his voice less embarrassed and more proud at Emmett's reaction, "with one of the guards. She was a conscript from what I could work out. Though communicating with her was kind of hard since none of them speak any English, so I don't really know for sure. Anyway, long story short I managed to lead her on enough to get her to sneak me out of my tent tonight and away from all the guards, and then I, uh, escaped," he hedged, shrugging.

"How'd you manage to do that?" Emmett probed. "You tie her up or something?"

"Something like that..." Jake mumbled and Emmett roared with laughter, the noise echoing all around us.

"Dude that is some top notch shit! I am well fucking impressed," he bellowed, almost doubling over with laughter.

"Do you know anything about my parents?" Angela asked, her voice trembling and her volume barely audible over Emmett's continuing laughter.

"Uh, sorry for asking," Jake said, turning to Angela and rubbing the back of his head, "but what was your last name again?"

"Webber," she answered quickly. "My parents are Mark and Mary."

"Webber...Webber," he mumbled to himself for a moment, then shook his head slowly. "Sorry, but it doesn't ring a bell."

Angela whimpered, wrapping her arms around herself and nodding softly as tears fell instantly down her dainty cheeks. My stomach clenched once more in sympathy for her.

Jake reached out a hand and put it on her shoulder softly. "That's a good thing, don't worry. The names of all the people who we knew had been killed were pretty well known. If they had have been one of them then I would have recognised your name. Were they definitely at the show?"

Angela sniffed back a few tears and nodded.

"Then they'll be fine," he said softly, squeezing her shoulder gently and offering her a brilliant and honest smile before pulling back.

"Are there many?" Edward asked from the darkness, his tone even and low. "People who have been killed," he elaborated after a moment.

"Yeah, a few," the instant drop in Jake's disposition was unmistakeable. "About forty or fifty on show day and maybe another four dozen or so since then. They brought back some of the bodies of the people they hunted down to the showground and made us bury them, but I'll bet that there's been heaps more. I guess they were probably trying to make a statement and it sure as hell worked on some people."

Everyone was silent for quite a long time. I don't know about the others, but I was just waiting for someone to ask the names of those he did know were dead but couldn't quite bring myself to say it. I knew that most - if not all, of the names on that list would be familiar to me. It made me feel ill.

"The lights in town," Edward continued after a moment, "that was them looking for you?"

Jake almost seemed happy for the change of subject as he turned away from our worried faces back to Edward.

"Yeah, I thought I'd gotten away with it. I really did. Then the next thing I knew the damn street lights were all flicking back on and there were scary motherfuckers with guns everywhere," he explained. "I can't even begin to tell you how lucky I was to make it out of town in one piece. I planned on heading back to the Res'. I figured, since I know the place like the back of my hand, that it'd be a good place to lay low for a while. That's how I ended up here; I decided Tailor's was probably the safest route. That was until I heard vehicles coming and damn near shat myself. Lucky for me I can recognise that truck of Bella's from a mile away."

Emmett looked like he was about to make some kind of smart ass comment but Edward cut him off before I had a chance to.

"Is there any chance they could have followed you here?"

"Nah, I doubt it. I took a pretty roundabout route. And unless they knew that I was headed for the Res' they would have thought I was leading them towards Port Angeles."

Edward nodded, satisfied, and became silent again.

"Well," Emmett started, having recovered from his childish behaviour and slipping back into the leadership role he seemed to have taken on over the last few days. "Looks like we've got one more person to help with unloading all of this crap but perhaps we should get a move on, eh. It'll be getting light soon."

"You're going back up to the old campsite?" Jake asked a little sceptically. It wasn't much of a hiding place and if I was him I would have been sceptical too. I smiled and shook my head. He and his father had come camping with my family a few times before Billy's accident.

"Further."

He frowned at me, the scepticism rising in his expression and tone. "You're going to try and get into Hell?" he asked, slightly amused.

I shook my head again, smiling smugly.

"We're going _back_ into Hell."

"You're fucking with me!" he growled, his eyes nearly popping out of his head.

"I didn't believe it at first either," Jasper piped in, "but she got us down there."

"Well fuck me," he breathed and Emmett laughed.

We loaded up quickly after that.

The Landie was packed up tightly so Jake squeezed in with Jasper and I in my truck as we began the long trek up the side of Mt Martin.

"What was it like?" Jasper asked after a few minutes of silence. "In the showground, I mean."

"I guess that it was exactly what you would have expected from a POW camp," he shrugged, keeping his eyes diverted out his window. "They just piled everyone into these huge tents for the first twenty-four hours. No food, no blankets, no toilet, no explanations. It was pretty rough, some people got fucking hysterical. It didn't help that they kept dragging more and more people in, full of bullets and covered in bruises. Plus, nobody could get any kind of information out of them since none of them spoke a word of English except "No" and "I kill you" that kinda bullshit. It was justifiably terrifying but eventually this big official looking guy wandered in and started ranting and raving at these soldiers. None of us could understand what the hell he was yelling about but the soldiers all began to look really worried. A few hours later about a hundred dingy camp stretchers appeared. They weren't nearly enough and it caused quite a few fights to break out with people being assholes and whatever but it was better than nothing I suppose. They fed us a little while after that, a few spoonfuls of this mush I presume was meant to be mashed potatoes and a few slices of stale bread. They finally let us start using the showground bathrooms too but showers were a definite "no", so I apologise for the stench," he added with a small smirk.

I shrugged and Jasper laughed.

"We all smell pretty badly right now, you'll fit in nicely," he reassured him.

"Good to know," Jake laughed. "Well after that they just kind of let us do our own thing. They assigned some jobs to a few people, mainly cleaning up after the soldiers and cooking. Things started declining after a few days, though. Occasionally one of the guards would just snap and beat the crap out of someone, just for the hell of it. Then one night a girl was dragged from the tent in the middle of the night. They raped her and smacked her around a bit, but that was the last straw for most people. The next day was when Charlie rallied us together to finally fight back and try to take back some control; but if anything it just made things worse. That's why I didn't hesitate when I saw a way out."

"I'm real sorry, man," Jazz sympathized after a few moments of emotionally charged silence.

He turned and gave Jazz a tight smile. "Yeah, so am I."

"It's not that much easier out here," I warned.

"Yeah, I get that," he agreed, "but trust me, I'd rather be here than there."

"We'll have to make some tough choices out here," Jasper said very seriously, his eyes flicking to me. "Some of us already have."

My stomach twisted again and I stared intently out of the front windscreen at the darkness, while I tried my best to wipe the image of the man's lifeless body from my eyes, the stench of blood from my nostrils and the feeling of wrong and disgust from my mind.

We got to Tailor's just as the sky was turning from a deep black to grey. There was no point in trying to lug all of the gear down the hill so we grabbed as much as we could carry – the most important things being pillows and blankets - and trudged off down the trail. Tired and weary we stumbled our way into camp a half hour later, our exhaustion weighing us all down. I didn't even have the energy to feel embarrassed about Edward or devastated about the man whose life I had taken. Instead, I kept my head down and watched one foot move in front of the other, leading me back to Hell.

**This chapter... not my best work, but it's one of those awkward transition chapters that needed to happen. I re-wrote this at least 6 times but couldn't get Jake quite right yet. The next few chapters are heaps better, promise. **

**See You in a few days...**


	18. Chapter 17 Wounds That Never Heal

**Shits been hectic, this took ages. Sorry all. On with the show.**

_CHAPTER SEVENTEEN Wounds That Never Heal_

_I'm lost and alone in my head_

_And I can't make sense of myself_

_I need to find a simple away_

_To make this pain just disappear_

_I know I'll never feel_

_Safe in my own skin_

_No matter how long I'm gone for_

_It's at the back of my mind_

_Another sleepless night_

_Somebody get me home_

_**BTN – Architects**_

Like our last night in Hell before we returned to Forks, my sleep was restless and uneasy. There were still shadows surrounding my dreams, darkness and fear, but as I walked amongst the gloom the dark figures were no longer lurking around me, they began to push in on me. Their darkness was thick and suffocating like a toxic foul veil that seemed to nourish itself with my fear. I tried to move away - to run from the shadows, but they were all around me, surrounding me from every side. Slowly they advanced, dark and menacing, and I fell to the ground trembling in fear.

I waited, feeling their severity all around me. I waited - but they never came.

When I had mustered the courage I looked up hesitantly, but the dark shadows were gone. In their place stood two angels - Renee and Charlie, wide smiles spread across their warm and glowing faces. They pulled me to my feet and wrapped me in their warm embraces, clutching me tightly to them from both sides. I felt their strength roll through me, extinguishing the darkness the shadows had brought to my heavy limbs. I closed my eyes and leaned into them, soaking up all of their love and warmth and tranquillity.

Then, as quickly as their comfort had come, it was retreating. Their arms became hard and cold and constricting, they squeezed and pulled and pushed on me with twice the force of the lethal shadows. I called out for them to stop, I even struggled against their grip but nothing would make them relent. Their smiling, happy faces contorted and blurred until I couldn't distinguish them anymore and only their eyes remained. Cold and harsh they glared at me, boiling with hatred and anger. I wanted to get away from their rage as they bored down on me and I began thrashing harder with my sluggish and heavy limbs when abruptly their grip was gone and the form around me was falling as my hands pushed them away. I could hear the thump as one solitary body hit the ground, the sickening crack as bone fell against a stronger opponent echoing around me. I looked down at the body in front of me in sheer terror. A huge gaping hole had been pushed into the chest where my hands had been, they left nothing but a mangled, bloody mess. My hands were now dripping with the hot sticky life that flowed from the dark body. This faceless form had fallen, destroyed by my hands yet still its eyes remained. Cold and empty they peered at me, a catalyst that I could feel was sucking the life from my body. I felt the weight of despair crash down over me so intensely that my knees buckled and I was falling again...

I awoke screaming, my body jolting up from the imaginary impact as I trembled and panted, cold sweat dampening the clothing that still seemed to suffocate me.

"Bella?" A terrified voice called from beside me and I turned to see Alice's wide eyes staring at me in fear from behind her spiky hair. I stared back at her from behind my tears, soft sobs spluttering from my mouth as I ran my hand down my face in an effort to calm myself.

Alice's body was pressed against me instantly, her hand shooting out to wipe away the hair that had stuck to my forehead with sweat.

"Bella, it's just a nightmare," she whispered softly, stroking my damp hair. "Are you okay?"

I told her that I was, but we both knew it was a lie. We lay there together for a while as I tried to control my breathing and settle my heart rate before I slowly drifted back off to a sleep that ironically was almost as tiring as staying awake. When I did awaken again many hours later it took me a few disorientating minutes to realise that I had slept through the entire day, only to awaken to the dull light of dusk. I still felt exhausted and dead, but my body was sore and my stomach cramped uncomfortably in a sickening type of hunger that ironically made the thought of eating slightly nauseating. Alice's side of the tent was empty and I could hear a few distinct voices drifting across the clearing from the direction of the creek. With great physical exertion I dragged myself out of my sleeping bag before relieving myself quickly. The day was warm and bright but the light only hurt my eyes and made it hard for me to see. I stumbled along to the fire where a few of the others were gathered, my exhaustion making me even more inept than usual. I took a seat beside the low burning embers without really looking at anyone. I did notice however as Rosalie passed me a large bowl of stringy chicken noodles which for some reason smelt extremely unappealing. I presumed that nobody really had the energy to cook anything really substantial and I couldn't blame them in the slightest. I stared down at the food, regarding the stringy food as more of a devious foe than a nutritious meal. Never the less my stomach was twisting uncomfortably so I twirled a few strands around my fork and popped them in my mouth. It was a hard effort to chew and swallow the food, it felt soggy and wrong in my mouth and all I really wanted to do was spit it out. Not wanting to offend anyone I persevered and finished my mouthful while completely losing my fictional appetite. The others chattered nonchalantly around me as I pushed the noodles around the bowl, feeling no temptation to put them in my mouth whatsoever. I felt the stodgy noodles move uncomfortably down into my stomach followed almost instantly by a queasiness that began to churn inside me. It wasn't too terrible but it definitely wasn't right. I placed the bowl down on the ground, the smell aggravating my stomach more aggressively.

"I'm not really hungry, I think I'm going to go back to bed," I said softly to no one in particular except for the fire. "Thanks for the food Rosalie," I added as I lifted myself from beside the fire and left them all quietly feeling their eyes watching me as I left.

I lay in my sleeping bag for a long time, waiting for the nausea to dissipate. It took a while but eventually my stomach settled down. My body still felt heavy and exhausted but no matter how long I lay there I couldn't seem to get any sleep. Every time I closed my eyes I would see _his_ cold dead eyes staring back at me from behind my eyelids and a new wave of disgust would wash over me until I couldn't hide from it anymore.

I, Bella Swan, was no longer a carefree and innocent seventeen year old girl. I was a murderer.

The reality of it made me want to heave up the noodles all over again and I finally recognised that the nausea wasn't the food at all. I felt like the lowest of low like the very fabric of my identity was ripping at the seams.

No matter how hard I tried I couldn't help but wonder about his life. About what kind of person he _really_ was, aside from all this war and fighting and hatred. It could have been hours that I lay there staring at the roof of my tent, growing more and more sickened by my actions.

What would Charlie and Renee say if they knew?

I suddenly felt a weird sort of connection to the hermit that had once inhabited this basin. Shame was what had led him to hide himself from the world. Shame at the lives he had taken and destroyed. Perhaps Hell was his own self-imposed prison, a way of punishing himself with solitude. I could empathise with that. Then again, perhaps it was just cowardice.

I never considered myself a religious person, but I couldn't help but wonder what it all meant for me. Was I destined for eternal damnation after death? Living in the middle of a war didn't seem much better.

For hours these thoughts swum continuously through my head, churning like my sickened stomach. Eventually, I heard footsteps approaching my tent, they weren't light like Alice's and I hid my head and groaned silently. I thought that Edward might come looking for me eventually but I really wasn't in the right frame of mind to face him yet, aside from the fact that I was still far too humiliated and hurt to even be in his presence. The footsteps slowed and then stopped outside the door flap and I held my breath.

"Bells, you awake?" Came a low voice that I hadn't been expecting at all.

"Jake?" I whispered, both relieved and saddened at the same time. As much as I didn't want to see Edward right now I couldn't deny that I craved his presence.

"Yeah, it's me," he whispered back. "Can I come in for a sec?"

"Yeah, sure," I answered, forcing something a little less pathetic into my tone. Hearing the zip slide open immediately, I sat up and shuffled over to make some room. The tent wasn't exactly big and Jake took up a lot of space these days. He smiled at me widely before sitting down on his backside at my feet and I rearranged my features into something a little less sad and a little friendlier.

"Sorry about the night time visit, I don't tend to sleep much these days. I hope I didn't wake you."

"It's okay," I shook my head, "I don't think I'll be sleeping much tonight."

"Bells, you look like shit," He said, cutting straight to the chase and sparing the bullshit. His face told me he was genuinely concerned, he usually never showed this amount of sincerity around other girls. He'd said once that I was the only exception. My voice must have given away just how terrifying and unobtainable sleep had become for me.

I dropped my eyes from his gaze and shook my head. The last thing I wanted to do was talk about the soldier - or Edward.

"Okay," he said after only a moment's hesitation, shrugging it off. He was never the type to push someone into talking if they didn't want to. "I just came to see how you were anyway. It seems like forever since we caught up. I missed ya." I looked back at him again in time to see him flash another one of his cheeky grins that reminded me of when we used to hang out as kids. Jake's smile was one of my favourites, second only to Edward's.

Ugh.

"Yeah, I know. I missed you to Jake. It seems like since the accident I haven't really got to see you that much, but I can understand why," I said, feeling bad instantly that I had even brought it up. A little over a year ago Jake's Dad had been hit by a drunk driver while he was coming back from the reservation. Before then Jake used to go to Fork's High, but he started going to school on the res after that so he could keep an eye on his dad since his mom wasn't around anymore. I sort of admired him for that. He was a year younger than me, only fifteen when his dad had the accident, and I always thought it was amazingly selfless of him to give up being a normal teenage boy so that he could help his Dad out, especially since his social life had been so important to him. The amount of maturity a sacrifice like that took was incredible. We'd tried our best to keep in touch but the distance grew to be too much and I barely saw him at all anymore.

He shrugged again. "Yeah, Dad's a bit of a handful but he's not too bad. He's getting grumpy in his old age though." He laughed, low and energetically, I couldn't help but smile. Billy always was a tough nut, he never took insolence from anyone, but he was a softy inside and was one of the kindest people I had ever met.

"Don't you dare let him hear you calling him old," I warned. "I tried it on Charlie once, just as a joke. He's been trying to hide his grey hairs for years now, I think he's one more strand away from buying a ridiculously powerful car or something."

We both laughed, but it felt weird. I hadn't laughed in what seemed like a lifetime, and I didn't feel like I should anymore. My laughter turned sour very quickly and I stopped. If you told me a few hours ago that I would be laughing tonight then I probably would have laughed just at the mere stupidity of the idea. Yet here I was. Jake always had that kind of effect on me; his carefree attitude was kind of infectious. He was the most secure person I had ever met. He knew who he was and made no apologies to anyone who didn't like it, arrogance and all. He definitely noticed my awkwardness because his laughter died down and he became silent again.

"He'd be real proud of you if he could see you now, you know," he said softly, making a point to keep eye contact with me so that I couldn't dismiss his statement. I felt my stomach knot up immediately. Talking, or even thinking about my parents was a sensitive matter but it was hard not to. These last few days my mind had been a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions but the two things that had stood out so clearly had been my parents and Edward. Now of course I'd added a third element, the man whose life I'd taken away sat well towards the forefront of my thoughts.

"I'm not so sure about that," I whispered, dropping my eyes from his to the top of my sleeping bag again.

"Why the hell not?" He argued. "You're alive. That's a fucking achievement right there. You're not dead, and you're not captured, plus you've all got your priorities sorted. I know for a fact that Charlie would be proud of the way you all have handled yourselves by gathering supplies and finding a safe place to hide. You've done everything they used to teach us when we were kids.."

I smiled up at him half heartedly but didn't make eye contact.

After a moment he sighed before turning and slouching back into a more comfortable position at my side. "Look Bells, I don't want to pry, but you've been my friend since like – forever, and I know when something is really getting to you," he said, using a serious tone that I barely ever heard coming from Jake. He was an emotional and caring guy when he wanted to be, don't get me wrong, but he usually chose to deal with the tough stuff with sarcasm and a slap on the back. "I get that were all dealing with this whole invasion thing, and that's big enough on its own but I have the feeling that it's something more. The others know but I didn't want to ask them, I wanted to hear it from you. It doesn't have anything to do with that new Cullen guy does it? You two both looked really awkward around each other."

My head snapped up when he mentioned Edward, but Jake just sat there patiently and waited. "Mason," I corrected him, "and no, not really. He's not the biggest thing I'm dealing with right now." I admitted, before failing to suppress a sigh.

"Well," he said, shuffling a little closer to my side and reclining back onto his elbows casually, "let's start with the little things and maybe we might be able to deal with what's really going on later."

"Jake really, you don't want to hear this," I warned. He had just escaped from a makeshift POW camp and here I was, about to spill my guts about some guy who had turned me down. No matter how amazing Edward was, he still failed in comparison to what Jake had been through.

"If it's bothering you then it's bothering me," he said in a very matter-of-fact tone that almost had me cracking a smile. "You've got a thing for him, don't you?"

I looked at him, shocked by his bluntness though I should be used to it, my mouth falling open a little. "I... I guess you could say that..." I stammered. Was I really that transparent?

"See that wasn't very hard now was it," he said condescendingly. He was beginning to remind me of my school teachers. "So, what's the problem then?"

"He's not interested," I mumbled to my hands.

He let out one snort of laughter, his arm lifting and wrapping around my shoulders. "Oh shit, so he's gay?"

His tone was deadly serious and I looked at him, stunned once more. "No, of course not!" I said in shock. "Why would you think that?"

"Well if he's not interested in you then he must be gay," he said, keeping his tone serious. "Plus, he does look a bit like a fag," he added under his breath.

I elbowed him hard in the ribs but he just laughed it off like I had tickled him rather than hit him. "You have to admit that he is a bit of a pretty boy, but if I channel my inner homosexual..." he closed his eyes and rubbed his temples like he was some kind of cheap psychic, "then I guess his face doesn't exactly make me cringe, so I guess he's not fuckin' ugly – if you're into that kind of thing." He shrugged.

I rolled my eyes and sighed. "He's way out of my league; I don't even know what I was thinking. I just managed to make a fool out of myself by letting him know how I felt."

He groaned in response, throwing his head back dramatically and shaking it slowly. "Look, to be honest, this guy sounds like a massive douche to me," he said, turning back to look at me, all joking aside. "He'd be one really lucky bastard to score a girl like you and if he doesn't see that then I don't recon he's worth it." I opened my mouth to argue but he quickly moved his hand from my shoulder, covering my mouth with his large palm and continuing on as if the interruption had never happened. "As for this 'out of his league' bullshit, perhaps it's him that feels he isn't good enough for you – because it sounds like he's not – and that's why he's putting on the brakes." He paused for a moment and must have decided that he was satisfied with his rant so he slowly drew his hand away from my mouth.

"I'm hardly a great catch Jake," I said as soon as he had removed his hand and I was able to be heard again. I was admitting to the one insecurity that had haunted me since primary school. When you grow up around people like Alice and Rosalie it's hard not to be self conscious about your looks. "Besides, it's your job as a best friend to say all that stuff, even if you don't mean it."

He gave a little frustrated glare and made a snarly face at me playfully. "And just when I thought we were getting somewhere," he moaned. "Perhaps we should go back to the way we were - where I talk and you listen without being a down buzz," he said placing his enormous hand back over my mouth. I opened my mouth and bit down hard, sinking my teeth into the soft palm of his hand. I knew he could take it. "Ow, or not, whatever," he growled, pulling his hand back quickly and rubbing the spot where I had bit him.

I looked up at him, baring my teeth in a teasing gesture. He laughed and shook his head.

"Okay, well I know you're going to disagree, but hear me out okay?" He said, turning his body so that he was facing me more. I nodded, buttoning my lips and giving him my best 'paying attention' expression. He flashed a quick grin and then became serious once more. "You really don't see yourself clearly you know, you're intelligent and beautiful and funny and goodhearted," he listed the qualities off on his fingers as I tried my best not to argue, "not to mention stubborn, frustrating and blind, but we'll deal with them another day. The point is you're an amazing girl and you should really stop doubting yourself because that dumb-ass pretty boy out there, or any other guy for that matter, would be fucking lucky to have you."

"Thanks, Jake," I smiled half-heartedly at his serious expression. "But I don't want just any other guy. I want that guy. No-one else matches up." I was well aware that I sounded like a pathetic love sick teenage girl, but I was being honest so maybe that's exactly what I was. Stupid and pathetic.

Jakes mouth dropped open into a wide O shape as he stared at me with an exaggerated hurt expression. "Apparently, I'm quite a catch, actually..." he teased, flexing his huge bicep.

I rolled my eyes at him and he dropped his arm to eye me seriously again.

"Do you love him, Bella?" he asked softly, scrutinizing my face intently. I felt a stab through my chest at his words and had to drop my gaze away from his. I hadn't thought about it since the Barlow's shed. But being there in his arms, his eyes staring deeply into mine – I had been so sure.

"I – I don't know," I mumbled to my sleeves which my fingers were picking at intently. "I mean, I'm only seventeen, I've never had any feelings like these before. How am I supposed to know what love is? I know that I love you and Alice and the others, but you guys are my family. What I feel for Edward is... different. I can't even explain it. Besides, I'm such a mess of emotions right now. Sometimes I don't even know how I feel about anything."

Jake sighed again, relaxing deeper into his lounging position. "At the risk of sounding really cheesy and pathetic, I just gotta say this Bella," I brought my attention back to him, dreading the very serious tone that emphasised a very unlike Jake comment. "You think far too much." He stated simply and I tilted my head in confusion. "There's no right or wrong answer when it comes to love, Bella. Nobody else can tell you how you feel; only you can do that, and right now it sounds like your blocking everything out because it's just too hard to deal with. I understand that, trust me I do. But eventually it's going to come back and bite you in the ass if you don't let it all out. I've been with a lot of girls..," I rolled my eyes at him, "but I've never loved any of them, I've never felt it. So I figure, when the day comes and I find _that_ girl, then I'll know... till then I'm content just having fun. You need to stop running away from your feelings and just let them be, maybe then you might be able to get your head around them."

My gaze rose back to his in astonishment. When had Jake become so deep? I resisted the urge to tease him and instead tried to take in what he was trying to say.

"I don't know Jake, I know I feel something for him - I feel a lot for him actually. But, none of it matters if he doesn't feel the same way."

Jake sighed and wrapped is large arm around my shoulders once more. "He'll come around Bells; he's an idiot if he doesn't."

We didn't talk about Edward again for the rest of the night. Instead we talked about the old days; we talked a lot about our parents, which surprisingly wasn't as painful as it had been. I suppose the fact that I knew they were safe helped a lot. Eventually we both succumbed to our drooping eyelids, Jake falling asleep sprawled out across the tent floor while I curled up at his side. I guessed that Alice had fallen asleep somewhere else with Jasper. I wasn't asleep for long though before I awoke shaking and panting and sweating and screaming while Jake stared at me in panic.

It took me a while to convince him that I was okay after that. But eventually he drifted back off to sleep while I spent the rest of the night listening to his soft snores occasionally dozing but never allowing myself to fully succumb to deep sleep. The horror and despair of what I had done to the nameless man taking over my every thought once more and reminding me that no matter what the distraction, I couldn't hide from what I had done.

**I'm sorry if there are any spelling mistakes or random letters around, my kitten things it's the best thing in the world to sit on my laptop keyboard while I'm typing. I had to fight him off this whole chapter. **

**Please leave me a review, it makes me update super super fast. True story!**


	19. 18 Scars That Bare An Angels Face

_CHAPTER EIGHTEEN Scars that bare an angel's face_

_I am just a worthless liar_

_I am just an imbecile_

_I will only complicate you_

_Trust in me and fall as well_

_I will find a centre in you_

_I will chew it up and leave_

_I will work to elevate you_

_Just enough to bring you down_

_(Sober – Tool)_

**Edward**

I fucked up. I fucked up bad.

She was finally opening herself up to me and I fucking choked. It took a shitload of bravery on her part to admit to the things she said - I could see that as clear as day, it was written all over her face and tormenting the depths of her eyes - even if it was a comment so trivial. It wasn't so much what she had said, but how she had said it. The passion in her voice was breath-taking and I quite literally found myself speechless. The one thing I had hoped for but never considered a real possibility was happening and I couldn't have been more terrified.

My heart thudded wildly in my chest from both excitement and fear. I wanted nothing more than to pour the contents of my heart out to her; to tell her how much she really affected me, to let her know how this mask of indifference was wearing me down, to tell her how much I cared for her, how she meant so much more to me than she would ever know, to tell her that she had already saved me - long before today.

But I couldn't, because deep down I _knew_ that she deserved much more than a fuck up like me. She needed someone who wouldn't hurt her and could treat her right, because she was fragile and I destroyed everything that I touched. My bullshit, on top of everything she was already dealing with was definitely _not_ what she needed right now. I wouldn't corrupt such a pure and innocent person, I had enough decency for that at least. I would never be enough for her; I had come to terms with that a long time ago. Still, seeing her there in my arms – almost offering herself to me – I was torn.

She wouldn't make eye contact with me but the longer I hesitated the harder, I could see, it was for her to fight back her tears. That broke my heart and caused me actual physical pain. Boundaries had already been pushed, by both her and me. Boundaries that I had put in place to protect her from myself. I had done it back at her house in Charlie's wardrobe. I had gotten angry, but none of the anger was aimed at her. She had admitted then that she wanted me to open up to her; that she wanted to know more about what made me so troubled. And I had run like a coward, because that darkness in me was something that I never wanted her to see. I knew the potential of the monster within me, and already I had done everything that I could to hide it from her – from everyone in Forks for that matter – she didn't know the real me and I planned on keeping it that way.

I would never forget the look on Tanya's face when I told her that we were over and broke her heart. She looked at me like I had carved her open and stabbed a hole through her heart. She was devastated, but deep down I knew that it was the right thing to do. I was leading her on, I didn't feel the same way she did, and it was unfair to the both of us. The thought of seeing that same look of anguish in Bella's eyes would kill me, I knew it. So I said nothing, because I knew I had to protect her from the hurt I would inevitably cause her.

I let her walk away, I had to. But it was the hardest thing I had ever had to do.

The next few days were hell - in Hell of all places. My head pounded and my throat throbbed painfully. My ribs were agony and even my jaw was tender. It only made me hate him more.

From the moment I returned to her place with the gear from the Barlow's, Bella had refused to look at me, she couldn't even be around me. Every time I was near she would drop her gaze and look at the ground or make excuses to leave. My very presence made her uncomfortable and I despised it. We had been distant but I had tried to tell myself that it was a good thing, that a little space was all that she needed and that she would be better off. Besides it wasn't just me that she was distant from.

Alice spent a lot of time with her, but so did Jacob.

Every time I saw him enter her tent I wanted to rip him out by his hair and tell him to stay the fuck away from my girl. But I couldn't, because she wasn't _my_ girl. I had ruined that chance, but it was the lesser of two evils. I knew he slept the night in her tent at least once. I had waited up for hours just to make sure that he left, maybe even get a glimpse at her, but he never did. I didn't sleep that nights, I felt sick. I tossed and turned and drove Jasper mad - the way she had clinged to Jacob when we found him on the track up to Tailor's replaying over and over in my mind, inciting other more painful visions of them together. I knew they were close, he had been mentioned multiple times over my summers in Forks. She always spoke highly of him, admiration seeping from her tone. Even then it had made me jealous, I couldn't really blame him that he had feelings for her, I knew this. I couldn't blame any male for being attracted to Bella; she was extraordinary in every way possible.

I kept to myself for the first few days, determined to wallow in my own self-pity while my body healed and I could watch her from a distance. Rosalie, Emmett and Angela all seemed oblivious to my bad temper, or maybe they just had bigger things on their minds. Jasper and Alice were a different story. They watched me almost as closely as I watched Bella, though they were a lot less discrete about it. Alice tried to talk to me about it a few times but I had insisted that the matter was not up for discussion. Yeah, I was being an asshole, but that's just the way I dealt with things. It hadn't worked when I had lost my parents – in fact, it had made everything immensely worse – but obviously I hadn't learnt my lesson.

I snapped a few times. It was for stupid shit, and I'll be the first to admit it. One time was at Angela, simply because she was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I felt horrible about it and apologised straight away but I could tell when she said she forgave me that it was going to take a little time, and effort on my part, before that statement was really true.

I spent most of my time alone, angry at myself and at the world. I didn't want to be around the others. I guess I was sort of reacting the way I had with the death of my parents all over again. At first, when we had returned from the Barlow's, they all fussed over me. It was understandable considering my bruises had turned a vicious purple colour and the fact that I had been only inches from death, but I felt like they needed me to put on a brave face for them and I just couldn't do that. After a while everyone got the hint that I wanted some space and left me alone. I think that frightened them all more, but I couldn't find it within myself to plaster a fake smile on my face and act like everything was fine.

Somehow Emmett didn't see it. There's no filter with Emmett, everything he thinks he says out loud. He found me feeling sorry for myself one day by the creek and swiftly told me to "quit sulking, take a concrete pill and harden the fuck up". He followed this with a polite request to help him with the wood shed he was going to make. After much dragging of feet and a little bit more sulking I agreed. Yeah I'll admit it, I was being pathetic. But a severe lack of sleep and generally having the world shit in your face will do that to you. Surprisingly, I kind of enjoyed working with Emmett, he didn't ask questions or try to pry answers out of me. He made it pretty clear that my issues were mine and he didn't really care. If I wanted to talk then he would listen but if not, there was work to be done. It didn't take us long to rig up a solid wood shed with the saw and axe we brought back from Bella's Landrover and it helped keep my mind off things...mostly.

Bella slept for the first days back in Hell, we were all exhausted, mentally and physically, so it wasn't so strange. We saw her once on the first day, but she didn't stay long in our presence. To the casual observer she would have looked fine, a little down maybe, but no more than the rest of us. _I_ knew better. I lost sleep again that night. I knew what had happened with her, I had been there and experienced it firsthand. I even had the bruises to prove it. When she finally emerged again a day later, we all knew for certain that something was wrong. She walked slowly, unenergetically, her shoulders slumped and her head down. Her face was gaunt and tired, her eyes distant and bloodshot. She looked like a zombie. She sat with us for a while at the fire but she was silent for most of the time. She only mumbled one word answers whenever someone spoke to her, her voice as hollow as her eyes. Already she was beginning to look thin and pale. We offered her food but she refused it before shuffling her way back to her tent to sleep once more. She had been so strong during the days after we found out about the invasion, but this was her falling to pieces.

"Oh, god," Alice whimpered quietly as we all watched her tiny frame disappear inside of the fly of her tent. "She's a mess."

"Has she eaten at all since we got back?" I asked, unable to hide the fear and concern from my voice.

Alice shook her head sadly, looking at me with agonised eyes. "Not that I know of, I don't even think she's left the tent since the other night."

I felt my heart twist in concern for her. Every second of every day she had been in the back of my mind, but I was giving her space so I tried to let it go – and now this. It had been three days, three long, slow, agonising days. Now I knew that something was definitely not right, this was going far past the point of exhaustion. She was so vacant and dejected and – wrong.

Everyone was silent for a while, all sharing in concern for Bella.

"She's been through a lot more than the rest of us," Jasper thought aloud. "Except for maybe you Edward," he added. "But she's not coping."

Nobody had the nerve to say out loud that they didn't think that I was coping either, but I could see it in the quick glance Alice threw in my direction that they were thinking it. I kept my eyes away from the rest, knowing I would see it in their faces too.

"I'll go talk to her," Alice said, suddenly springing to her feet and grabbing Bella's discarded plate of food before practically running her way over to the tent. I was sceptical. We couldn't force her into talking to us, that might only make things worse.

"She's been having violent nightmares ever since we got back," Jacob informed us solemnly as we watched Alice slip into the tent. I gritted my teeth against the flare of anger that Jacob's statement flared in me. The jealousy and envy almost over powering me. I wanted to run to her right there and then but it was only my fear that I would make things worse if I did that forced me to stay. This was my fault, I knew it was what happened at the Barlow's with the man that was doing this to her. She was never one to show weakness or ask for help, she was the 'suffer in silence' type but this was too much for her to handle. I wanted to do something, I _needed _to do something. But what?

I waited agitatedly for Alice to return, my eyes never left her tent and I wished more than anything that I could hear what they were saying. Ten agonising minutes later the tent moved and I think I stopped breathing. Then suddenly Bella's tiny form came hurtling out, her arms wrapped around her torso as she sprinted and stumbled towards the bushes while doubled almost in two. I was on my feet before I even had the conscious thought to do it, my eyes glued to the spot where she had disappeared as Alice followed quickly after her.

"Shit," I heard someone breathe from behind me and I was torn. Every cell in my body wanted to go to her but once again my fear and insecurity held me in place.

After what seemed like hours, but was really only minutes, they both finally emerged. Alice had her arms wrapped around Bella who again was walking slowly with her head down and her face hidden from view by her hair. We watched in silence as Alice led her back into the tent.

"She threw it up," Alice said, her voice shaking and tears shimmering in her eyes as she approached the fire a few minutes later. "She tried but she couldn't keep it down." She walked to Jasper who pulled her gently down into his lap.

"Do you think maybe she has a virus or something?" Angela squeaked from the opposite side of the fire.

Alice shook her head softly against Jasper's chest. "It's worse than that. I don't know what to do. She would barely talk to me. It's like she wasn't even really there."

"What do we do?" Rose asked quietly, gazing around the circle at all of us individually. It was a loaded question that suggested a lot more than just the issue of Bella. None of us had an answer, we were lost.

I spared a look around the group. The shadows cast by the dull fire brought a darkness to all of their faces, the lines of concern, worry, fear, and uncertainty were magnified by its light making them looked aged and weary. Not one of them held their heads above their shoulders and I could feel right alongside them the invisible force that was pushing down on us all.

We weren't ready for this.

**Is it bad that I'm starting to hate these characters I've created? They whinge too much. Time to toughen them up a bit. **


	20. Chapter 19 - Falling Through The Cracks

**_A/N for nobody at all because I am likely to be the only one who will ever read this. _**

**_I've been thinking about MOO lately and picked it up again. God, it's awful isn't it? I achieved nothing I set out to. Sometime (in maybe 10 years time) I will fix up all the past chapters and make everyone less whingy. In the meantime I need to get this finished, for me, because I do actually love this story and in my head there is a huge and great story that has been developing for close to 10 years now. One day, one day. _**

**_I actually quite like this chapter. The ones coming up aren't so bad either. There is heaps written, but even bigger holes between the blocks that are written of things I haven't been able to find the motivation to write. Spoiler - Edward and Bella get it on. That part is already written, it's not bad either. In the version I have Edward has been changed to Braxton and Bella is Charlie, because I am way over the Twilight thing. So for any poor soul that is actually still reading this, if I've forgotten to change a name here and there, you won't be like "Who the fuck is that?"_**

**_Bed time._**

_CHAPTER NINETEEN Falling through the cracks_

_There's a shadow just behind me,_

_Shrouding every step I take._

_Making every promise empty,_

_Pointing every finger at me._

_Waiting like a stalking butler,_

_Who upon the finger rests._

_Murder now, the path that must be,_

_Just because the son has come._

_(Sober – Tool)_

**Bella**

Sleep, how I wish I could have it. Oh, how I would love to sleep. You couldn't call what I do sleep. Sleep is restful, sleep is peaceful and easy. What happens to me when I close my eyes is none of these things. My sleep is full of dark shadows and deadly fiends, sweats, fear, screams and tears.

My head was killing me. It throbbed so hard that I could hear it pounding in my ears and feel it behind my eyes. My vision blurred and I wanted to vomit. All I wanted was comfort, my head and my heart betraying me. I wanted to go back, back to before my world had turned to carnage and fear. Back to before I had my innocence stripped away by a bullet. Back to when it didn't hurt to feel. Then I would pray for numb, because it felt like nothing would ever be okay again. Nothing. My chest was raw, I felt it rip open with the ache and bleed all over my shirt. I felt haunted, like there was a shadow that hovered just above me, a darkness that I couldn't shake. It tainted everything in my world. Even unconscious I was not immune. I needed something, anything, to numb the pain.

Slowly I raised myself up from the foetal position I had adopted for the last few days, my body aching in protest as I scrambled blindly around the inside of the dark tent in search of the supply bag that hadn't yet been removed. Alice was sleeping quietly beside me and I was as careful as possible not to wake her. I didn't want to worry her any more than she already was. Besides, with my constant night terrors I was surprised she even slept at all. She must be exhausted.

My hand hit something hard as I reached into the pack that had been thrown at the bottom of the tent days ago. A torch. I briefly considered flicking it on as I pulled it from the top of the pack. It was bound to wake Alice, I threw it away. Clothing, fly spray, hair brush, and paper - my fingers closed around something that seemed promising, a small cardboard box...pain relief? No, tampons. I threw them away and continued my hunt. The bag was emptying, its contents spread across one side of the dark tent. I pulled the last thing from the bag sadly, knowing that my search had been in vain. It was a glass bottle full of some kind of clear liquid. It had a label but in the darkness I couldn't make it out. I almost discarded it to the side along with everything else but something made stop. Cautiously I removed the lid, it was full to the brim and I didn't want to spill whatever was inside but as soon as I loosened the cap my nostrils were assaulted by the potent and distinct smell of alcohol.

It made my head spin instantly, my mouth filled with the acidic taste of bile that rose up my throat. I didn't really give myself a chance to consider where it had come from or who had brought it down here. Maybe it had been brought with medicinal intentions, but I suspected not. The smell alone made me want to hurl, but I had never wanted anything more in my entire life. Without giving my body time to react or my mind time to think it through I pulled the bottle to my lips and poured a large gulp of the foul liquid down my throat. The first few seconds were tolerable, I barely tasted anything at all - then came the poison and the fire.

My mouth erupted into a violent stinging burn as my throat closed and my stomach contracted. I pulled the bottle from my lips and clamped my mouth shut against the force of my heave. I had to get out of here, I needed air. I wrenched open the zip on the tent, not really caring anymore if I woke Alice up or not and stumbled out into the biting cold air, one hand clamped over my mouth and the other gripped tightly to the neck of the glass bottle as tears started to stream thickly down my cheeks. I only managed to stumble a few paces before I had to rid myself of the liquid from my mouth that I had been unable to swallow. It stung and burnt at my tongue as I spat it out on the ground and over the front of my shirt. Panting hard, I stumbled further away from the tent fighting the violent churning in my stomach.

I finally collapsed against the sturdy trunk of a tree, smacking the back of my throbbing head against the sharp bark and completely not giving a shit. I took in slow deep breaths of the cold damp air, waiting for the nausea to pass. After slow agonising minutes the clenching in my stomach faded and was replaced by the deep and almost uncomfortable warmth that centered in my belly. My eyes continued to stream, but it wasn't because of the alcohol anymore. I felt sick and disgusting - my hair was matted with dried sweat and tears, my clothes unwashed and dirty, my fever still raged and I felt weak and useless. But I deserved it, I deserved it all. Because that nameless man that probably still lay cold and dead and hollow on the Barlow's shed floor would never feel again, never feel anything; good or bad – because of me.

I slammed my head back against the tree again, the faint haze that clouded my mind numbing the impact slightly. I clenched my eyes shut tightly but it didn't stop the image of the man with hollow dead eyes from staring back at me from behind my lids. I needed more haze, I needed to be numb. Without opening my eyes I brought the bottle back up to my lips, downing a few more gulps quickly and savouring the burn this time as it blazed its way down my throat and sat heavily and unpleasantly in my stomach. The burn in my mouth wasn't as bad this time, still horrible, but not unbearable. I sat and panted for a while longer as another wave of queasiness hit me, stronger than before. I hadn't eaten in days which only enhanced the speed of my chemically induced temporary lobotomy.

My mind felt light, but my limbs were heavy. My whole body was heavy, even my chest seemed to weigh me down. It ached and twisted, unaffected by the anesthetizing effects that the alcohol brought to other parts of my body. The tears continued to spill, heavy and relentless they soaked down my cheeks and neck until I was gasping with the force of them, my chest convulsing with the force of my silent cries of pain. I wrapped my arms around myself, feeling like I needed to hold myself together like I was being torn apart from the inside out.

A soul bleeding isn't as loud as a bomb, but it holds the same level of destruction. Sometimes it sounds as light as a feather falling, and nobody can hear it except you... I finally let myself feel the full force of the guilt, rejection, anger and fear - and it crippled me.

None of us would survive this war. If we were lucky we would still be breathing at the end, but our souls would be shattered and broken. I felt like mine had already been beaten beyond recognition.

I needed strength, I needed comfort. I wanted Edward, and my aching heart had twisted them both into a correlated need. Looking back, I realise how absurd I was being. But never the less, I needed Edward, but he didn't need me. Yet I knew in total certainty that my heart would only ever beat for him. It already had for years. I had held onto hope so pathetically for so long because it was the only thing that stopped me from crumbling to pieces where I stood, and now that I knew the truth, the crushing of my heart was inconceivably worse.

I wanted to be held, more than any point in my life I needed to feel like I wasn't alone. I slumped to the side, the dizziness taking control of my body full force, and lay my face down in the damp grass for hours and cried. I cried for my parents, I cried for Edward, I cried for the man whose life I had destroyed, but most of all I cried for myself because this torture seemed endless. It would be with me always. I longed for the weightlessness of relief, the numb brought by the poison of alcohol only dulling the agony in the areas that required the least amount of attention. At some point I fell into a sort of sleep, I fell quickly between periods of deep sleep and semi coherence but still the internal ripping and tearing continued.

When the grey light of morning began to break I crawled back to the tent. I didn't want to move, and I felt like I couldn't but the idea of having Alice close to me was too good to pass up. I raised myself from the grass that was now damp with dew, the motion had me crumpled back to the ground within seconds as the nausea became too much and I vomited the small amount of nothingness in my stomach out onto the soil. Gasping and whimpering I left the offending half empty bottle of what I thought may be home brew vodka behind and crawled pathetically back to Alice. She was still sleeping, her face soft and peaceful. I envied her with every cell in my body. Austin loved her so completely and I don't even think she truly knew how lucky she was for that.

I finally slept that day, deep and heavy. I've never felt so exhausted and drained. The few times my nightmares did wake me I hardly had the energy to scream. I was ragged and spent. For the few moments I was awake during the next day my head throbbed with an intensity I had never felt before. It felt like adding salt to my wounds.

When I did finally become coherent to the world the light of the day had already faded. I found a tin of fruit and a bottle of water beside my bed and honestly tried my hardest to stomach it, but one bite was all I could force down before I felt like I would hurl all over my make-shift mattress. I'd had enough of vomiting, the bitter taste in my mouth from the night before still lingered, so badly so that I actually found the energy to dig out my toothbrush from my pack. I was in desperate need for a toilet break and it was becoming unavoidable so I gathered together some supplies and stumbled my way out of the tent weak and miserable. It was colder outside tonight than it had been last night, there was no wind but a frost was defiantly coming.

Slowly I made my way into the trees, my body still felt like it weighed a tonne and I couldn't seem to keep my head up above my shoulders. I relieved myself and set to brushing my teeth, using the water from the drink bottle to dampen my tooth brush. After a few minutes of rigorous scrubbing I gave up and downed the entire contents of the drink bottle, not realising how incredibly dehydrated I was. Like the alcohol from the night before, the water sat uncomfortably in my stomach but it was easier to hold down and I felt slightly more refreshed for it. I trudged like a zombie back slowly, wanting to just crawl back into my sleeping bag and sleep for another day but just as I was about to enter the clearing again I caught the scent of something that made my stomach twist and churn. Looking down at my feet I saw the glint of glass reflect brightly in the moonlight, the metal of the cap shining brightly up at me. I took a step back away from the tree it rested upon, the memories of last night causing the fault line in my chest to tear open a little, stealing a breath from my lungs.

I should have walked away. I should have turned my back and lifted my head in disgust - but I didn't. Instead my toothbrush, the toilet paper, the empty drink bottle and my deodorant all slipped from my fingers to the ground as I stared at its mocking temptation.

Don't ask me why I lifted the bottle up from the dirt where it lay, because I honestly don't know. I don't think I'll ever know. Maybe I really _was_ on a path to self destruction. Regardless, I took the bottle in my hands, the cool wet glass slipping against my equally damp skin. The cap was sitting lop sided on the neck, only half screwed on but enough to stop the majority of its contents from escaping. Hesitantly, and without breathing, I brought it up to my lips. The small amount of residue around the opening stung at the cracks in my lips. I winced and then hesitantly drew in a deep breath, tasting the poison in the air and testing myself.

The smell hit me like a kick to the face, the odor itself seemed to travel instantly to my head making me light-headed and dizzy. My stomach, however, had other ideas. It twisted and churned like it had the night before but stronger this time. I felt the bile rise instantly in my throat, coating my mouth faster than I was able to swallow it down. I dropped the bottle and retreated, my hand flying to my mouth and my body doubling over at the middle. I ploughed forward, not really looking where I was going and just needing to put as much distance between me and the smell as possible until I felt to my hands and knees, my stomach constricting and convulsing as I gagged and coughed into the dirt.

**A/N - Post another, you're on a roll. Do it, lazy biatch. Brax/Edward is up next. **


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